Dec 5, 2009
Sarcastic Saturday: New David Crowder Album “Hazardous” to Youth Pastors
Just a reminder to readers that Sarcastic Saturday is always fictional…
A large number of rhythmically-challenged youth pastors have reported serious injuries that have been linked to the recent release of the David Crowder Band’s latest CD, Church Music. “It’s just so, so… upbeat,” shared one youth pastor from his iron lung. “I’ve said this a lot a in youth ministry, but seminary never prepared me for this. Besides, my conservative Christian college didn’t even allow dancing. What was I supposed to do when the title track starts by saying, ‘Dance!’?”
Churches and denominational boards have taken swift action throughout the country in confiscating the CD, MP3 players, ipods, and computers that may have the album. “This is primarily affecting youth pastors who don’t have any sense of rhythm and who bought the album thinking that it would have traditional church music on it,” shared the elder of one church that recently completed a sweep of all electronic devices in his congregation.
From Lutherans to Methodists to Baptists, the injuries for youth pastors have caused a serious ministry crisis. “For the good of the church, these youth pastors just need to suck it up and start listening to Amy Grant again,” said one anonymous Baptist minister.
During an interview at the rehabilitation pool of a county hospital, one youth pastor shared her experience with Church Music: “Crowder’s other CDs had some electronic elements, but generally the guitar riffs and steady drum beat gave us something we could just hop around to. Then that ‘Eastern Hymn’ got pumping and I just lost complete control.” After falling over in a tangled wreck off the stage and into the sound equipment she’s facing six months of rehabilitation.
With such disturbing trends depleting the ranks of youth pastors, parents have begun pulling their children out of youth groups until the Church Music season passes. “I don’t want my kids to learn bad dancing habits from our uncoordinated youth pastor. I’m surprised that more kids haven’t been injured with so much contagious bad dancing spreading.”
The youth pastor in question could not be reached for comment because of a broken jaw suffered in a Church Music-related accident.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by edcyzewski and edcyzewski, astatum. astatum said: Sarcastic Saturday: Church Music by @crowderband is "Hazardous" to Youth Pastors: http://bit.ly/5bn2ct (via @edcyzewski) [...]
i thought i could handle it. as a youth leader and worship leader all at the same time, i figured i had the musical wherewithal to cope with the infectious beats. i was wrong. i simply could not get the rhythm of “the veil” out of my head, and so i gave in to the madness and had a pre-frontal lobotomy. now i completely lack the ability to capitalize any letters in my typing…
“infectious beats”? Sounds like you have the Church1 Music1 virus…
Oh my! I laughed so hard I almost choked…which probably would have led to spastic movements that some would have considered dancing….which might have offended someone…not that my regular dancing wouldn’t offend some people…anyway….:) lol