One of the most arresting sites to cross my path while here in Vermont is a plain green bumper sticker that says: “Vermont: Most Likely to Secede.” Underneath that is the web site: vtcommons.org.
The sticker seemed quaint and amusing, a nice little pun to make other drivers snicker. I had to get one for myself.
I went home and looked up the web site only to find, to my utter consternation, these people are for real. The people of Vermont Commons, who have a very classy web site that seems unfitting for such a wacked out cause, really want to secede from the United States of America.
My uncle unfortunately found out about this movement and is now spreading the rumor among my family that I’m implicated in this movement. Let me state that I am not, NOT, a Vermont communist, I mean commonist.
And while everyone except for maybe 5% of Vermont’s population and a few yokels in the sticks somewhere else in America may think this is a bad idea, let’s look at the sunny side of things. There’s no need to rain on their parade. I’m sure if we just went with our gut and stopped thinking we could come up with all kinds of great ideas why Vermont should secede.
Bernie Loses His Job
Once Vermont leaves the US, representatives in Washington will be expendable. This will be a relief to the Republican party in Vermont that just received a drubbing. I’m sure Bernie has done some good things for Vermont, but he’ll be a good sport about losing his post. Bernie is for the people my friend. Besides, wouldn’t he covet the title: Ambassador Sanders???
Declaration of War on Northern New York State
Those upstarts in the “Capital” region are bitter because
A. Every one wants to visit New York City and forgets about the rest of the state (and yes, there actually is a New York state if this is news to you. It’s just north of Pennsylvania)
B. Ethan Allen and the Green Mountain Boys kicked them around before the Revolution.
Of course NY state can’t look down on NY City, so they’ve decided to dump on Vermont. Vermonters are sick and tired of snooty NY staters ripping on Vermont’s schools, mountains, and absence of a viable local economy. It’s not our problem that you have an inferiority complex. That’s right NY State, when Vermont secedes, we’re reclaiming our lands all of the way back to the Hudson. Also, keepin mind that Albany could be ours, but we don’t want it any more. We wouldn’t know what to do with an industrialized region.
Vermont Commons Will Have to Shut Down Its Web Site
With the coming of the “Second Republic” of Vermont, vtcommons.org will no longer be necessary.
Stupid Posts Like This Will Not Be Written
At that point truth will be stranger than fiction.