Sep 7, 2010
What a Good Marriage Should Do
I learned a profound lesson about marriage a few years ago while chatting with my friend Jenna. We’ve known each other since high school. She married my friend Brian after hanging out for years in the same group of friends. Brian is high-energy, while Jenna is quiet and laid-back, but when they started dating I knew they were meant for each other.
They came from very, very different backgrounds. For starters, Jenna sang almost professionally. As in, she considered going into opera or something like that at one point. Brian mountain bikes and listens to hard core music. And yet, when I asked Brian about attending one of Jenna’s recitals, he closed his eyes and talked about how incredible it was.
There was no other place he’d rather be.
Jenna and I caught up after she and Brian had been married for a few years, and she told me, to my surprise, that she was now running a major music program. She gave Brian a lot of credit, saying, “He gives me so much confidence and support. It’s as if he helps me be myself better than I could on my own.”
I first fell in love with Julie because I felt like we could both be ourselves around each other. We enjoyed that authenticity and what we found as we opened our lives to one another. I loved who she is. I still do.
And now, after eight years of marriage, we show love by helping each other grow and flourish.
When we were first married I tried to make Julie more like me. I mean, what could be better? That plan didn’t work out so well.
However, I have discovered that in finding out who she is and helping her thrive, I’ve fallen even more in love with her. It’s also way more exciting to see another person flourish right before your eyes.
After eight years of marriage I’ve learned that my role as a husband is to love my wife by continuing to learn about her, supporting her, and making sure she knows I love her. And make no mistake, that is hard work that I sometimes falter in doing.
During our ninth year of marriage I pray that I can support her and continue to help her become more like herself than she could on her own.
well said, Ed! Thanks for the reminder.
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Best wishes to you both: you’ve made it to eight, may you make it to eighty!
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I’m afraid I’d run out of jokes Ray…
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Ed, that is a remarkable observation, especially — forgive me — so early in your marriage.
When I married, my sister and brother-in-law told me, “After 10 years, then you really start to get comfortable with each other.” My new bride and I said, “No way! We’re already completely comfortable.”
But 10 years later, it was true: we reached a new point, and could agree with what we had been told. And after another 10 years, even more so.
…Which makes me wonder what eternity in God’s presence will be like.
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Thanks Jon. Now I’m really looking forward to our 10th anniversary!
Blessings.
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Happy anniversary! A great post and true insight of love and marriage. We’re coming up on 10 next spring (yikes! how did we become that old!?) and every year gets better.
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