Wedding Reply Cards: A Weakness Exposed

When God joins a man and a woman together, he usually ensures that at least one of them goes postal. Wait–that didn’t come out right.

Let me start over.

When God joins a man and woman together, he usually ensures that at least one of them is proficient in all things related to the mail: notes, thank you notes, and returning invitations on time. There has never been a couple more bankrupt in this department than Julie and myself.

Wedding thank you notes were a six month trial, and I wonder if a few distant relatives on my list probably hate me because didn’t have the resolve to deliver just thanks. The mother of one friend called before the wedding, “Are you guys coming, we didn’t receive your reply card?”

My response: “Of course we’re coming, we sent the reply card months ago!” After the wedding we found it in our junk drawer of all places.

Today I vacuumed Julie’s car. With the understanding that her car only serves the purpose of transporting her to work–and it’s not a bad car, we just like our Subaru better–we have neglected interior maintenance.

I wanted to surprise her, so I cleared out trash and sucked up the gravel, dust, crumbs, and whatever else. On the floor of the back seat sat the reply card for her best friend’s wedding.

This card was going to change everything for us. I filled it out the day it arrived and proudly took it into the car so I could hand-deliver it to the post office.

I’m not sure what happened, but somehow the card ended up on the floor of the car. It was due on May 1st. The curse continues.

Julie is the maid of honor in this wedding, so I don’t think the mother of the bride or the bride worried all that much about the card. In my eyes it was the thought, the ceremony, the gesture. And I blew it. I blew it big time.

The card has been sent safely on its way for now. There’s another wedding coming up in August, and I’m training myself now to increase my mail box accuracy for the big event.

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8 thoughts on “Wedding Reply Cards: A Weakness Exposed

  1. Makeesha

    oh I can so very much relate to this infliction. We have it as well. It’s horrible. We’re bad with appointments *making and sometimes keeping* and we’re worse at RSVP’s, thank you’s and other cards. it really is awful.

  2. nate (aka roger)

    When it comes to sending thank you notes, I always figure…why bother?

    You gave me a gift – of course I’m thankful (I’m not that much of an ass). Even when the wedding card with money in it from my new wife’s great-aunt was addressed to “Jen and Roger” (who the hell is Roger?), I was still thankful – and I imagine Roger was too.

    If the gift giver’s gift giving prerequisite is a thank you note (as evidenced by the people who subtly and not so subtly say, “Did you get my gift? I never got a thank you note?”), it’s not truly a gift…it costs me the price of the thank you card and 39 cents in postage. “Thanks for making me spend money to send you a card to say something you should have already known, just so you can toss it in the trash.” Wasting money, wasting time, killing trees, filling landfills…I’m not in favor of any of these things.

    When we give gifts for weddings, showers, birthdays, and the like – we make sure to tell the recipient that their verbal thanks was enough. We don’t need to be validated by a cute piece of cardboard with a signature on it (even if that’s what your mom taught you was appropriate). We were giving the gift because we wanted to, not because we were looking for something in return. If you feel the need, call me on my cell phone, send me an e-mail, tell me in person – that’s thanks enough and it’s free. Or, don’t say thanks at all – if I gave you a gift, I know you’re thankful because chances are I don’t think you’re that much of an ass, either.

  3. jamie

    And some people like giving notes of thanks. If money isn’t an issue, what’s a 41 cent stamp and a little jot to let someone know you were touched?

  4. lauren

    on the one hand, i totally get nate’s sentiment. totally. and yet, likw jamie mentions, i am someone who really enjoys saying thank you. shrug. and who enjoys sending notes in general- not just to thank people for “gifts” but for their friendship, a kind word, a thoughtful gesture….i don’t think there’s a one-size-fits-all answer here…

  5. Sally Parrott Ashbrook

    Re thank you notes: If you don’t mail a thanks, I think you should at least email or call a thanks. That doesn’t cost anything (environmentally or financially) except a moment of your time. If someone takes the time, effort, and money to send a gift, you should reply to thank them! And I have had occasions where I really did wonder whether someone received a gift–it’s not always someone being bitchy.

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