Oct 1, 2008
Coffeehouse Theology Creates Total Truth Index Rebound
Another fine piece of gibberish from the author of Coffeehouse Theology…
What could be more important than truth?
Without truth, our words are meaningless. Relationships would crumble. Criminals would run free without witnesses to testify. Poker games would grind to a halt since everyone’s bluffing. Injuries would sky rocket with everyone taking the dare. Tom Cruise wouldn’t know what he wanted and Jack Nicholson wouldn’t know what Tom Cruise can’t handle.
Language, people, games, movies, and society itself rely on truth. Logically, it is no less the case with religion.
Christianity relies on truth in order to survive. The word “truth” comes up 228 times in the Bible, making this very concept a pillar to Biblical revelation. Without truth we wouldn’t know what to believe in. Without “truth” 228 verses would cease to make any sense.
And yet truth is very much cast in doubt in today’s world. Some people say that you can’t be 100% certain about truth. In response to these concerns, the Total Truth Index has been established to track the progress of truth in our world. It has been a rough time of late with Colbert’s introduction of “truthiness” to our vocabulary, to say nothing of his allegation that reality has a liberal slant. In many quarters, truth has been on the retreat, and the Total Truth Index has been on the decline.
In a world with a truth shortage, leading theological thinkers have been working on a truth stimulus package, but so far have only met with meager gains. Recently, a relatively unknown theologian named Ed Cyzewski has offered a book that may in fact turn our truth crisis around: Coffeehouse Theology. In fact, recent studies have proven that since Coffeehouse Theology’s release on September 15th, 2008, the Total Truth Index has skyrocketed to a 736 rating. This is a leap from its previous stagnation at 672, a number perilously close to 666 and the cause of much doom-saying.
Analysts are divided in their opinions on just how Coffeehouse Theology has managed to create more truth in the world. Some say it’s rooted in truth speculation in Europe, causing an inflation of American truth-backed securities. The inflationists believe the bubble will burst sometime after Christmas and the market will level out.
However, there are many theology bloggers claiming that the emphasis in Coffeehouse Theology on listening to other theological perspectives, especially in the historic and global churches has generated genuinely new truth shares. This sudden influx of truth shares, according to the perspectivists, is a righting of the truth market to where it should have been all along. Most assert the TTI will never reach the perfect 777 mark, but they believe the gains made by Coffeehouse Theology will hold for the time being.
Ed Cyzewski, the author of Coffeehouse Theology, states, “The only way we can guarantee the steady rise of the TTI index away from its complete meltdown is if consumers act without delay and purchase Coffeehouse Theology no later than this Friday.”
GIBBERISH ALERT: Dear reader, any time you spy the “gibberish” label on a blog post here, be forewarned that it’s just something I made up. It’s not true. There is not Total Truth Index, which means buying Coffeehouse Theology will in no way assist in shoring it up. I’ve warned you. Now go buy yourself the book!!!
