:: in.a.mirror.dimly ::

Just a reminder that Sarcastic Saturday is a fictional parody of myself, but this week I don’t think any one will be safe…

I receive lots of pleas from charities and schools in December asking for an end of the year donation—as if that would help MY taxes. I think you need to make something above the poverty line for that to work…

Many Christian groups are saying stuff like, “Donate so we can be a strong voice for the Gospel,” or “Help us stand for the truth,” or “Help us preserve Christian America,” or some other plea where your money will somehow save the world. Well, if you think giving your money to one of these groups is going to do any of those things, then I suggest you support the people who can do the most good: Christian writers.

Really, supporting Christian writers can’t be all that bad an idea. My theology professor who provides us with marriage counseling tells us it’s no worse than learning our theology and politics from a family psychologist. There really are a lot of reasons why you should buy the books of Christian writers, ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO WRITE THEOLOGY BOOKS, with your year-end giving…

We’ll give you a good scare… Do you like being scared by possible scenarios and threats in America? Then writers are the perfect people to make that kind of stuff up!

We’ll prevent Amazon from taking over the world… We’re only one act of Congress or one reading device away from Amazon taking over our country and calling it the United States of Amazon. Do you really want all writers to be locked in sweat shops in order to produce novels that earn them paltry royalties that you’ll only be able to read on your personal Kindle that you can only purchase with an Amazon-approved ISBN number on your forehead? I didn’t think so. Writers need your support if they’re going to survive apart from Amazon.

See, I told you we were good at making stuff up…

We’ll write cool, authentic books about doing cool, authentic things AND Tweet about them… Twitter is full of so much garbage these days about celebrities. Wouldn’t you rather support writers who can post awesome, authentic tweets? Let’s face it, authenticity sells.

Not convinced yet?

Your children need to be properly equipped by professional Christian writers… Start buying our books and you’ll soon see that your kids really don’t need that many toys this year. In fact, your kids don’t really need toys at all. They need OUR BOOKS.

And in the event that godless liberals take over America, it will be nice if we have a bunch of Christian books around for them to pick up by chance once Christians are all exiled to Alaska—soon to become the final redoubt of REAL America.

Investing in Christian writers is kind of sound invest that will pay dividends whether America is turned into Christian dominion, the United States of Amazon, or a godless haunt ruled by liberals. Visit Amazon.com today to support Christian writers!