:: in.a.mirror.dimly ::

As of today I’ve been on this earth for 30 years. That feels like a long time. It strikes me as the mark that I’m sort of officially an adult since I’m not a “20-something” any more. And yet, with most folks aging to 80, I may very well still have a lot of time left on this earth, and with that in mind, I feel very, very grateful today.

For the majority of my 30 years I’ve been a follower of Jesus. At the age of 15 I started to take it a bit more seriously and have generally sought to go deeper into that relationship with Jesus. It has lead me to some unexpected places, the latest being our move to Connecticut.

From one perspective, someone could look at my life as it stands right now and not see a whole lot. My last job wasn’t all that impressive as far as building a career, my first book didn’t break any sales records, and I’m going to write freelance full time which means lots of work and very little money. We also have a house that’s for sale during a slow economy. The math doesn’t look all that hot. However, the more I meditate on what God’s up to, I feel very rich.

For the first time in my life, I have a clear sense of what I want to do with my life: speak, teach, and write. I love doing all of these things on the topic of Christian theology, but I also enjoy helping fellow writers and artists succeed. So many people have to trudge through life punching in and punching out at a terrible 9 to 5, not knowing what they would love to do. Even if there isn’t a lot of money in this right now, I know what I’m passionate about and what God has made me to do.

I feel like my life during my 20’s was a messy kitchen with all kinds of ingredients in the wrong places, in the wrong recipes, and completely out of order. I had an idea of the ingredients I wanted, but now they are starting to fall into place and to make sense. I can start cooking. To have that much figured out at 30 strikes me as a real blessing.

To be frank, every year that goes by is another step forward into holiness, into the kind of person God wants me to become. I don’t want to be 18, 20, or 22 again because I don’t want to be that selfish or materialistic ever again. Just this past week, while moving, I’ve been meditating on the cross: forgiveness, dying to self, and submitting to God in tough times. These are precious lessons that I value, that give freedom, and that I would never trade away.

When living by faith daily, we trust that God is at work in our lives, changing us into his kind of people. People who value holiness, righteousness, truth, and love. Over the past month I’ve been learning to truly value these things—cultivating them actively. It’s not enough to simply want to be holy or more loving. It’s a Spirit-empowered partnership that we must dive into with every bit of our wills, even as we trust that without the work of God’s Spirit all is lost.

Growth is not a weakness.

Age is not to be feared.

When trusting God to work on my life, I can look back at the past 30 years as an incredible gift I need in order to face today. They are not lost or wasted years. These years should not be mourned. The failures and triumphs are helping me learn and grow.

At the end of the day, my goal is to experience the fullness of Christ and the love of God right here and right now. I haven’t always done a great job at that, but by God’s grace I hope to continue taking steps toward holiness and ultimately toward eternity.