I’ve been a Christian for many years now, and I still haven’t got a clue! Saved at an early age, I grew up reading the Bible and learning about God, Jesus and what I was supposed to live like. In my teens, life got complicated. People and social forces entered into the picture. I got shook and my picture of God went from someone I prayed to and read about, to someone I needed to help me unravel life. In my late teens I went on several missions trips, and saw that this God I serve can use an unworthy vessel.
As I coasted into my twenties, I went from plateau to plateau, constantly besting my own high score in the realms of knowledge of spiritual things. Somehow though, I found that my life became more and more confusing. Pointless and frivolous, my ecclesiastical side would remind me. Your life is devoid of meaning. These spiritual issues became nothing but so much knowledge, ever expanding the vacuum of meaning inside as they pushed forward the philosophical frontiers of my soul exposing areas of untapped worry and concern. My outward facade remained unchanged, however, as I dutifully lived out my calling to be happy in all things. Then, my face began to change. At first it was just a subtle twitching of my left eye. Then my lower lip began to quiver. Then I couldn’t be happy anymore. I was just plain sad. I was sad at life, my empty life. Meaning was just an illusion, a dream for only a select few missionaries. All my Christian friends had problems. They felt the same way I did, I grew to realize, only with different levels of self-awareness. Add to my life marriage and children, which only seemed to compound the dualistic nature of my distress. I found my spouse saw right through any attempts to patch the holes in my sinking spiritual ship. Also discovered is that in wrestling through raising children, all the things that I thought mattered, really don’t at all. So… here I am, an empty shell, in need, spiritually impoverished.
Please offer your guidance.
“Clueless in Christendom”