:: In.a.Mirror.Dimly ::

I used to work for someone who usually ended the week saying, “Thanks for all you do.”

That used to drive me crazy. What was he thanking me for? Eating my lunch? Getting a project done on time? Checking my personal e-mail while on the job?

I know this wasn’t what he meant, but I interpreted his encouragement catch-all as: “You’re not important enough for me to take the time to find out what you do well.”

Some weeks I wondered if it would have been better if he’d said nothing at all.

Sometimes the wrong kind of encouragement leaves us worse off than we were before.

In order for encouragement to actually work, it needs to be specific.

Be Specific or Else…

I think about this a lot since I volunteer and have managed volunteers for years. A big part of appreciating volunteers and ensuring they continue to help out is to give them specific encouragement. Specific encouragement is the fuel that keeps us going.

Encouragement that affirms something a particular will empower others to keep going. It’s so critical for volunteers and for ministers that I don’t think anyone can continue to serve effectively for a long period of time without it.

I would go so far as saying that encouragement is one of the ways God’s Spirit guides us in our service—it’s an outside validation that we have heard from God correctly.

Without mentioning something specific, our words fall flat and may even communicate that we don’t care.

Critique without Encouragement

I actually have a rule I try to follow, especially in church. I don’t let myself critique anyone unless I have encouraged that person first.

This is a worthwhile goal because many volunteers and ministers don’t hear feedback from people until something bad happens. Back in my worship leading days I’d guess that at least 80% of the feedback was negative—usually critiques of my song choices.

Critique without encouragement tells others that they are probably doing something terribly wrong. Even if someone is serving in the wrong position, look for what that person does well, affirm that, and perhaps suggest that he/she may be more effective somewhere else.

Critique alone could just leave a person feeling lost.

A Practical Step Toward Encouragement

If I could make one last suggestion for a practical way forward, I’ll be teaching a course on equipping volunteers for ministry at Biblical Theological Seminary outside of Philadelphia on August 12-13.

We’ll cover a broad range of topics related to supporting volunteers for ministry, and one of the major topics will be appreciation. You better believe we’ll talk a lot more about what effective encouragement looks like.

For more information, contact the academic office at 800.235.4021 or e-mail academic@biblical.edu.

While in seminary, a small conservative church hired me to teach their Wednesday evening Bible study. It was the perfect opportunity to get some practical ministry experience, even though I never saw myself leading that kind of church one day. I was also planning to get married in the near future, so the extra money didn’t hurt.

The group was rarely larger than ten people, but I took it very seriously. I dug through commentaries and prepared some pretty substantial sermons each week. I didn’t know how to lead a discussion, but I think they wanted a teacher, not a discussion leader.

They were very nice people, but as I drove home each week, I’d think to myself, “Phew! That was hard work. I’m glad that’s over for this week.”

Around the same time I was visiting my bride-to-be up in Vermont, and while there I’d go into the local prison with her parents for a church service. They had a very different approach to ministry that led to a rather different kind of car ride home from the meeting.

I’ve learned a lot from them about how to prepare for ministry. While there still may be occasions when I need to consult a commentary or prepare something, the most important preparation comes when I pray and worship the Lord each morning.

I don’t need perfect planning to minister. I don’t need to be perfect. I just need to be present with God.

While praying before going into the prison yesterday, the Lord put Luke 11 on my mind, which is Jesus’ teaching on prayer. I read it for a little while and thought of some stories I could share.

As I drove to the prison that evening, John 16 also came to mind, which is Jesus’ teaching on the Holy Spirit leading us into all truth. I thought that I could teach on John 16 in order to encourage the men to share some testimonies at the beginning, and that Luke 11 would serve as my main text before we moved on to the Alpha lesson about the church.

God wanted to teach us from those passages, but he didn’t need me to do it.

I sat down, introduced myself, and then the Holy Spirit taught us how the church works as one person after another shared what God was teaching him. One guy taught us for about 30 minutes what he’d been learning about prayer, faith, and pleasing God.

I kept my eye on the clock and nodded my head as each guy raised his hand to speak, but otherwise I did nothing. The Holy Spirit taught us our lesson. I saw John 16 unfold right before my eyes.

As if God wanted to drive home the point that he had things under control, the second hour of the meeting focused on how to dialogue with other faiths in the prison and how to respond to insults and anger. I’ve studied a lot about the mission of the church, but it seems that when the Holy Spirit is given room to work, the mission takes care of itself.

The men sang as they stacked the chairs and walked back to their dorms for the evening, smiling and encouraging one another. A lot of ministry happened last night, and I did very little of it. I did one thing: I got out of God’s way and followed his lead.

I drove home last night joyful and encouraged, thankful that ministry does not have to be hard, draining work bearing unknown fruit that we may never see. Perfect preparation doesn’t take place through studies but through God’s Spirit.

Today’s post on perfection is part of Bonnie Gray’s Thursday series. For more posts on perfection, visit Bonnie’s blog and begin with her post: The Top 5 Lies of Perfectionism.

Perhaps I’ve watched a little too much Dr. Who, but I thought I’d close out my posts this week on Christian unity by reaching out with a letter to the most difficult, judgmental Christian I know: myself from 15 years ago.

Dear Ed,

How’s it going? I’m writing you today because I think we have a lot in common, and I thought that perhaps I could offer you a few words of encouragement and wisdom to help you out.

I know you think you’re a pretty devout guy, and I will say that you have some good things going for you. However, I’m also a little concerned about some patterns that you’ve established, and I think you’ll have a much better time in life if you deal with them.

There’s no easy way to say this, but you see, you’re a bit up-tight and judgmental. No, you’re not as bad as the people who judge others for going to a movie theater or for having long hair, but still, you have a pretty narrow definition of Christianity and discipleship.

You’re always comparing yourselves to others, ranking the super-Christians above you and the backsliders below you. You don’t realize that there are guys you’ve placed in the backslider category who will one day become missionaries. Trust me, you won’t see it coming. But then, that’s the point. You don’t know what’s in the heart of the people around you, so stop trying to pick apart their theology or judge them based on what they did or didn’t do. Knowing what I know about you, there’s some plank extraction that needs to happen in your own life.

And then there’s this business with the Catholics. I know the Catholic church burned you. I know there were priests who told you the Bible was dangerous and who used intimidation and manipulation to press their views on you. However, they’re part of a much larger church that has many faithful followers of Jesus. Even one of your college roommates will one day convert to Catholicism and end up working in a classified position for the government—you’re on a need to know basis about the details, and you don’t need to know.

There are certain things I know you’re suspicious about, and though you don’t think you could be right, you actually are. Take evangelism for instance. In your heart you know that you shouldn’t befriend people with ulterior motives or treat the Gospel like a presentation.

You don’t think that fear of damnation in hell is a good reason to share the Gospel because the message of the Gospel is ultimately Good News, and you want to share it naturally out of the good things that God has done in your life. You’ve gotten a taste of this, and you’re willing to keep searching for answers. Keep seeking, because finding those answers will change your life.

You’re also taking time to pray because you want to meet God in a deep way. It’s going to be a long, frustrating haul, but hang in there. You will find more of God and his Holy Spirit some day. Though you have a lot of doubts about the Holy Spirit right now and you’d probably call me off base if I told you everything I have experienced and subsequently believe, patiently wait for God and you will see his salvation manifested in your daily life in new ways.

There are a lot of surprises waiting for you. You’ll find out that the church will let you down, that secular music isn’t evil, and that women really can teach men. Your worries over the rapture and evolution will pass away, and you’ll end up in a career that you won’t see coming but you should have seen all along.

And one more thing. I know it’s going to take a lot of faith to believe this, but trust me, I would never be so cruel as to dash your hopes with something like this… The Phillies will win the World Series before your 30th birthday. Perhaps that leaves you suspicious of my credibility, but it really will happen.

I wish I could say that same for the Flyers, but as of 2011, no dice.

Blessings,

Ed

For more posts on Christian unity, drop by the blog of Rachel Held Evans for the latest round up and don’t forget that part of the goal for the Restore Unity Rally is to provide clean drinking water for people who don’t have it.

There are certain things I can’t blog about.

I just can’t drag certain relationships and events from my life into a blog post because it’s the worst place to deal with complex events from my past that involve mistakes on both sides. In addition, I can’t bear the thought of even one comment “troll” dropping by with an insensitive remark about the events that took place during the most painful time of my life.

So I’ll keep it brief, unspecific and to the point.

There was a time in my life where decisions about my faith alienated me from certain members of my family.

It was terrible.

However, during that season of my life, God brought a spiritual family beside me to offer guidance and prayer while I sorted things out and healed my relationships with family. This wasn’t about replacing anyone. Rather, I saw this as God’s provision at a key point in my life.

Jesus promised us in Mark 10:29-30, “Truly I tell you… no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life.”

At a time when my following God’s lead created divisions with my family, I received sisters, fathers, mothers, brothers, and homes among God’s people to support me at that critical time. While I attended church and met with fellow Christians, I didn’t go out looking for this kind of help.

In retrospect, all I can say is these people showed up when I needed them most.

I don’t know how that works. I can’t explain it. But I do know that God made sure I had the support I needed in the midst of my pain, uncertainty, and healing.

I can also say that God brought healing to me and my family eventually. However, during that difficult season with my family, I experienced a different kind of love and support that I can only explain as God’s provision in keeping with the promise of Jesus.

This post is part of the Thursday Jam at Faith Barista.

I was reading this morning about Peter praying on the roof of Simon the tanner’s home, his vision about not calling anything unclean that has been declared clean by God, and his subsequent visit to Cornelius, the Roman Centurion. That story always reminds me that Christianity could have remained a religion exclusively for Jews and Jewish converts.

The leader of the early church certainly didn’t think it was his job to preach to the Gentiles.

It took a firm shove by God to send him to them.

The mission to the Gentiles was one of the most significant developments in the early church, forever changing the fate of many. However, this wasn’t Peter’s idea. That was God’s idea.

This story reminds me of how important it is to pray and to remain open to the ways God wants to lead me. Chances are that I won’t be able to guess what God wants me to do next. I’m sure that dinner with a Roman Centurion wasn’t even on Peter’s list of top ten things he expected or wanted to do tomorrow.

God blindsides us sometimes.

We’ll never be able to predict it, but we can pray, listening to what the Spirit is saying. Sometimes we won’t hear anything, and that’s OK.  But when we’re listening, we’ll be in a position to hear God and to either participate or resist.

I pray that we will be listening for God’s voice today, and that we’ll go where he sends us, even if it’s the last thing we expect.

I learned one important lesson about Christian unity from sailing and snow camping. Obviously, both were two very different occasions.

Sailing and snow camping are two activities that I do not enjoy.

Stick me in a kayak to bob around, and I’ll be happy. Strap some skis to my feet, and I’ll glide along for miles provided there’s a promise of hot tea and chocolate in my backpack. However, once you introduce the variables of gusting winds or freezing temperatures, there’s something that doesn’t quite click for me about sailing and snow camping.

Perhaps it doesn’t help that I was raised in the flat, warm climate of Philadelphia, never setting foot on a sailboat until I started dating my wife. You see, my wife’s family is totally into sailing, and my wife enjoys snow camping with her brothers—snowshoeing into the woods with a tent and sleeping bags strapped onto their backs.

They are rugged New Englanders.

I don’t join them. And unless someone from my wife’s family leaves an unexpected comment on this post, I’m still recognized as part of the family. Our unity as a family is based on something deeper, mysterious, and spiritual than shared activities or our agreements.

Almost nine years ago Julie and I were married, and that is the foundation that everything else flows from. While I still need to work on our marriage and maintain our unity, there is a lot of room for us to disagree on things like putting yourself at the mercy of high winds or making her watch the NHL playoffs with me.

While I don’t think life gets much better than the NHL playoffs (I mean, did you see the Caps/Lightning game last night?), Christian unity is pretty awesome. Here are a few thoughts about unity for the Rally to Restore Unity hosted by Rachel Held Evans this week:

We Don’t Have to Do Everything Together

Christians don’t have to read all of the same books and blogs. We don’t have to listen to the same preachers, sign the same statements, or go to the same conferences. We don’t have to swim in the same streams of tradition. Our unity is not based on doing all of the same things together.

We all have been given something from God. Some have moved from Catholicism to evangelicalism, while others have done the opposite. While there should be a family resemblance and some common points of unity in the work of the Spirit among us, there’s nothing wrong with Christians from different perspectives working parallel to one another.

Personal Unity Means More Than Unity on Paper

I’ve studied quite a bit of theology, and I’m less and less impressed these days with common doctrinal statements about what makes someone an evangelical, or whatever. I think truly useful unity is what we experience with the people we actually know, not what we can write up, post online, and then leave a comment on.

Commenting online is an inferior form of unity.

When I get together with my Reformed or Catholic friends and pray with them, I’m experiencing real unity that is far more powerful and meaningful than anything online or on paper. For people who serve an incarnate God, meaningful unity is also incarnate.

Whether or not someone signs a document doesn’t do much for unity. When we can pray for one another, share the Gospel with a  united front, and encourage one another to draw near to Jesus, we are practicing true Christian unity that trumps statements made by national leaders or people who seem important.

Unity Requires Faith

I don’t know why there are so many different branches of Christianity or why God shows up to certain people in certain ways, but that’s what requires faith. I was chatting one day with a guy who used to be Arminian who felt that the Bible finally made sense from the Reformed perspective of Calvinism.

I had the exact opposite experience.

We both need faith to trust that God is working in each us, revealing himself in ways that communicate with each person. There is a huge uncertainty gap, and perhaps we may sometimes find it unsettling that our theological views didn’t work for someone else. All I can say is that I trust where God has led me, and I trust that God will lead others as they require.

Unity Commits to a Larger Shared Purpose

What I like about the Rally to Restore Unity is that we’re not just sitting around trying to agree on “how” to be united. We’re stepping back from our bickering with a bit of humor and committing to raise $5,000 that will fund clean water for a community. Everyone needs water and God wants no one to die from a lack of clean water, and I think we can all agree on that.

Let’s all chip in to make this Kingdom work happen!

Make sure you swing by Rachel’s blog today for links to other posts and some hilarious pictures. Also check out the Twitter hashtag: #restoreunity.

I crave spiritual breakthroughs. Sometimes they arrive unannounced and pounce on me like a rabbit on a carrot. Other times I wait and beg God for them like a rabbit standing up on its hind legs in the kitchen while I make a fruit salad.

Either way, rabbits like their treats, and I crave spiritual food.

Thankfully God gives us what we desire, even if it’s sometimes in a form we don’t expect or at a time that doesn’t fit our schedules.

While the taste of God’s goodness is still in my mouth, the attack comes.

I prefer to think of Satan as more of a pest, a bug that annoys me with temptation and negative thoughts. However, his ambitions go far beyond that of a bug—he wants to destroy us.

This means that every time I have a spiritual breakthrough and experience the joy of God, the freedom of God, or the knowledge of God, I can expect serious temptation, discouragement, and even disruptions to my life. Exhaustion, conflict, and stress can press in, taking away the joy of God’s provision.

Seeking first God’s Kingdom is a life and death struggle. Thankfully God wants us to succeed. I have found him accessible and caring for me when discouragement hits after a breakthrough. After all, God wants us to grow into maturity.

Even if I fell into sin immediately after a breakthrough, I have found God more than willing to accept my repentance and to pick up where we left off. Unlike a person who may want to justify himself by judging us or proving us wrong, God’s love compels us to keep moving forward after we’ve stumbled, when we’re discouraged, or when we’re attacked.

He has overcome the world, and he’ll continue to overcome it today.

For more posts on faith: The Art of Attraction: The Joy of Asking

I don’t usually write about my ministry too often on this blog because I don’t think people around me should worry, “What is he going to say about me?” However, this week I need to share something because it’s such an important lesson that I should have learned by now and still relearn in new situations.

I serve on a team at my church where the pastor and I meet twice a month to sort out what needs to be done. We both accomplish what we can in brief bursts, and then I spend the rest of our time thinking about what else we should have accomplished. Some weeks are easier than others, but lately I’ve had a hard time keeping up.

Enter new team members…

As part of a rebuilding process at our church, we’ve had a number of teams forming to seek God’s lead going forward, and our little team of two is now a team of six. As we talked about what needs to happen at our church, it became clear that each person present could help sort out a critical part of the puzzle.

It was as if someone listed everything that I needed to figure out and provided someone to work on it. Over the past few weeks I’ve been receiving e-mails that both solve existing problems and anticipate what needs to happen in the future.

It’s a relief to serve with one another and to see that God can handle our challenges. In retrospect I can see that my faith has been small for my ministry. I just felt bad I wasn’t doing more without asking God to send the right people to help.

Thankfully God took care of that, and I’m grateful to find a new place of rest where I can trust in the support that others bring to our ministry.

For more thoughts on rest, check out Bonnie Gray’s post on Emotional Rest.

When someone close to you offends you or causes damage to your relationship, offering that person forgiveness in person may not always be possible. Perhaps this person becomes abusive whenever you are together. Perhaps this person doesn’t believe that he/she has offended you in any way.

While we should certainly try to reach reconciliation with those who have hurt us, sometimes verbally forgiving someone is not an option.

I hit this point in one particular situation, and I wasn’t quite sure how to proceed. Was I stuck with my bitterness?

I knew that offering forgiveness to someone who couldn’t understand the impact of his/her actions would only make matters worse. How in the world could I take a redemptive, constructive step forward?

Rising Above the Offense

My wife usually suggests that I deal with anger or an offense by praying for the offender. It forces me to see that person’s perspective and to, more importantly, stop looking at myself. Once I break the cycle of nursing my wound and replaying the offense, I can take constructive steps forward.

“Unforgiveness” can lead to stress, anger, and set us on edge in our other relationships. The sooner we can break away from our internal dialogues and commune with God, the sooner we’ll be healed. Only God can heal our wounds, though an apology from the offender would certainly help.

Forgiveness without Words

Even if we can’t verbally forgive someone, we can still step away from the offense and count that person as forgiven, not owing us anything. It’s hard to forgive someone without hearing an apology first. It’s not the most satisfying path forward.

However, if our only alternative is holding on to the offense, letting it eat away at us, and giving our offender power over us, we’ll only find ourselves stuck. Forgiveness does not need to be a conversation in order to be powerful.

Forgiveness While Dying

I’m reminded of Jesus forgiving the Roman soldiers as they crucified him and the Jewish leaders as they hurled insults at him. I get worked up enough if someone leaves an angry comment on my blog—enough said.

They were not ready to apologize.

And yet, Jesus used one of his dying breaths to plead with God for them. He could see their ignorance, and though none of us could blame him for spending his time asking God to stop his heart to end the pain, he was still concerned for them.

Jesus modeled radical forgiveness. It wasn’t satisfying. There was no reconciliation. Nevertheless, Jesus refused to let sin and death win. The love of God was stronger, even at that moment when all seemed lost.

Jesus would rise from the dead, but even in his moment of greatest “weakness” and vulnerability, he displayed God’s power and love in a way that few could understand or appreciate at the time.

Thursday Faith Jam: For more insights and stories about forgiveness, check out Bonnie Gray’s post, “Forgiveness Doesn’t Come from Vending Machines.”

Over the past two days I’ve focused on the ways that Jesus came to save us from sin and death, but that really only tells part of the story that began on Christmas. The concept of the incarnation is essential for not only understanding our salvation, but the entire scope of Jesus’ work.

Jesus didn’t just preach a bit, die, and rise from the dead.

Jesus healed illnesses, provided fish, and met a number of everyday needs. We see God implanting himself in the everyday moments of our lives, and not just the mountaintop moments of salvation.

Think about this. Jesus didn’t just multiply fish as a clever trick to impress people. There were thousands of hungry people around him. On another occasion he filled the nets of his disciples.

We have lessons here about God’s concern for our everyday needs and his involvement in our daily struggles. For those who commit themselves to him and his Kingdom, Jesus demonstrates his ability to provide.

Jesus wants your today to be better. He’s not holding back all of his good things for heaven. That doesn’t mean we’ll be wealthy and free from trouble. It does mean that he will meet us in our daily struggles and walk with us.

As we celebrate the birth of Jesus, we have an assurance that God is here among us today. He cares about your job search, your family’s conflict, the stress you feel, and the lack of certainty you have about the future.

God is here in your now.