Apr 14, 2010
Where is God When We Hit a Wall?
After a series of disappointments and discouragements yesterday, I hit a wall. It was nothing too terrible, but just frustrating enough and regular enough to make me feel like a mini-Job. Everything I touched yesterday seemed to become either worse or a lot worse.
On Facebook and Twitter I used my Passive Aggressive Status Pass.
I ranted a bit at home. I pouted quietly to myself. And then I laid in bed asking God what the hell just happened.
I was in a mood.
The words of Jesus from the Gospels came to mind, “What do you want?”
Jesus asked that question from many people in the Gospels. They usually had one thing such as, “I want to see” or “I want you to heal my dying daughter.” I had a list of thirty or so smaller things that would make life for us a ton easier if they fell into place as planned. I also had my own nagging insecurities tagging along to keep me in the dumps.
What did I want? Well, in thinking about my day, I realized that I could at least say I didn’t want God all that much. I wanted solutions: accepted articles, writing projects to fall into place, etc. I also wanted security and possibly a little bit of success—you know, not too much lest I get prideful. Wink, wink.
I got to thinking about all of this, and then I thought of my post from last week about Jesus leaving us his peace. I had my own plan for achieving peace, but Jesus has given us peace already. When my own plans for peace hit a wall yesterday, I sensed God reminding me that he wasn’t interested in giving me peace through my own means.
Step away from the wall.
I needed to let go of my own plans and desires, opting instead to rest in him and his peace and letting that be enough. It feels like a cop out to say that in one sense. But when the most important command from Jesus is to love God and to love others, it strikes me that I need to get the foundation right before expecting anything else to fall into place.
Where was God when I hit my wall? Waiting for me, offering me peace, and even loving me. While I kicked at the wall that I couldn’t get past, he was waiting for me to step away from it and to follow him.
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I hit a wall yesterday too. And hard. There’s so much going on in my life. God is the wall (and I hit it hard). He won’t let me go anywhere else that I’m not supposed to go. I love God!
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Thanks for sharing Renee. Someone commented on Facebook that God is the wall, so you’re certainly not alone! I love the idea of God stopping us dead in our tracks for our own good, even if we don’t want to hear about it. Hang in there. I hope things aren’t too bad for you right now. Writing can be a tough and lonely profession!
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