May 19, 2011
Cutting Loose Excess Baggage for a Course Change
I never knew what to do with my pictures before I got a digital camera. I’d just pile them up in shoe boxes, occasionally sticking some in an album if someone gave me one. Any pictures not in an album were just forgotten in a box.
While in college I dated a few girls. None of those relationships lasted longer than a few months. However, even without digital cameras offering the ease of taking hundreds of awkward self-portrait couples pictures, I ended up with quite a few pictures that I stuffed away in my picture box.
When Julie and I got engaged, I began sorting through my stuff in order to downsize prior to moving into our apartment. I found a stack of pictures with these old girlfriends from my early college days.
It’s not like I hoped to one day rekindle any of those old flames. I was in love with Julie, and therefore the old pictures had to go. It wasn’t like I needed to purge them from my memory, but I wanted to make a clean break with the past.
I couldn’t think of any reason to hold on to that part of my past as I moved forward into something new.
Last week I wrote about learning to match up my to do list and actions with seeking first the Kingdom of God. While I need to take steps toward the things God is calling me to, old plans and goals can still hold me back. Besides moving forward to new things, I’ve found that I also need to cut loose the things associated with my old plans that I’m not pursuing.
I had plans for my life: become a pastor or church planter. While attending seminary, I accumulated all of the materials required. What did I accumulate? Books of course.
I worked at a church, attended seminary, and read all of the latest ideas and insights from pastors and church planting experts. I also read all of the latest Christian books that caused a stir. I felt that I needed to know what was going on int eh wider church so that I would have a solid perspective on what I should and should not do.
Church planting principles were crammed into my brain. Leadership books sat on my shelf.
However, the more I immersed myself into the church world, I realized that I wasn’t called to be a traditional pastor. I really, really wasn’t called to be a church planter. Heaven help the people who joined me in planting a church.
It took about five years for God to pry all of my fingers away from that dream. In the end, God led me to writing—a much better match for my gifts and temperament. However, the residue of that dream still surrounded me on my book shelves.
I have books. Oh, do I have books.
Books about church planting, church leadership, preaching, and all kinds of popular books that every church leader needed to know about.
I finally realized this month that the books need to go. I asked myself, “Am I a writer or a pastor?” If I’m really a writer, then I don’t need these 50+ books. If I want to hang on to those books, then I need to ask myself, “Why can’t I let go of these books?”
The answer is that one finger may still be clinging to that old dream. Somewhere in my brain, I keep wondering about that old dream. And if I’m still wondering about that old dream, then I may need those books.
Those books are a dead weight that serve no purpose. If anything, they are a temptation to return to something that didn’t work out and isn’t part of my future.
I’ve been learning that part of embracing God’s calling for us means cutting away our old goals and plans that may divide our hearts or pull us in the wrong direction.
Today’s post is part of Bonnie Gray’s Thursday Faith Jam Series. Check out her post today: To Quit or Not to Quit.
Okay, now you’re stepping on my toes. I was looking at my bookshelves just yesterday, trying to decide what to keep and what to give up. Very hard decisions that reflect different seasons of my life. Thanks for the insights. I’ll tackle the project anew.
Hang int here. One thing I tell myself is that I can’t think of one thing I’ve gotten rid of that I regret. There aren’t any books that I wish I’d kept. Having said that, I still have bunches of books I’ve held onto.
Thanks! I needed this perspective. I have boxes of books that haven’t seen light in years. Hanging on to old dreams and seasons certainly makes it hard to be expectant for new life in the now.
Even if by some circuitous route you end up planting or pastoring a church, I can assure you: you don’t need the books!
I hear ya. Though some of those books were very liberating for me. Organic Church by Neil Cole really opened my eyes to the many ways that we can pursue Christian community. I gave that book to a guy who’s planting a church, and I think it’s a good one to have on hand. However, since Jesus is the one building his church, it’s certainly way more important to have a lot of Jesus and a dash of books. I suspect it’s sometimes tempting to make it the other way around–say a quick prayer and then read, read, read.
I throw old pictures in a box. Never been an album kind of gal. I don’t even know where it is or what is in it. LOL
Or maybe you just like books! I have many books I know I will never read again but they are like old friends who were part of my life in a different season. I may never see them again but I don’t throw out the memories either. Not a perfect analogy, it will do this morning.
Good point John. That’s another angle. I certainly have held onto some old books that I just want to have around. I suppose the difference is that I need to get rid of the books that I hoped to use in making me into someone that I’m not. With those books staring down at me, I was either tempted to become someone I’m not or to mourn that I hadn’t become that person. That being said, I have at least one or two theology books that I plan to send your way.
I understand and “feel” the pain. Hummmm, can you sneak the books into the house while Betty is off grocery shopping? Sometimes when a package comes with an amazon.com return address I hear muttered threats of husband burning.
I’ll hide them inside your lawn mower.
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I 200% understand. I thought I was going to be a missionary or a pastor, and then when I had to courage to accept it wasn’t where God was leading me, I learned how hard it was to let go. I learned that the Gospel I so passionately wanted to pass on wasn’t leaving. I was His Gospel and I was ready to be sent wherever that was – and that meant saying goodbye to that old dream. And I love where He’s sending me… to the world of words. I loved the analogy with the pics you got rid of in getting married,Ed! May you experience the same fruitfulness of the harvest as you sow seeds of faith with words.