:: In.a.Mirror.Dimly ::

I can probably count on one hand the number of times that I’ve prayed for less of a good thing. Can I even count one time I’ve ever prayed such a prayer? Who knows?

All I know is that more of a good thing is always better. It’s conventional wisdom that growth = health. So when you pray, pray for more. Pray for more people to get saved, more power, more love, more Holy Spirit, more peace, more protection, more… provision (A.K.A. money).

Ah, the money prayer, how many times have I recited you?

All of the requests listed above are good things, but there’s a problem when we always ask for more. We can become fragmented and frantic, checking to see if those prayers have been answered, always looking for growth, always assuming that we don’t have enough.

Sometimes we need to just say thank you. And sometimes we need God to yank things out of our hands.

Over the past few months I’ve been busy with some extra projects that are over and above my typical workload. As a freelance writer, I always welcome more work. You never turn down a legit job that pays well. That meant I had to work some late nights just to keep up with the extra work.

I finally hit a point a few weeks ago where I realized my priorities have been out of balance.  I’d failed to invest in some key projects and writing communities that mattered the most to me. The more urgent, higher paying work had crowded out some key parts of my writing ministry.

It was as if Ann Voskamp had broken into my house, shoved a bullhorn up to my ear, and shouted, “Life is NOT AN EMERGENCY!”

So, I cried out to God for help—with my problems, not Ann Voskamp.

When I pray, I try to avoid suggested solutions. I want to let God do as he pleases so I can just follow along in my place as a disciple. However, that didn’t stop me from having expectations…

I expected that God would give me amazing clarity and focus so that I could get a super-human amount of work done.

I expected him to help me do more, to give me more abilities, to help me continue to increase my work.

I expected more.

Instead, God’s provision was less. One of my regular clients wrote to say he won’t need anything for a month or two. A few weeks ago, I would have seen that as a tragedy. Now, I can see that as God’s provision. I’ve had such peace since reading that e-mail.

God has given me less. He placed a desire in my heart to use my writing as a ministry, and that desire is what began to kick and scream against my pace and priorities. I needed God’s intervention. I never would have chosen this solution, but when I read that e-mail from my client, I knew that it was part of God’s plan. I knew my prayer had been answered.

God has given me less, and I’m so grateful for it.