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	<title>Comments on: Why Pastors Fall Into Affairs</title>
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	<link>http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/</link>
	<description>An imperfect and sometimes sarcastic perspective on following Jesus by Ed Cyzewski.</description>
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		<title>By: ed</title>
		<link>http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-6677</link>
		<dc:creator>ed</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 07 Jan 2012 03:23:14 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-6677</guid>
		<description>Maybe in some cases, though for many pastors, it&#039;s not very glamorous at all!</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Maybe in some cases, though for many pastors, it&#8217;s not very glamorous at all!</p>
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		<title>By: Pam Elmore</title>
		<link>http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-6676</link>
		<dc:creator>Pam Elmore</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 07 Jan 2012 03:18:44 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-6676</guid>
		<description>I know I&#039;m late to the party, but I have an alternative idea as to the &quot;why&quot; -- could it be that the &quot;glamour roles&quot; Nathan mentions are actually what attracts certain people to the pastorate? I guess what I&#039;m suggesting is to look beyond the pressure and expectation and even glamorization of the pastorate, and look at the character/personality of certain of those who are attracted to it precisely because of the elevated position it offers them. Maybe the pastorate attracts a disproportionate number of individuals with narcissistic or antisocial tendencies (I mean, in true DSM-IV-TR terms, not by popular definition).</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I know I&#8217;m late to the party, but I have an alternative idea as to the &#8220;why&#8221; &#8212; could it be that the &#8220;glamour roles&#8221; Nathan mentions are actually what attracts certain people to the pastorate? I guess what I&#8217;m suggesting is to look beyond the pressure and expectation and even glamorization of the pastorate, and look at the character/personality of certain of those who are attracted to it precisely because of the elevated position it offers them. Maybe the pastorate attracts a disproportionate number of individuals with narcissistic or antisocial tendencies (I mean, in true DSM-IV-TR terms, not by popular definition).</p>
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		<title>By: Renaldo</title>
		<link>http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-5599</link>
		<dc:creator>Renaldo</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 14 Jul 2011 05:01:43 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-5599</guid>
		<description>Thanks Ed and SurvivorGirl007.  This was the case in a church I am familiar with and the pastor thinks he just says &quot;I repent&quot; and all is fine.
  
He also had a history of this behavior.  He now blames those who left the church as not having &quot;love&quot;.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Thanks Ed and SurvivorGirl007.  This was the case in a church I am familiar with and the pastor thinks he just says &#8220;I repent&#8221; and all is fine.</p>
<p>He also had a history of this behavior.  He now blames those who left the church as not having &#8220;love&#8221;.</p>
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		<title>By: ed</title>
		<link>http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-4361</link>
		<dc:creator>ed</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 03 Nov 2010 23:55:17 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-4361</guid>
		<description>Abuse is an important aspect of this to keep in mind. Thanks for the links and for sharing your angle on this.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Abuse is an important aspect of this to keep in mind. Thanks for the links and for sharing your angle on this.</p>
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		<title>By: SurvivorGirl007</title>
		<link>http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-4356</link>
		<dc:creator>SurvivorGirl007</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 03 Nov 2010 18:38:31 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-4356</guid>
		<description>The word &quot;affair&quot; is really a misnomer as far as a pastor-congregant romantic relationship is concerned.  If a woman is romantically involved with her pastor, then is it an ABUSE situation.  Because of the power differential between a member of the clergy and a congregant, it is never a consensual relationship.  Pastors, like therapists, have a fiduciary responsibility to establish and maintain proper boundaries with members of their congregations.  This is rampant in the church, and congregations need to be educated on what it really is:  Clergy Sexual Abuse (CSA) and Clergy Sexual Misconduct (CSM).  Please take a look at this recent Baylor University study on CSA/CSM at www.baylor.edu/clergysexualmisconduct/ and also check out this informative website at www.thehopeofsurvivors.com.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>The word &#8220;affair&#8221; is really a misnomer as far as a pastor-congregant romantic relationship is concerned.  If a woman is romantically involved with her pastor, then is it an ABUSE situation.  Because of the power differential between a member of the clergy and a congregant, it is never a consensual relationship.  Pastors, like therapists, have a fiduciary responsibility to establish and maintain proper boundaries with members of their congregations.  This is rampant in the church, and congregations need to be educated on what it really is:  Clergy Sexual Abuse (CSA) and Clergy Sexual Misconduct (CSM).  Please take a look at this recent Baylor University study on CSA/CSM at <a href="http://www.baylor.edu/clergysexualmisconduct/" rel="nofollow">http://www.baylor.edu/clergysexualmisconduct/</a> and also check out this informative website at <a href="http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.com" rel="nofollow">http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.com</a>.</p>
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		<title>By: A Pastor, an Affair, and Reconciliation: A Review of Lost and Found &#124; :: in.a.mirror.dimly ::</title>
		<link>http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-4137</link>
		<dc:creator>A Pastor, an Affair, and Reconciliation: A Review of Lost and Found &#124; :: in.a.mirror.dimly ::</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 29 Sep 2010 13:35:15 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-4137</guid>
		<description>[...] Why Pastors Fall Into Affairs [...]</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>[...] Why Pastors Fall Into Affairs [...]</p>
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		<title>By: Captain’s Blog &#187; Why Pastors Have Affairs</title>
		<link>http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-4090</link>
		<dc:creator>Captain’s Blog &#187; Why Pastors Have Affairs</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 23 Sep 2010 06:44:30 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-4090</guid>
		<description>[...] David Trotter, the author I mentioned above, suggests that his affair became a possibility in his life due to the burnout he suffered in his church ministry roles. When our pastors work endless hours and are drained spiritually and emotionally, when they are so headstrong about storing up treasure in Heaven that their own souls begin to rust down here, then they are more easily at risk to falling into emotional and physical affairs. (Author Ed Cyzewski delves into this particular reason on his blog, In.A.Mirror.Dimly) [...]</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>[...] David Trotter, the author I mentioned above, suggests that his affair became a possibility in his life due to the burnout he suffered in his church ministry roles. When our pastors work endless hours and are drained spiritually and emotionally, when they are so headstrong about storing up treasure in Heaven that their own souls begin to rust down here, then they are more easily at risk to falling into emotional and physical affairs. (Author Ed Cyzewski delves into this particular reason on his blog, In.A.Mirror.Dimly) [...]</p>
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		<title>By: The Dark Side of Pastors: Getting to the Root of Pastoral Affairs &#124; :: in.a.mirror.dimly ::</title>
		<link>http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-3082</link>
		<dc:creator>The Dark Side of Pastors: Getting to the Root of Pastoral Affairs &#124; :: in.a.mirror.dimly ::</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 27 Jan 2010 14:04:58 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-3082</guid>
		<description>[...] editorial note: Over the years one of my blog’s most popular posts is “Why Pastors Fall Into Affairs.” Search engines send folks my way every day because of that post, which tells me that a lot of [...]</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>[...] editorial note: Over the years one of my blog’s most popular posts is “Why Pastors Fall Into Affairs.” Search engines send folks my way every day because of that post, which tells me that a lot of [...]</p>
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	<item>
		<title>By: ed</title>
		<link>http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-2832</link>
		<dc:creator>ed</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:09:39 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-2832</guid>
		<description>Nathan, you have a lot of wisdom to share here that I appreciate. You&#039;ve also confirmed my decision to not be a traditional pastor!</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Nathan, you have a lot of wisdom to share here that I appreciate. You&#8217;ve also confirmed my decision to not be a traditional pastor!</p>
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		<title>By: Nathan</title>
		<link>http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-2830</link>
		<dc:creator>Nathan</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 17 Nov 2009 20:39:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-2830</guid>
		<description>This whole topic has been a personal passion of mine since I was a kid. I grew up a PK (pastor&#039;s kid) and saw first hand how stress can literally beat up, not only the pastor, but his entire family. Over time it takes its physical toll, not to mention an emotional one. 

Why do pastor&#039;s fall? It&#039;s simple. They&#039;re broken people living in a broken world, just like the rest of us. I would like to shoot the person who decided that it was a good idea to place a pastor on a higher pedestal (literally and figuratively) than the rest of us. We look to them for guidance and for direction (and to an extent we should), but their position in &#039;the church&#039; is no greater in the kingdom of God than the janitor faithfully collecting the trash or cleaning the toilets every week or the nursery worker holding a crying infant. Every person equally plays their part in the body of Christ. 

But somewhere along the line we&#039;ve elevated the position of pastor to an unhealthy level. We&#039;ve created &quot;glamour roles&quot; in the church, starting with the pastor down to the worship leader, etc. I think it&#039;s because of this pressure and in some cases even popularity, that leads to a pastor trying to find strength in his own abilities. Over time, one mistep after another lends itself to public failure and then we all wonder how/why it happened. Pastors need accountability too. They need friendship. Constant prayer and fellowship. I&#039;ve seen firsthand how Satan absolutely barrages a pastor and his family, in ways the average person sitting in a pew will never understand. If you want to watch the dominoes fall, it only takes one and who better than the &quot;head&quot;?</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>This whole topic has been a personal passion of mine since I was a kid. I grew up a PK (pastor&#8217;s kid) and saw first hand how stress can literally beat up, not only the pastor, but his entire family. Over time it takes its physical toll, not to mention an emotional one. </p>
<p>Why do pastor&#8217;s fall? It&#8217;s simple. They&#8217;re broken people living in a broken world, just like the rest of us. I would like to shoot the person who decided that it was a good idea to place a pastor on a higher pedestal (literally and figuratively) than the rest of us. We look to them for guidance and for direction (and to an extent we should), but their position in &#8216;the church&#8217; is no greater in the kingdom of God than the janitor faithfully collecting the trash or cleaning the toilets every week or the nursery worker holding a crying infant. Every person equally plays their part in the body of Christ. </p>
<p>But somewhere along the line we&#8217;ve elevated the position of pastor to an unhealthy level. We&#8217;ve created &#8220;glamour roles&#8221; in the church, starting with the pastor down to the worship leader, etc. I think it&#8217;s because of this pressure and in some cases even popularity, that leads to a pastor trying to find strength in his own abilities. Over time, one mistep after another lends itself to public failure and then we all wonder how/why it happened. Pastors need accountability too. They need friendship. Constant prayer and fellowship. I&#8217;ve seen firsthand how Satan absolutely barrages a pastor and his family, in ways the average person sitting in a pew will never understand. If you want to watch the dominoes fall, it only takes one and who better than the &#8220;head&#8221;?</p>
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