Apr 1, 2009
Coffeeshack Theology: The Next GREAT FADNESS
April 1st is the perfect time to announce my exciting new book project: Coffeeshack Theology. I hope every perspective will feel appropriately roasted by this little parody…
The story centers on a man named Zack, who once read a best selling theology book in a coffee shop that was so poorly written, he could never visit a coffee shop or even put coffee to his lips ever again. He calls that experience: THE GREAT FADNESS. While stepping outside into the warm, cheerful rays of sun that beamed across the country landscape brimming with reflecting brilliance and yellow hues that warmed his soul and spoke of bright, cheerful days that once filled him before he read THE GREAT FADNESS, Zack found a note in his mailbox. It read,
“Meet me at the coffee shack this weekend. – Masculine Reformed Deity”
Zack didn’t know what to make of this note that he read while the suns rays slipped behind a passing cloud casting a cool shadow that sent a chill over his body and cast a darkness where there once had been warm rays of sunshine, which symbolized the sorrow he felt after reading THE GREAT FADNESS. In the passing days, he summoned his courage and visited the coffee shack.
It was a quiet morning, and so Zack settled into a back room with a cup of French roast, his favorite coffee before THE GREAT FADNESS. He stared at the coffee, trying to decide if he should take a sip when a boom from the front of the cafe startled him.
A huge, hulking Calvinist of a man swaggered in, stomping his feet and clenching his fists. Steam radiated from his flaring nostrils. Pointing a finger at Zack, he boomed, “I hear you’ve been reading trashy theology books that teach relativism and turn me into a modalistic sky fairy!”
“Are you the… the… Masculine Reformed Deity?” asked Zack, his hands trembling.
The man tossed Zack’s table aside, picked him up, and pressed him against the wall. “What do you think punk?”
“Ye-Yes…” said Zack. “Are you going to beat me up?”
“Do you think you could take me?” boomed the deity. “Do you really think I’m some kind of sissy who’s going to take the relativistic crap you’ve been reading about me?”
“No,” replied Zack. “You could definitely beat me up.”
The deity’s shoulders relaxed and Zack sank into his chair. When Zack looked up, the deity was standing behind a pulpit and launched into a booming sermon.
“You can’t read theology books that ride the wave of cultural fads!” he yelled. “These books that encase bad theology with fancy little stories about dudes who think God is also a woman or that God permits women to be pastors…”
“Well I read a book called Coffeehouse Theology that said something like that once…” started Zack.
“That’s heresy! Heresy!” boomed the Masculine Reformed Deity.
Zack wasn’t prepared for what happened next…
And that’s all we have time for today! Stay tuned for the release of Coffeeshack Theology on April 1st, 2010.
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!
Ed…love it! How funny is this!
Made my April Fool’s Day!
You rock brother,
Blessings full of laughter and grace,
Paul (author of The Shack)
[Reply]
Thanks so much! I wrote this post thinking, “If Paul doesn’t think this is funny, it won’t work.” So I’m glad you’re laughing. THAT makes my April Fools day.
Blessings from a fool for Christ!
[Reply]
Well done Ed. Very funny.
[Reply]
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