The Last . . .

Now Jules and I are moving in two days I find myself in a series of “last things”. The last e-mail I send to this person from work, the last time I see certain people, the last water ice, the last time I go to our favorite Borders, the last time a drive down 309 (thankfully …), the last bacon-egg bagel, the last soft pretzel, the last time I use DSL at the church office (sob, sob), the last time I kill a morning with Eugene in his office . . . the list goes on.

And yet in the midst of this, I find some hope. Though it feels like a wonderful part of me is fading away and starting to die, I see potential for new growth, life, and opportunities. God has graciously been providing hope for our new life in Vermont: a trust that he has something better. The seed has to go into the ground and die before new life can begin.

That’s the great part of being a Christian. We are a people who look forward to the future and have hope. We can look ahead unflinching and respond with confidence that God is working in the murky haze ahead of you. Even if death is all that we can look forward to in the end, I know that God is right there, somehow, in some way. I need that. Without that, I don’t think that I could stand leaving Philly. As wonderful as Vermont is, I find that God is the one carrying me. It’s his goodness that has been my comfort.

I’m not sure how I’ll respond to pulling out of my driveway here and then setting my face north for the big move. It’s overwhelming, unspeakable, and exciting.

Many have been asking us what we’re doing for work. So many in fact you would think that all we’re doing up there is working and that our motivation for moving to Vermont is work. Yet for us, work is just a small part of the beautiful puzzle that God is putting together. Not having that piece seems to make the whole thing look like a piece of trash. It’s maddening how many people are fixated on employment. Is it so strange that we are going on faith up there? It is in America, but I know there are so many other Christians out there who are doing far bolder things, taking bigger risks, and leaving many more details up in the air.

What we’re doing is not status quo, but it should not be shocking that two Christians are moving into the unknown as we are (at least as far as employment goes). I have to remind myself that God wants our experience to be more of the norm than not for us. He wants Julie and I to keep moving forward in faith, no matter how hard it is for us at times. That’s a tough pill to swallow. Yeah sure, just focus on the kingdom and God will do the rest. Really taking a line like that at face value runs counter to all that my mind can muster.

One day I will come to the last, last thing that I do. My last words, my last meal, etc. That’s not a comforting thought. I’m not cheering for death to come in the way that Billy Graham is. I have a long way to go. But after that last, last thing, I trust that there will be an end to the waiting and to the inevitable conclusions that await us in life. There will be a new stability and security that we could never have imagined when we are in the presence of God.

6 thoughts on “The Last . . .

  1. Brad & Ginger Gruver & family

    It brings tears to my eyes when I think about you pulling out of the driveway for the last time as Pa residents.
    When I think back through all the steps that the Lord directed us in, it amazes me. I have always wanted our home to be open to all who needed to be there and he has blessed us beyond our wildest dreams. Although, in the begining, your time with us was to be short. I praise God it was extended to 3 years. The joy you have brought to our family is beyond measure and even though you will be missed tremendously at LHCC, the Gruvers will miss you both more than words can say. Thank you for being apart of our family. We love you both very much.

  2. Todd

    Ed, as i started reading this entry, my biggest question was "what are they going to do for a community of faith." seems to mme to be a MUCH bigger question than employment. so, that is my question. are you helping start a new one? starting a new one? joining and already existing one? curious what that more important part of your life will look like in the coming months and years.

    of course, it is possible that you said something about this in one of your earlier posts…but i am a scanner of blogs and could have missed it!

  3. John

    The grass is green, the sky is blue and the water’s clean .
    Welcome to Vermont
    Everything is going to be fine.

  4. Ed Post author

    We hope to hook up with some Christians in Bennington, perhaps some experimental things connected with whatever is going on at Bennington College. I can’t rule out starting something, but we certainly have enough going on right now! There also is an emergent cohort in Albany that we hope to check out. Perhaps there will be some green mountain fellahs and gals that we can hang with. Of course there’s always the local Episcopal or Methodist church, but who knows.

  5. kkup

    Ed, as your mother I am sorry to see you leave Philly. I always looked forward to you coming down for dinner or just a visit. I know you and Julie will be very happy. As a married couple, it is most important to have each other and live your life to the fullest. We all look forward to visiting you in Vermont. I hope your move goes well. I will never say good-bye, just see you soon!!!!!!
    Love Always,

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