:: in.a.mirror.dimly ::

This series of posts on sharing your faith continues my series of posts on Christian Survival…

Some days you fear that you’re sending everyone you know who isn’t a Christian to hell. Well, not exactly. You’re just afraid to share the Gospel with them, which you’ve heard is just about the same thing as opening the gates of hell for them and giving them a kick on their way down.

Images of blood-stained hands fill your mind whenever you think of the unevangelized around you. Lady Macbeth has nothing on you. No matter how often you say, “Out darn spot!” you move between guilt and fear because you can’t think of a way to share the Gospel with these people who supposedly are your friends, colleagues, and family.

You tell yourself that if you truly, truly cared for them, then you’d evangelize them by starting some kind of conversation about purpose and meaning in life, tie it to a time when you feared God would banish you to hell, wrap things up with a whirl through Romans and a slam dunk salvation prayer.

You’ve been told that real Christians share their faith, but you’re terrified. I’ve had anxiety attacks about evangelism… while shopping… at Wal-Mart. I mean, we could make ourselves insane with evangelism. If every person is an eternal soul who could end up in hell, shouldn’t we walk from person to person every minute of every day asking them if they know Jesus?

For the more introverted in the church, the majority of our evangelism training is a one-way ticket to a panic attack.

Perhaps that sounds silly or overdramatic to you, but if we follow some of our evangelism and salvation teaching to its natural conclusion, we have a recipe for nervous, pushy, and awkward Christians who either try to share their faith in strange ways or cower in fear.

Oh, and by the way, that’s sort of what we have a lot of, so perhaps we should talk about this.

And if there really is so much at stake, an eternity of torment, then shouldn’t we make evangelism our top priority?

What is a faithful follower of Jesus to do? We are commanded to be witnesses, but how should we do it and how frequently? Can faithful Christians neglect this charge to make disciples? Should we worry about the destiny of those around us and the blood on our hands or can we just rationalize these things away?

Right… these are weighty questions.

We’ll spend the rest of this week asking hard questions about hell, salvation, and evangelism survival strategies.

We moved to Connecticut about a year ago, and a big part of that move involved letting go of things: our lifestyle in the country (including a garden), our professional networks, our home, our few friends, proximity to family,  and the list goes on. Toss in the stress of selling our home and moving, and there were times when we felt crushed by the pressure.

Letting go feels terrible sometimes, even if we know that we’re following God’s lead into something else. That’s because we have a period of time when we’re empty, holding nothing. That is, we’re stripped of the many things we value.

When we move and let go of things, we have an opportunity to root ourselves in our unmovable and unshakable God.

Last year I had sleepless nights as rejection letters replaced my regular pay check and our house sat two months longer than we would have liked. We had to start over professionally and personally from scratch in a new place.

In the midst of that emptiness and brokenness, God showed up in new ways that I still cling to in dry times.

And then he began to fill us up again with new things we like to do, new friends, and new opportunities. Between the growth and the new blessings that came, I realized that letting go wasn’t all that bad after all, even if it was tough at the time.

It’s not like we had a carbon copy of our old life after we moved, but once we let go of one set of things, we found both a deeper connection with God and new things to love. The trick is to remain dependent upon and full of God as we embrace these new things.

It’s also important to remember God’s provision for us so that we’ll be ready to move when he calls us to something else.

The other day I dug into the ways that Christians misuse the Gospel for political and national goals. It was a tough post to write because I don’t want to be the angry truth police guy. I also don’t want anyone to think that Christianity is hopeless.

It’s easy to pick on the things that are negative rather than highlighting what’s in good working order. The latter stories are not as exciting to write or read. However, I felt that an issue like that needs to be exposed because it can subtly undermine the Gospel.

It’s ironic because while at a Christian writer’s conference last week I kept a running list of silly things Christians say/believe and reasons for hope. I had a hunch that the good news would outweigh the bad. They did. While I hit upon one really discouraging note the other day, I still have many reasons to believe that God can use his people to do a lot of good based on what I saw and heard at the conference.

So here are some significant reasons why Christians have hope…

There was an emphasis on suffering…

No one shared a prosperity Gospel. One speaker said, “Some of you have not suffered enough to write and minister as effectively as you one day will.” That is a powerful statement that hits upon the results of joining Christ in the fellowship of his suffering.

There was a diverse crowd…

This was a fairly diverse conference both ethnically and theologically. While some of the political junk got in the way at times, I was encouraged to see a diverse group of Christians working, worshipping, and hanging out together.

There was an emphasis on mission…

The Christians at this conference were actively seeking to share the Gospel with others. Time and time again I was challenged to go deeper in my walk with the Lord and to use my gifts for his work. That was probably more significant for me than the excellent writing workshops I attended.

There was an emphasis on solid research and writing…

The workshops I attended shared valuable advice on how to write good articles and books without resorting to unfair arguments, bad facts, and other emotional tricks. The workshop leader, who struck me as rather conservative politically, shared the ways he writes charitably about the political left and the nuances he found in the midst of his research.

There is an openness to the Holy Spirit…

If the people of God remain open to the leading of his Spirit, then we have the greatest reason for hope provided his people continue to let him lead.

While we find plenty of things to avoid or disavow, there are some great reasons to have hope in what God can do among and through his people.

What signs of life and hope have you seen in the past few weeks?

The Destination is Not Up to Us…

When I moved from college to seminary, I had a picture in my head of what I would be like as a mature Christian. Since most of my money was paying for a seminary education, you’d better believe I thought a vast biblical knowledge would be a key part of that.

My experience is that God often has something else in mind from what we imagine. In fact, it’s hard for us to predict what God’s destination will be for us.

I think seminary was a really important part of my growth, but it wasn’t the decisive factor I thought it would be. So far as I can tell, the most significant moments of my Christian growth have always been tied directly to learning how to pray or meet with God.

My biblical knowledge was important, but these moments of meeting with God drove that truth home.

Life is a careful balancing act of doing what we believe God has called us to do, while remaining flexible to his leading and his new destinations. Perhaps faithfulness is the art of being flexible with the results and clinging to God alone.

Ten years since I entered seminary, I am at a completely different place in life than I would have expected. I have no complaints, but it has been humbling to watch some of my plans and goals crumble. However, in holding to my plans loosely, I’ve learned there is joy to be found in the new places God calls us to.

We should pursue whatever it is that God places on our hearts, but it’s equally important to let go of our chosen destinations if God chooses to send us elsewhere. Life is this constant process of letting go of one thing in order to embrace another only to find that you will soon need to let go of the new thing in order to embrace another.

On and on it goes.

We’ll get beat up and frustrated if we make our lives about the things we’re aiming for rather than God. This is a lesson in the Kingdom. Christ is all and in all, and we have nothing without him.

I used to drive eleven hours from my dad’s house in New Jersey to my college, Taylor University, in Indiana. Eleven hours that I usually drove by myself.

I was kind of nuts. It was all about minimizing stops for gas and the bathroom, while keeping my speed as high as legally possible. I was a blathering mess by the time I arrived, but if I could shave off a few minutes, it was all totally worth it. Really, my friends didn’t know what to do with me after I arrived at Taylor.

While driving I’d also get a Caesar salad and a frosty from Wendy’s. If I was really living it up, I’d snag some chicken nuggets. Don’t ask how I ate my salad.

I’m luck to be alive.

I remember driving across Pennsylvania and despairing. It’s such a long, monotonous state—though not monotonous like Kansas, the bane of cross-country road trips. But on the PA turnpike I was like, “Oh golly, another long hill of a mountain. I’ll bet they’re mining THAT one for coal too.” I would always despair over how long I still had to go in that state which really shouldn’t be allowed to be so wide.

When I’m facing my own issues with disobedience and sin, I’m reminded of my Pennsylvania road trips.

Some days I’m so dang discouraged about how far I still need to go in my Christian faith. In the letter First Corinthians, Paul calls the Corinthians immature, needing to hear about Christ crucified all over again because they suck at obeying God and loving one another.

I don’t know about you, but that all sort of sounds familiar. Am I really just an immature Christian who can’t get the cross and basic obedience down? It’s humbling.

Perhaps it’s more accurate to say that Christians pass through seasons. Sometimes we have struggles and other times we have our mountain peaks. However, the path to maturity surely must run through deepening our intimacy with the Father.

The good news is that God isn’t waiting at our destination, checking his watch, wishing we’d step on it and knock off the chicken nugget pit stop. He’s there in the car with us, wondering why we’re barreling forward at such high speeds instead of pulling over to have a chat with him. That’s where he wants us to start.

I dig a little deeper into the Bible and worry a little more about my prayer life, pressing my foot to the floor as I accelerate myself into a holy fervor. And yet, while God wants me to be obedient, he wants me to obey because my love for him is what drives me.

It’s true that we have very far to go in our quest for holy living and Christian maturity as part of God’s family, but we won’t zoom ahead by trying harder. That is the hardest lesson to learn.

While on vacation with our family last week I gave frequent updates on the past year, and I realized something.

The past year wasn’t the worst. That kind of surprised me. In fact, a lot of great things happened. And then again, I certainly hit my fair share of set backs that cast a shadow over things—hence my surprise.

During this time last year, where did I expect to be in a year’s time? The answer: Well, not quite where I am right now. And now, where do I expect to be next year at this time?

I can live with my lack of progress because life is more than a long to-do list. I need to look at something bigger than my goals.

This isn’t a matter of painting a bulls-eye wherever my arrows land. Rather, I’m talking about the delicate balance of having goals and remembering the larger relational picture of life. Over the past year my daily quality of life has improved and my wife and I have found time to be together in midst of some pretty crazy schedules.

All in all, we’re doing fine, and that is something to be thankful for.

On the Christian end of things, I think I can get caught up in meeting all kinds of goals as well, craving certain spiritual milestones. You know, stuff like being free from a nagging sin, hearing God more clearly, or reading a certain amount of scripture. Christians usually think they don’t pray enough, and we’re usually moving somewhere between the extremes of despairing over our sin or excusing it.

I like the idea of aiming for Christian maturity, and I’ll speak about that more this week, but as far as goals go, I think it’s important to begin any discussion of them from the standpoint of what’s most important.

When I consider my goals as a Christian, I find myself balancing the desire to be more holy or spiritual, but not listing the goal over the relationship with God that will ultimately lead me to that level of holiness or spirituality. In other words, working toward the goals can overshadow the means by which we attain them—namely through intimacy with Christ.

It can be frustrating to struggle with sin or to find that you’re not quite as far along in your Christian walk as you’d like, but we don’t move forward by setting a goal and then working on it without the relationship with Christ in place. I’m learning that the best way forward is not always what seems to be the most direct…

I’m sure someone has written about this, but as I’ve scrambled to get my church’s gardening ministry started over the past few weeks, I’ve often thought of my own idealism and plans in comparison with what I’ve been able to do. In fact, it’s easy to sit back and nit pick myself.

Am I doing enough? Am I doing this right? Is this good enough? Am I making any serious mistakes?

It’s really easy to doubt myself and my plans.

There came a point when I simply needed to jump in to the ministry that I sensed God had placed before me. While I want to do things well and even with excellence, sometimes our ideals can stand in the way of taking action, making some good mistakes, and learning as I move forward.

I have learned that God can provide as we step forward in obedience, even if we don’t have all of the details lined up. However, taking that leap of faith requires letting go of my own idealism that can sometimes become a poor excuse for inaction and it eventually becomes laziness.

The perfect can prevent the possible. While it’s good to aim high, I have learned that sometimes the quest for perfection can become a hindrance.

Sometimes we settle for less than we should. However, when it comes to taking a first step, inaction can bring about its own imperfection that may be worse than taking a less than perfect step forward.

This week I have invested quite a lot of time into launching my church’s new garden ministry which will grow food for local food banks/soup kitchens. We had an unbelievable number of plant donations, but we still lacked one critical component for our garden as of Wednesday: Compost.

Since we are gardening in a community plot, there’s no telling how depleted the soil may be after continuous use. In order for our plants to produce at a decent rate, the soil needed some nutrients.

Though we’d been given some monetary donations, I had hoped to save our funding for future expenses. Therefore, I sought out a business in our area to donate 20 bags of compost.

After missing the guy in charge of donations a few times and experiencing a few delays, I finally met with him on Wednesday, the very day I’d hoped to work the compost into the soil with a fellow volunteer.

It was a very delicate conversation—we need your help, like, really, really soon.

He said they could most likely help us, but he needed to check with his supervisor first thing in the morning.

And so I improvised and worked on a few plants that didn’t require compost as much. It wasn’t how I’d hoped things would go, but we were plenty busy and accomplished much.

It just didn’t fit my schedule.

The following morning I woke up early, picked up the compost that was set aside for me, and raced to the garden in time to meet a few volunteers. We planted most of the garden in our newly fertile soil, but it sure became hot while we were out there.

Looking back on the past week, we turned compost into most of the garden, put all of the donated plants into the ground, and even laid straw as a mulch in some places. Everything we put into the ground was donated and nothing went to waste.

However, the more I look back at my plans for this past week, the more I realize how dramatically they were changed. We had plenty of provision, but it didn’t always come at the times and places that I’d expected. Even the tiller and weed whacker we used on Monday were improvised to a certain degree.

In looking at this garden as a ministry, I can see how God has been providing for us all along. I see it as Kingdom work to feed the poor, even if we’re just starting with our humble little 700 sq. foot plot. And he is caring for our needs.

However, in waiting for God’s provision, I’m learning to remain flexible and to trust that while my timing may be imperfect and subject to change, his timing is always perfect. Getting myself onto his schedule is the hard part.

So, the bookish seminary student takes his leap into ministry, and he learns an important lesson. The kind of lesson he couldn’t have truly learned by just reading the Bible.

You need to go. Ministry requires going. Even going when you don’t have all of the pieces in place.

This does not mean reckless going, but rather, taking steps forward to do what you know needs to happen and trusting in God’s leading and provision.

It’s kind of wild, freeing, and terrifying all at once.

It’s wild because I never would have thought that God could work like this… calling me to take a step in faith so that he could provide what I needed at the last second.

It’s freeing because I don’t have to figure everything out. He has the control. It’s his work.

It’s terrifying because he’ll keep doing things this way, and who knows what he’ll ask me to do next!

Good ideas are such clean and safe things. Though they have their place and are a great starting place, true Christian ministry requires moving beyond good ideas into this realm of action.

Christianity itself stands or falls on whether we put our faith into action.

I often quote a wise administrator from my seminary who once observed, “When seminary students read a book they think they’ve put it into practice.”

Ah, that is spot on for me more often than I care to admit. I’ve done some ministry in my day, but ever since working my way through the safe confines of Christian academia, I have to confess that I would much rather read the book than do the ministry.

I mean, isn’t the book usually better?

Today I took my first headlong plunge into a new ministry that I’m really excited about. I have started a gardening group at my church. We’ll be tending a community garden plot and donating the food to local soup kitchens.

In my mind, this is but a first step among many. The end game is to also empower the poor to grow their own food. However, there will always be a need for soup kitchens in one form or another, especially if our economy continues to plod along. And for the time being, we hope to be handing out food sometime by the end of July.

I spent my morning working with several volunteers weed whacking and tilling our plot in scorching heat.  The owner of the plot had not used it, so the town gave it to us for our work, hence the late, weedy start.

We have some pretty huge work ahead of us, and I would appreciate your prayers for provision as we have two major needs (organic compost and tomato stakes/poles). However, today we got into the dirt and plowed up the soil.

Something has dramatically shifted. I can feel it. This ministry is moving forward, even if it’s a sputtering, jumping tiller at this point. I don’t even feel like I have complete control of it all, as if it has a mind of its own.

And that is exactly where I think God wants us to be right now.