:: In.a.Mirror.Dimly ::

The other night we watched a movie with a main character whose life was falling to pieces. While his son disowned him in favor of religious fanaticism, the man also alienated himself from his wife—a matter where both sides made errors but he certainly made the majority of them. In the midst of this unhappy time, a young woman shares her feelings for him and presto, we have an affair.

I found much of this difficult to watch because, in a sense, you believe in him, understand his perspective, and wonder if he’s doing the right thing by looking out for himself. As he becomes further embattled throughout the movie, I found myself tempted to take his side, though I knew he was doing something horrible. How could such a character arouse sympathy?

Affairs always start slow…The fact of the matter is, whatever the intent of the filmmakers, I think this film exposes a powerful truth about affairs—they start slow with estrangement and then pick up speed when attachment forms to another. By the time temptation, real temptation sets in, what used to seem unimaginable suddenly seems right because the only right option has been cut off. As Christians, I think we need to speak candidly about never letting our lives reach that point—the point where an affair can actually seem possible, as in the case of this movie.

I have a few thoughts to share regarding purity that I have found especially helpful over the course of six years (going on seven) of marriage.

Don’t lest distance set in between yourself and your spouse… Our lives hold their share of stress and difficulties. Whatever the circumstances, I am always impressed with doing the small things to keep close such as getting up to eat breakfast together, taking walks together, eating dinner together, and not staying up late on the computer—those are some things that I note for myself at least, I’m sure others will jot down their own lists.

Call wandering thoughts what they are… A few years back I asked the Lord for insight into lust and I received a clear, immediate answer, “It’s a spirit of adultery.” At that moment I sensed a kind of breaking of that spirit’s power, and from that day on I have possessed a powerful weapon in prayer. I’m not reducing Christianity to a kind of incantation someone can utter. However, we are dealing with spiritual realities, and must deal with them properly. I love my wife and want nothing to come between us, which means that any temptation setting itself against that relationship comes from the spirit of adultery. Call it what it is, ask God to break that spirit and send it packing every time it shows up, and don’t let it stick around one moment longer.

Surrender is the path to victory… Another powerful insight in my walk with the Lord has been the concept of surrender. In other words, God asks his followers to put everything on the table, and the same goes in marriage. Falling in love and marrying someone means surrendering all emotions for others. Any emotions that creep in outside of that relationship must be surrendered to God. Before I married Julie that idea was driven home by attending many of my friends’ weddings in which the phrase, “forsaking all others,” is used. This is a powerful, decisive action that we take in our vows, but must continually do every day in a marriage. We surrender all, whether physical or emotional, to God, and as such, we are free from enslaving desires  to enjoy God, our spouses, and the rest of creation in proper balance.

As a Christian I believe it is crucial that we never let any impure thoughts take root in our minds, especially if we are married. Remember, Paul said that no other sin harms us like sexual sins. What may seem the smallest of sins at first can drive a wedge into our relationships with God and our spouses, leading to terrible situations. It is therefore imperative to truthfully deal with these sins before they take root and become too powerful in our lives. Purity starts in our thoughts, emotions, and spirits as we surrender ourselves to God.