:: In.a.Mirror.Dimly ::

Last week I had a very difficult time discerning God’s will. We had a big decision to make, and it’s hard to say what exactly happened. However, by the time the smoke cleared, my understanding of prayer changed in a significant way.

Prayer usually works for me like this: I need X, and so I pray about X. I surrender X to God, and ask God to take care of X for me.

I think I’m right about trying to hold loosely to whatever my prayer requests are. While I bring my needs to God and try to remain open to however he may lead, I’m learning that prayer isn’t all about arriving at an answer or solution.

I thought I had a sense of God’s direction for my own X last week, but then circumstances threw me for a loop. I realized that the solution for X, the solution that I thought I held loosely, was not going to work. Confused, I didn’t quite know what to do next.

At some point in the next 24 hours, my X was solved in an unexpected way, and I had peace about it. But what exactly happened?

I’m not quite sure, but I think God is still teaching me to seek him and not just solutions to my problems. This has been a common thread for me in the past year. I was so focused on a solution and the peace that I didn’t give too much thought to the state of my relationship with God throughout the week.

In fact, I measured my connection with God based on his reply to X. In the grand scheme of things, my problems should not determine how I relate to God. They are important, but my primary goal in prayer is to meet with the Lord, not to make my life neat and tidy.

That’s a tough lesson to learn when you have the ear of the Creator of the Universe.