:: in.a.mirror.dimly :: A theology and culture blog with the Bible in one tab and a news feed in the other.

Theology should permeate every aspect of our daily lives. Sports are no exception to this.

Ever mindful of the importance of being relevant and connecting theology with our culture, I have decided to adapt a special edition of Coffeehouse Theology to address the beliefs of baseball fans. I’m calling it Coffeehouse Phillieology.

It’s a bold, fresh, contextually sensitive look at whether or not rally caps are effective, whether beards help players hit better, and even digs into the lucky glove and lucky shorts superstitions. We’ll look at the curses afflicting certain baseball towns and whether or not God really does have it out for certain fans and teams. Particular attention will be paid to Philadelphia and its quarter-century championship drought. 

Issues such as pitching inside or brushing back batters and the morality of certain sliding techniques are explored from a strictly biblical perspective. The nature of truth as related to the strike zone will be addressed specifically. Readers will learn if there really are such things as balls and strikes.

By the time you’re done reading Coffeehouse Phillieology, you’ll have a clear picture of the triune God’s place in the baseball diamond and the Biblical perspective connected to everyday issues players face in the batters box, on the field, and in the dug out.

And if this sounds too good to be true, too delicious a pun to pass up, you are absolutely right.

Another fine piece of gibberish from the author of Coffeehouse Theology…

What could be more important than truth?

Without truth, our words are meaningless. Relationships would crumble. Criminals would run free without witnesses to testify. Poker games would grind to a halt since everyone’s bluffing. Injuries would sky rocket with everyone taking the dare. Tom Cruise wouldn’t know what he wanted and Jack Nicholson wouldn’t know what Tom Cruise can’t handle.

Language, people, games, movies, and society itself rely on truth. Logically, it is no less the case with religion.

Christianity relies on truth in order to survive. The word “truth” comes up 228 times in the Bible, making this very concept a pillar to Biblical revelation. Without truth we wouldn’t know what to believe in. Without “truth” 228 verses would cease to make any sense.

And yet truth is very much cast in doubt in today’s world. Some people say that you can’t be 100% certain about truth. In response to these concerns, the Total Truth Index has been established to track the progress of truth in our world. It has been a rough time of late with Colbert’s introduction of “truthiness” to our vocabulary, to say nothing of his allegation that reality has a liberal slant. In many quarters, truth has been on the retreat, and the Total Truth Index has been on the decline.

In a world with a truth shortage, leading theological thinkers have been working on a truth stimulus package, but so far have only met with meager gains. Recently, a relatively unknown theologian named Ed Cyzewski has offered a book that may in fact turn our truth crisis around: Coffeehouse Theology. In fact, recent studies have proven that since Coffeehouse Theology’s release on September 15^th, 2008, the Total Truth Index has skyrocketed to a 736 rating. This is a leap from its previous stagnation at 672, a number perilously close to 666 and the cause of much doom-saying.

Analysts are divided in their opinions on just how Coffeehouse Theology has managed to create more truth in the world. Some say it’s rooted in truth speculation in Europe, causing an inflation of American truth-backed securities. The inflationists believe the bubble will burst sometime after Christmas and the market will level out.

However, there are many theology bloggers claiming that the emphasis in Coffeehouse Theology on listening to other theological perspectives, especially in the historic and global churches has generated genuinely new truth shares. This sudden influx of truth shares, according to the perspectivists, is a righting of the truth market to where it should have been all along. Most assert the TTI will never reach the perfect 777 mark, but they believe the gains made by Coffeehouse Theology will hold for the time being.

Ed Cyzewski, the author of Coffeehouse Theology, states, “The only way we can guarantee the steady rise of the TTI index away from its complete meltdown is if consumers act without delay and purchase Coffeehouse Theology no later than this Friday.”

GIBBERISH ALERT: Dear reader, any time you spy the “gibberish” label on a blog post here, be forewarned that it’s just something I made up. It’s not true. There is not Total Truth Index, which means buying Coffeehouse Theology will in no way assist in shoring it up. I’ve warned you. Now go buy yourself the book!!!

GIBBERISH ALERT: From time to time I’ll be posting anecdotes that will be pure gibberish. There is no truth value whatsoever (which some conservative critics may say about my book!!!). I’m just having some fun with the release of Coffeehouse Theology (Sept 15th by the way). I hope you enjoy my first round of book-related gibberish.

Are you troubled by our consumer society? Do you simply buy items to make yourself feel better? Is your spending out of control? Do you make foolish purchases on impulse?

If any of these descriptions fit you, then you need to rush over to Amazon.com right now and place your order for Coffeehouse Theology!

Coffeehouse Theology has a proven Biblical method for counteracting the negative effects of our consumer society. But it won’t help you unless you buy it right now and read about the importance of sound contextual theology.

If you’re feeling down about your out-of-control spending, then the best solution is found in purchasing Coffeehouse Theology. Simply looking at the cover will put a smile on your face. What doodling! What cleverness! Why, even the spine is attractive!

And you can’t judge this book by it’s cover. Once you open it up you’ll find a virtual smorgasbord of ideas about contextual theology that will make you feel guilty about your compromise with today’s consumer culture and move you back onto the straight and narrow toward God.

And if that doesn’t cheer you up, you can always purchase the Bible Study Guide and the Contemporary Issues Study Guide. Both will increase your contextual theology aptitude and rid you of those nasty consumer habits once and for all.

Remember, you won’t start to feel better until you purchase my book Coffeehouse Theology. You’d best do it today if you want to beat consumerism once and for all.

About a month ago I reviewed Matthew Paul Turner’s book The Hokey Pokey: Curious People Finding What Life’s All About. I wasn’t a fan of the title or cover, but the book is an entertaining and insightful read. Shortly after that I looked up his blog.

If you like Purgatorio, then you need to swing by his blog Jesus Needs New PR. It’s a fantastic collection of Christian oddities, reflections on Christian sub-culture, and thought-provoking posts. I especially enjoyed his post on “Jesus Hates.” The image of White Republican Jesus is worth the trip over.

Turner is churning out books and has a nice narrative style. I think you’ll find his blog is a fun read and well worth adding to your blog reader or bookmarks.

I was getting kind of nervous that a Boston team hadn’t won a champsionship for like… oh, eight months. I mean those poor Patriots lost to the lowly Giants. How would Boston ever get over it?

The Bruins? No, they only made it into the play offs. Poor guys. They didn’t even make it to the conference finals.

No, it’s the Celtics who brought a championship to this poor town deprived of a winning team for lo these 8 months. Maybe they can make until October when the Red Sox win ANOTHER World Series.

Oh, I’m not bitter. Us Philadelphians don’t NEED a winning sports teams. We’ve given up all hope for that.

Sports are stupid. Just an excuse to put off mowing the lawn or taking out the garbage so we can drink beer and eat greasy food. I’m above all of this sports championship business really. Why if Philadelphia’s, oh I don’t know, hockey team made it to the conference finals I probably wouldn’t follow every detail on espn.com like I did this Spring… I mean, I wouldn’t do it again…

Can anyone figure out a way to curse the Red Sox again?

I’m getting sick of the Google ads on my side bar. I won’t mention what they’re about, lest I encourage them. We’ll just say one of the words in this blog’s title leads to ads for a product you typically find in your bathroom, closet, and bed room. So I’ve tagged on “Theology and Culture” in a half-hearted attempt to train Google to stick with my main subject matter.

Of course I have also blogged about Hillary, and of course an ad for “Hillary Clinton soda” has been popping up. Ack! How stupid. Who would click on such an ad? OK, maybe the curious, but I can’t imagine Hillary Clinton soda. What does it do anyway? What makes it different? Does it taste sweet at first and then turn bitter in your mouth? Does it only appeal to older women and blue collar voters? Does it stand by you even if you’re trying all of the other sodas on the market?

All that to say, if the top of my blog looks a little crammed right now, I’m just working on a little experiment. We’ll see if it works. I’m open suggestions from the designers who may know of a better way to train Google to get ads up there with a slight bit of relevance.

As if this Democratic primary season isn’t weird enough, Hillary Clinton’s latest ad makes the strangest of all statements. Essentially, she tells Obama to get out of the kitchen and to leave it up to her.

With an all-star fear-mongering cast that includes Osama–not to be confused with Obama–bin Ladin, Clinton pulls all of the boogie men from under the bed, waves them in our faces, and then offers her assessment that Obama can’t take the heat. The commercial ends with a tribute to perhaps one of the greatest Democrats of all time, “Harry Truman said it best –- if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.”

To be quite frank, I’m quite relieved by this.

If Barack has been kicked out of the kitchen, perhaps Hillary has finally realized that politics just isn’t her thing and that she’d like to take a whirl at being a homemaker. With Barack out of the race to see who gets control of the kitchen, he is now free to campaign for president of the United States.

Phew, I’m glad that’s all settled now. And we thought this primary was going to drag out all summer and Howard Dean was going to have to scream or something! No, it was really control of the kitchen that got everyone so worked up. I suppose the folks in Pennsylvania planning on voting for Hillary can just stay home and not bother voting. I heard a rumor that she’s teaming up with Rachel Ray for a special episode… but wait, wasn’t Obama interviewed by her today? Oh, that Barack, always meddling in the kitchen! When will he ever learn!

Now Barack, listen to Hillary and leave the heat of the kitchen to her. You have a campaign to run!

We’re moving at the end of April to little house on the Western edge of Arlington, VT. It’s in a nice little place with a few neighbors dotted about, a river nearby, and the former home of Norman Rockwell two miles down the quiet dirt road. We have plans to tear up the gray carpet in favor of laminate and will certainly take down the funky paneling in favor of paint, using colors that I have appropriately obsessed about for two months now. Will Robert Carter Plum work in the office by the way???

With the exception of finding out the home had been swept away in a flood, I am trying to think of something else that would be as devastating as the news I received yesterday about our new home. Perhaps rodent infestation would be worse, but it’s close. Anyway, I found out that Verizon’s DSL is not available that far out of town.

My heart sank when I heard the news. I didn’t talk too much about it with Julie because this only verifies (in my little suburban mind that is) what I’ve been saying all along and what she disagrees with consistently: we are moving into the middle of no where.

That’s technically not true. We have neighbors. The town has a name. There’s a store three miles down the road. But for me the availability of high speed internet is no longer a nice perk. It’s a birth right. I must have it. And now I’m bitter at the state of Vermont for dragging its feet over high speed internet. 2010 is too long to wait. I feel like I’m on the brink of entering the stone age again.

My salvation took the form of Comcast. Though I despise the term “Comcastic,” my need for high speed internet trumped any other uneasiness about lousy marketing campaigns. I called Comcast, assuring them that cables were sticking out of the walls all over the place. Then the second bomb dropped, doing far greater destruction:

“That may not be a serviceable location for high speed internet,” the Comcast lady said.

“But, there are cables, many of them, at the house,” I replied.

“I’ll have to look into this. I’ll call you back.”

And now I wait by the phone, praying to God and the Comcast lady to make our new home serviceable for high speed internet even if it’s overpriced and poorly marketed.

I’ll do it. I’ll do anything. Just don’t condemn me to dial up.

I had to beg God for mercy on Tuesday, yesterday, and once again today.

Why?

My little Lenten practice is walking every day. While the focus of the walk is prayer, the main motivation for starting it is removing myself from the computer and other distractions that keep me busy and out of touch with God and myself.

But who wants to walk a mile when it’s -10 F degrees outside? Not me pal.

With my warmest gloves on my fingers started to go numb after a minute. My forehead ached from the gusty wind. My feet became noticeably chilly.

Yesterday I took a short walk around Manchester during my lunch break because the temperature soared up into the teens and possibly higher, but not on Tuesday. I just huddled up in a cafe and thought about walking for Lent, and asked for mercy.

If there was ever a time that I’m glad we don’t live in northern Vermont, it’s now. Stupid me, picking an outdoor activity for Lent in the final days of winter.

Technorati Tags: Lent - Vermont

If a child doesn’t like how the game is being played, it is common knowledge that said child will start a new game elsewhere with more suitable rules. That’s how things are done on the playground–and on the internet as well.

You’d think these people would know how ridiculous, how closed off from the world, and how silly they look. But no, somebody had a bright idea and had to, just had to see it through to its painful end no matter how many people laughed. A story of courage, fortitude, and conquest fighting for what’s right amidst seas of crashing criticism. Don’t stop for anything, press on to the goal, and fight the good fight!

This is not one of those instances.

The folks over at Wired News and bloggers all over the internet are laughing, snorting, and yea chortling at the latest stroke of brilliance to afflict our world from the right wing: CONSERVAPEDIA. Dang, that looks good. Maybe I’ll give that its own line and some bold font for kicks.

CONSERVAPEDIA

I’m afraid that I cannot summon the proper words to describe this little gem. I’ll let Conservapedia stammer for itself:

“A conservative encyclopedia you can trust.

Conservapedia has over 3,800 educational, clean and concise entries on historical, scientific, legal, and economic topics, as well as more than 350 lectures and term lists. There have been over 857,000 page views and over 16,300 page edits. Already Conservapedia has become one of the largest user-controlled free encyclopedias on the internet. This site is growing rapidly.

Conservapedia is a much-needed alternative to Wikipedia, which is increasingly anti-Christian and anti-American. On Wikipedia, many of the dates are provided in the anti-Christian “C.E.” instead of “A.D.”, which Conservapedia uses. Christianity receives no credit for the great advances and discoveries it inspired, such as those of the Renaissance. Read a list of many Examples of Bias in Wikipedia.

Conservapedia is an online resource and meeting place where we favor Christianity and America. Conservapedia has easy-to-use indexes to facilitate review of topics. You will much prefer using Conservapedia compared to Wikipedia if you want concise answers free of “political correctness”. “

Now that is priceless. It’s Christian AND American! Can I get an Amen on that brothahs and sistahs? It has everything you could want: it uses A.D. for dates and snubs that truth-demeaning liberal invention known as political correctness. Oh, and the entry rules are called “Commandments.” Unfortunately there are only six, a number that is clearly NOT biblical when speaking of commandments.

Ah, you can’t make this stuff up. The best part is that people are leaving entries with satire so subtle that the editors sometimes can’t figure out what’s sincere. I could go on, but it feels unsportsmanlike to shoot something already writhing on the ground.

Technorati Tags: conservapedia - wikipedia - wired+news

Is your church becoming too crowded? Are you unable to find enough seats for your family?

John O’Keefe over at ginkworld visited a church that solved the unwanted visitor problem in a “creative” way. (HT Jordon Cooper)

Technorati Tags: church - visitors

After two years of serving Vermonters by blogging regularly on its political scene, Politics Vermont is packing it up. It was a great blog that I enjoyed checking.

This is a good little lesson in knowing when to stop a good thing. It’s tempting to hold onto something long past its time. There is a lot to be said for ending before you become too burned out and unable to keep up.

Marc did the same at Purgatorio, which he said has become “Purgasnorio.” Anticipating this move, I had already moved his blog from my “addiction” list. JR Briggs took his place.

Purgatorio was one of those great ideas for a blog that is really, really hard to maintain, especially if you have a family and two jobs. It was fun while it lasted.

One last note by the way . . .
Note the huge breaks in between paragraphs? That’s one of the disadvantages of using Ecto with Nucleus. I’ll have to see if I can fix that.

politics, vermont

Another holiday means another time to reflect on driving in New Jersey, THE **cough, cough** GARDEN STATE. While driving just about the length of this densely populated state, I had a few thoughts.

1. Can we find a new slogan for NJ??? There are not all that many farms. What if they took the vanity plate that says, “Shore to Please” and made that the slogan? That’s at least a touch more accurate, and the shore is what people typically associate with NJ (that is in a positive sense).

Of course we could play with Garden State too. “Former Garden State,” “Garden State . . . NOT,” and so forth, but I prefer a new slogan. This doesn’t have to be a loss either. This could be win win.

Sure the farms and gardens are covered in concrete, cement, and asphalt, but NJ now has a chance to reinvent itself so to speak. Find a new niche and made a big public relations thing out of it.

2. Defensive driving brings its own punishment, aggressive driving brings its own rewards. For some reason it’s just much easier and enjoyable to drive aggressively in NJ. A safe following distance only means that people will cut in front of you and put you in just as much danger if not more if you were close to the car in front of you.

So after numerous cars swiftly buzzed in front of me and led to a slamming of the brakes, I decided to harden my heart. Screw ‘em. I didn’t let anyone in front of me. If they sped up along my side, I boxed them in by equaling their speed. And somehow, I felt nicer and more at peace. Ah the paradox of driving in NJ.

And that’s really about it. We didn’t drive too much in NJ this trip and rarely ever left the main road. Phew.

I found this blog post about the threat to Santa Claus posed by Google Earth. It’s not going to be a jolly year for the big man.

It looks like technology has finally caught up with us. Children have more resources than their parents and are now able test anything they deem suspicious.

A group of friends sit in a living room chatting about the roles of husbands and wives. One uses the words submit, obey, and serve one too many times in reference to women, and eventually blunders into an insensitive statement.

Members of the group are offended. They react strongly and challenge his statement. The offender realizes what has happened and attempts to clarify his statement.

It’s a long, tense evening. Though 3 or 4 are the main participants, all present in the room follow the conversation closely and begin to understand where each side is coming from in the debate. Before they depart, the debate is concluded, the offense has been forgiven, and everyone finds something else to talk about.

That’s how most dialogues and debates go when conducted in person. The same does not go for blogs. Rose pointed this out after her recent meeting with Mark Driscoll.

Online “dialogues” quickly become heated and divisive in the following pattern:

Issue A

Insensitive remark 1. about issue A

Question about Issue A, ignores remark 1.

Angry response to insensitive remark 1.

Calm response to insensitive remark 1.

Insensitive remark 2. to maker of insensitive remark 1.

Mediating remark between insensitive remarks 1. and 2.

Angry remark about Issue A that brings up Issue B as well

Another angry reponse to insensitive remark 1.

Calm remark about Issue A

Insensitive remark 3. addressed at Issue B

Insensitive remark 4. addressed at maker of insensitive remark 3.

Makers of insensitive remarks 3. and 4. spar back and forth about Issue B, completely forgetting that this all started with Issue A.

That was actually an abbreviated form of what typically happens every day on the high-traffic blogs. Let’s face it, blogs are a great way to share information and they sometimes work for collaboration, but they simply do not work for large-scale, constructive dialogue about sensitive issues.

Think about this: Many long-distance relationships fail because letters and e-mails can be misinterpreted (my wife and I dated long distance the whole time and we made it though!!!). How can we expect to succeed in constructive communication when we hardly know all of the various people tossing comments into the pot, reacting, counterreacting, and introducing other topics.

I’m not saying that it cannot work. It has in the past. In the comment section of one person’s blog I had a conversation where I challenged the author on something, gently though, and I believe that God used me to save him from sin. That’s the exception.

It’s not to say we shouldn’t try. I’m more interested in lowering our expectations and calling all blog commenters on high-traffic sites to think twice before leaving comments. I never have those problems here, IMD’s readers are the best, but it gets to be a bit much on other sites that I frequent.

Let’s remember that love is our supreme goal. If our words do not bring about love for God and one another, we’d best stick our hands in our pockets and go for a walk.

Now I dare you to leave an angry comment below that completely misinterprets everything I just said . . . I LEAVE COMMENTS ALL OF THE TIME ON BLOGS YOU MORON AND NO ONE EVER GETS ANGRY!!!!