Now Jules and I are moving in two days I find myself in a series of “last things”. The last e-mail I send to this person from work, the last time I see certain people, the last water ice, the last time I go to our favorite Borders, the last time a drive down 309 (thankfully …), the last bacon-egg bagel, the last soft pretzel, the last time I use DSL at the church office (sob, sob), the last time I kill a morning with Eugene in his office . . . the list goes on.
And yet in the midst of this, I find some hope. Though it feels like a wonderful part of me is fading away and starting to die, I see potential for new growth, life, and opportunities. God has graciously been providing hope for our new life in Vermont: a trust that he has something better. The seed has to go into the ground and die before new life can begin.
That’s the great part of being a Christian. We are a people who look forward to the future and have hope. We can look ahead unflinching and respond with confidence that God is working in the murky haze ahead of you. Even if death is all that we can look forward to in the end, I know that God is right there, somehow, in some way. I need that. Without that, I don’t think that I could stand leaving Philly. As wonderful as Vermont is, I find that God is the one carrying me. It’s his goodness that has been my comfort.
I’m not sure how I’ll respond to pulling out of my driveway here and then setting my face north for the big move. It’s overwhelming, unspeakable, and exciting.
Many have been asking us what we’re doing for work. So many in fact you would think that all we’re doing up there is working and that our motivation for moving to Vermont is work. Yet for us, work is just a small part of the beautiful puzzle that God is putting together. Not having that piece seems to make the whole thing look like a piece of trash. It’s maddening how many people are fixated on employment. Is it so strange that we are going on faith up there? It is in America, but I know there are so many other Christians out there who are doing far bolder things, taking bigger risks, and leaving many more details up in the air.
What we’re doing is not status quo, but it should not be shocking that two Christians are moving into the unknown as we are (at least as far as employment goes). I have to remind myself that God wants our experience to be more of the norm than not for us. He wants Julie and I to keep moving forward in faith, no matter how hard it is for us at times. That’s a tough pill to swallow. Yeah sure, just focus on the kingdom and God will do the rest. Really taking a line like that at face value runs counter to all that my mind can muster.
One day I will come to the last, last thing that I do. My last words, my last meal, etc. That’s not a comforting thought. I’m not cheering for death to come in the way that Billy Graham is. I have a long way to go. But after that last, last thing, I trust that there will be an end to the waiting and to the inevitable conclusions that await us in life. There will be a new stability and security that we could never have imagined when we are in the presence of God.