Pretty Good Jokes

I can’t take the credit or blame (depending on your perspective) for these jokes. They were originally sent from a friend who shares my appreciation for corny humor. Enjoy, if you can . . .


1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, “I’ve lost my
electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies, “Yes,
I’m positive…”

3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve
you, but don’t start anything.”

4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry we don’t
serve food in here.”

6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: “A beer please, and one for the road.”

8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does
this taste funny to you?

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were
nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

11. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, “My dog’s
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?” “Well,” says the
vet, “let’s have a look at him.” So he picks the dog up and examines his
eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, “I’m going to have to
put him down.” “What? Because he’s cross-eyed?” “No, because he’s really heavy.”

12. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn’t find any.

13. I went to the butcher’s the other day and I bet him 50 bucks
that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”

14. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!”

15. I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

17. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

18. A priest and a pastor from the local churches are standing by
the side of the road, pounding a sign into the ground, that reads: The
End is Near! Turn Yourself Around Now Before it’s Too Late! As a car
sped past them, the driver yelled, “Leave us alone you religious nuts!”
From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. The pastor
turned to the priest and asked, “Do you think the sign should just
say “Bridge Out”