Comments on: Why Pastors Fall Into Affairs http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/ An imperfect and sometimes sarcastic perspective on following Jesus by Ed Cyzewski. Tue, 22 May 2012 08:06:26 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: ed http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-7887 ed Thu, 05 Apr 2012 15:00:30 +0000 http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-7887 Thanks Ken for sharing your story. I'm sorry the system was so rough on you, but I'm glad you got out while you could. I also appreciate your understanding here, as we'll definitely need a lot of that for this topic! Thanks Ken for sharing your story. I’m sorry the system was so rough on you, but I’m glad you got out while you could. I also appreciate your understanding here, as we’ll definitely need a lot of that for this topic!

]]> By: Ken http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-7886 Ken Thu, 05 Apr 2012 14:42:19 +0000 http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-7886 Thank you, Ed. I left pastoral ministry after 31 years precisely because of the pressures and expectations you describe. Thanks to God's protecting grace and the love of a wonderful wife, we were spared the devastation of infidelity, but we paid--and continue to pay--a price for the unhealthy demands that the traditional pastor faces every day. I'd rather have had God kill me than allow me to be unfaithful, but I do understand how it can happen. Thanks for tackling this painful subject. Thank you, Ed. I left pastoral ministry after 31 years precisely because of the pressures and expectations you describe. Thanks to God’s protecting grace and the love of a wonderful wife, we were spared the devastation of infidelity, but we paid–and continue to pay–a price for the unhealthy demands that the traditional pastor faces every day. I’d rather have had God kill me than allow me to be unfaithful, but I do understand how it can happen. Thanks for tackling this painful subject.

]]> By: Monday Start (Resources for the Week) | A Place For The God-Hungry http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-7521 Monday Start (Resources for the Week) | A Place For The God-Hungry Mon, 27 Feb 2012 10:11:40 +0000 http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-7521 [...] Ed Cyzewski – “The Dark Side of Pastors: Getting to the Root of Pastoral Affairs” Also see “Why Pastors Fall Into Affairs.” [...] [...] Ed Cyzewski – “The Dark Side of Pastors: Getting to the Root of Pastoral Affairs” Also see “Why Pastors Fall Into Affairs.” [...]

]]> By: ed http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-6677 ed Sat, 07 Jan 2012 03:23:14 +0000 http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-6677 Maybe in some cases, though for many pastors, it's not very glamorous at all! Maybe in some cases, though for many pastors, it’s not very glamorous at all!

]]> By: Pam Elmore http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-6676 Pam Elmore Sat, 07 Jan 2012 03:18:44 +0000 http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-6676 I know I'm late to the party, but I have an alternative idea as to the "why" -- could it be that the "glamour roles" Nathan mentions are actually what attracts certain people to the pastorate? I guess what I'm suggesting is to look beyond the pressure and expectation and even glamorization of the pastorate, and look at the character/personality of certain of those who are attracted to it precisely because of the elevated position it offers them. Maybe the pastorate attracts a disproportionate number of individuals with narcissistic or antisocial tendencies (I mean, in true DSM-IV-TR terms, not by popular definition). I know I’m late to the party, but I have an alternative idea as to the “why” — could it be that the “glamour roles” Nathan mentions are actually what attracts certain people to the pastorate? I guess what I’m suggesting is to look beyond the pressure and expectation and even glamorization of the pastorate, and look at the character/personality of certain of those who are attracted to it precisely because of the elevated position it offers them. Maybe the pastorate attracts a disproportionate number of individuals with narcissistic or antisocial tendencies (I mean, in true DSM-IV-TR terms, not by popular definition).

]]> By: Renaldo http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-5599 Renaldo Thu, 14 Jul 2011 05:01:43 +0000 http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-5599 Thanks Ed and SurvivorGirl007. This was the case in a church I am familiar with and the pastor thinks he just says "I repent" and all is fine. He also had a history of this behavior. He now blames those who left the church as not having "love". Thanks Ed and SurvivorGirl007. This was the case in a church I am familiar with and the pastor thinks he just says “I repent” and all is fine.

He also had a history of this behavior. He now blames those who left the church as not having “love”.

]]> By: ed http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-4361 ed Wed, 03 Nov 2010 23:55:17 +0000 http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-4361 Abuse is an important aspect of this to keep in mind. Thanks for the links and for sharing your angle on this. Abuse is an important aspect of this to keep in mind. Thanks for the links and for sharing your angle on this.

]]> By: SurvivorGirl007 http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-4356 SurvivorGirl007 Wed, 03 Nov 2010 18:38:31 +0000 http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-4356 The word "affair" is really a misnomer as far as a pastor-congregant romantic relationship is concerned. If a woman is romantically involved with her pastor, then is it an ABUSE situation. Because of the power differential between a member of the clergy and a congregant, it is never a consensual relationship. Pastors, like therapists, have a fiduciary responsibility to establish and maintain proper boundaries with members of their congregations. This is rampant in the church, and congregations need to be educated on what it really is: Clergy Sexual Abuse (CSA) and Clergy Sexual Misconduct (CSM). Please take a look at this recent Baylor University study on CSA/CSM at www.baylor.edu/clergysexualmisconduct/ and also check out this informative website at www.thehopeofsurvivors.com. The word “affair” is really a misnomer as far as a pastor-congregant romantic relationship is concerned. If a woman is romantically involved with her pastor, then is it an ABUSE situation. Because of the power differential between a member of the clergy and a congregant, it is never a consensual relationship. Pastors, like therapists, have a fiduciary responsibility to establish and maintain proper boundaries with members of their congregations. This is rampant in the church, and congregations need to be educated on what it really is: Clergy Sexual Abuse (CSA) and Clergy Sexual Misconduct (CSM). Please take a look at this recent Baylor University study on CSA/CSM at http://www.baylor.edu/clergysexualmisconduct/ and also check out this informative website at http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.com.

]]> By: A Pastor, an Affair, and Reconciliation: A Review of Lost and Found | :: in.a.mirror.dimly :: http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-4137 A Pastor, an Affair, and Reconciliation: A Review of Lost and Found | :: in.a.mirror.dimly :: Wed, 29 Sep 2010 13:35:15 +0000 http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-4137 [...] Why Pastors Fall Into Affairs [...] [...] Why Pastors Fall Into Affairs [...]

]]> By: Captain’s Blog » Why Pastors Have Affairs http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/comment-page-1/#comment-4090 Captain’s Blog » Why Pastors Have Affairs Thu, 23 Sep 2010 06:44:30 +0000 http://inamirrordimly.com/2007/08/09/why-pastors-fall-into-affairs/#comment-4090 [...] David Trotter, the author I mentioned above, suggests that his affair became a possibility in his life due to the burnout he suffered in his church ministry roles. When our pastors work endless hours and are drained spiritually and emotionally, when they are so headstrong about storing up treasure in Heaven that their own souls begin to rust down here, then they are more easily at risk to falling into emotional and physical affairs. (Author Ed Cyzewski delves into this particular reason on his blog, In.A.Mirror.Dimly) [...] [...] David Trotter, the author I mentioned above, suggests that his affair became a possibility in his life due to the burnout he suffered in his church ministry roles. When our pastors work endless hours and are drained spiritually and emotionally, when they are so headstrong about storing up treasure in Heaven that their own souls begin to rust down here, then they are more easily at risk to falling into emotional and physical affairs. (Author Ed Cyzewski delves into this particular reason on his blog, In.A.Mirror.Dimly) [...]

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