:: In.a.Mirror.Dimly ::

My co-conspirator Derek Cooper is working with me on yet another book project. This time we’re looking at discipleship from an unusual angle.

We all look at the stories of “successful” disciples who managed to count the cost and follow Jesus in an attempt to imitate their good examples. Why don’t we ever look at the unfollowers who thought the cost too high, the teachings of Jesus too confusing, and his plans in conflict with their own desires?

These unfollowers may help us see the barriers that keep us from following Jesus. By placing ourselves in their stories, we’ll have a chance to see what sets apart a faithful disciple from an unfollower.

Here is the tentative title:

Unfollowers: The Oversights, Distractions, and Misconceptions that Keep Us from Following Jesus

It is due to release February 2014 with Wesleyan Publishing House.

Subscribe to my e-newsletter to keep updated about this project and to receive an advance preview of this book. If you subscribe today you’ll also receive two free eBooks:

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If you want to read an excerpt from our book, check out the chapter on Judas posted at Christianity Today: You have more in common with Judas than you think.

We live in a tweetable, sound bite driven age. Everyone is trying to get noticed in a noisy world, wanting to be retweeted, shared, and pinned. The bolder, more opinionated, more dramatic, and more controversial you are, the more you’ll get noticed.

The shorter your statement, the better.

As much as I love concise copy, this state of affairs does not encourage nuance or deep thinking most days.

In fact, the pursuit of the profound has led us to the trite and hyperbolic.

Hyperbole is all over Twitter and Facebook these days, and there’s not just bad communication. There’s bad theology—especially when it’s laced with guilt, judgment, or fear.

Offenders on Twitter this past week included:

“What you do in that split second between what was & what lies ahead is crucial. Don’t look back too long or you’ll get stuck – Lots’ wife!”

“Faith is risky, unbelief is deadly.”

Do you see the fear?

Do you see the bold immediacy?

How about the dramatic, eternal consequences?

Aren’t these Twitter winners?

By the way, did you also see “Lots’” wife? Were there two Lots in the story sharing one wife? I knew Sodom and Gomorrah were bad but…

The driving force behind these tweets isn’t love, freedom, grace, hope, or Gospel. God is tiny and unable to save us unless we heed the advice of the sound bite. The power is all rooted in the fear of getting stuck or dying—the latter being what basically happened to Lot’s wife. That is, unless she became a talking pillar of salt.

That’s sarcasm.

These read like bold, brave statements. People share them. They sound motivational.

DON’T GET STUCK!

TAKE THE LEAP OF FAITH SO YOU DON’T DIE!

Instead, they just serve to beat up weary people and pressure them without any hope that God can empower them to live differently or guide them. God is somewhere with his arms folded, waiting to see if we’re going to fall on our faces in sin, spend our days screwing around on Angry Birds, or read self-righteous blog posts by former English majors.

God is separate from us, using Twitter as his holy mouth piece to build his Kingdom by scaring his followers into obedience.

Sounds like Jesus, right?

Yeah, yeah… sarcasm.

These half-baked hyperboles turn every spiritual decision into a life or death matter with eternal consequences which then breed anxiety and bad theology.

Paul spoke of the love of Jesus being higher, deeper, and wider than he could fathom. John figured the world could not hold the books that would be written if he captured every detail from the life of Jesus.

It shouldn’t surprise us that Twitter or Facebook can be inadequate tools for communicating the hope of the Gospel or the love of God. They work great for quickly sharing information, but if we’re expecting a single tweet or status update to change someone’s spiritual direction, we may be asking too much of 140 characters.

You can’t save the world in 140 characters.

When God wanted to communicate the story of his love to us, he used millions of characters. Maybe we should take notice of that.

“I’m ready to burn down the internet today.” That’s what a friend shared during a rough day on her blog.

That’s how I felt after visiting Facebook yesterday.

The “moment” that set me off was a friend’s status that showed how low violent crime is in the United States compared to countries in South America and Africa—you know, the ones with virtual war zones and rampant organized crime.

I read it as, “See, it’s not that bad here. We don’t need gun laws! F#&k those kids.”

Another friend expressed his doubts about God.

Another expressed outrage over lax gun laws.

Another expressed outrage that a few crazy people give gun owners bad names.

Facebook provides a tiny box that can’t hold big ideas.

At least, it can rarely do that well.

We’re all processing something huge and horrible and tragic—the 2nd worst mass killing in American history.

Let’s look at the complexities we’re facing here…

We need to process our grief.

This is the first time I’ve ever processed anything like this as a parent, and it touched something deep inside me like no other national event ever has.

We need to take action too about gun laws.

We freak out over safety standards for cribs, car seats, and paint on toys, but a community of people who want to play with guns are holding us captive legislatively. I’d much rather inconvenience prospective gun owners with a thorough background check or limiting gun use to “gun clubs” like just about every other first world country rather than risk another mass killing of children. When the “militia” turns on their own, we need to rethink whether gun ownership was more about national defense of a financially broke new country than about protecting a hobby.

We need to ask some hard questions about God.

I think there are answers. I’ve spent hours writing and processing where God is at during a tragedy like this—especially why it happened. There is no simple, safe answer here.

All of these are urgent complex matters. We need to process them and to take action.

But we won’t get a satisfying outcome if we go on social media. On Facebook we become disembodied bits of text and flat avatars.

That’s not the kind of community we need right now.

We need conversations with real people who can see our tears, our shaking hands, and the determination in our eyes.

Social media is a form of community. It works great for sharing pictures, humor, or links to articles.

Social media is a great way to keep in touch.

We won’t find out answers to grief, gun control, or theology in a tiny box on Facebook.

Facebook specializes in trite and simple.

It’s a few steps up from bumper stickers.

Trite and simple fail us at times like this.

Let’s use Facebook what it was made for, and it surely wasn’t made for a time like this.

The larger your pain and the more complex your thoughts, the less Facebook will help.

I can’t start this post without a huge disclaimer: I got mentioned on a list of blogs.

I’m honored to see that people are interested in what I write, even if I have misgivings about why some bloggers were overlooked. However, more than being included on a list, I’m just grateful that we have lists in general on the internet.

I’m not grateful for lists in the way you may expect… At least I hope, or else I may not be as clever as I thought… which could jeopardize my place on future lists!

Moving on…

It’s fair to say that lists have always been a part of the interwebs.

Starting in 2004, I spent years pining after the blogroll in TallSkinnyKiwi’s sidebar. When oh when would my little blog make it to his blog list?

Bloggers sometimes swapped blogroll links as a kind of courtesy among friends, but you always secretly hoped that you would be discovered by a blogger and added to his/her list of top blogs.

I was particularly proud to be linked up on the now defunct Purgatorio site without having to beg for it—though I did endure commenting on far too many posts about Marcy the singing doll (anyone recall that series on Purgatorio?).

As I examined my own blogroll one day, I realized something: I only read and endorsed blogs by dudes.

I was that white evangelical guy who only read and supported other white evangelical guys.

My list pointed out my bias, and it prompted me to start searching for excellent female bloggers. At this point, I definitely read more blogs by women than by men.

So, I have arrived.

Well, not quite.

The more I look at my lists in my Google Reader and Twitter, the more I realize how ethnically and internationally homogenous they are.

In fact, they sort of have a lot in common with the other lists being put together online that lots of folks criticize.

We need lists. They force us to examine what we value and what we’re paying attention to.

If we’re going to be fair, let’s look at our own Twitter feeds, Facebook friends, and blog readers. Are we reading and promoting a diverse range of readers?

I write for websites that have very little ethnic and international diversity. In fact, that list that everyone’s so upset about has more diversity than many websites I write for.

Perhaps there are some flaws in these lists, but the bigger problem is that very few of us read as diversely as we know we should. I sure don’t. Lists are one useful tool for tapping into our bias and limitations.

I’m deeply grateful that we have folks who curate content, who research metrics, and who try to respond to the feedback of readers. I don’t think there will ever be a list that we’ll all feel good about.

However, we can use our lists, whether they’re our own or someone else’s, to ask ourselves some important questions—even if the lists have some flaws in their make up.

I’ve already been thinking about the diversity of the blogs I read, and so this new list of top ministry blogs drives home the urgency of diversity in the church and has prompted some questions:

Are there linguistic and cultural barriers that limit who I read? Perhaps we don’t read as widely internationally because the top international Christian blogs aren’t in English.

Are there topical differences that lead to homogenous blog audiences?

Should we accept that homogeneity as an audience preference issue in some cases?

Should we force ourselves to become uncomfortable and to read topics we haven’t thought about before?

I’m not offering the answers here.

Our lists will prompt us to ask these questions because they reveal what we value as online readers.

The lesson I take from this latest list of bloggers isn’t that he necessarily needs to change his criteria. Sure there are bloggers who should have been included and bloggers on that list that raised my eyebrows. I see this list as more of a challenge to me and to you.

I need to find a broader range of blogs to read and promote. Period.

If a diverse range of Christian blogs aren’t getting noticed, we need to make them more noticeable. That’s how the internet, when it’s done right, works the best. We have the power to promote what we care about.

Respectful dialogue with list makers can help call their attention to oversights, but the much more important problem is our own oversights.

Will I continue to publish for websites that fail to feature a broad diversity of writers?

Will I find a more diverse group of bloggers to promote through guest posts?

Will I share the best content from a diverse group of writers?

Am I willing to promote a more diverse group of bloggers even if that means my own blog and my friends’ blogs fall off the top blogger lists?

Those are the questions that have been keeping me up at night over the past month, and this latest list confirms that these are the right questions to ask.

I’m blogging each week in August about hazardous discipleship in preparation for the release of my next co-authored book Hazardous: Committing to the Cost of Following Jesus.

I used to think Daniel was a lucky duck.

He interpreted dreams.

He lived in a palace.

He could choose to be a picky eater.

He had close friends.

He had a ton of power.

These are all markers of success for us today. Who wouldn’t want all of those things?

The answer would be Daniel.

I suspect that Daniel would have preferred to be a shepherd in the land of Israel rather than advising the kings who destroyed his homeland and dealing with the intrigue that surrounded him in the royal court of Babylon. If allowed to return home, he would be free to worship God in the temple without any worries of being tossed to a bunch of lions.

It’s easy to overlook the simple fact that in the midst of God’s provision for Daniel, God didn’t give Daniel the one thing he wanted most: to return home.

This is a part about following God that is easy to overlook. We may be called to move far away from loved ones or places where we feel most at home, and that’s all there is to it. God sends us someplace that we would never choose, and we need to obey.

In the midst of that move, we can choose to either cling to him or resist him. If we cling to him, we will experience his provision in profound ways.

Stepping out in faith, especially depending on God in the midst of a tough situation, will do wonders for your intimacy with God. You’ll see God provide in amazing ways.

Just never forget that in the midst of God’s provision, you may not get the one thing you want the most.

I am often struck by the story of Jesus’s disciples in the storm. They weren’t spared the storm. They simply had Jesus with them in the midst of the storm. When things seemed hopeless, Jesus finally stepped in.

God doesn’t spare us from the storms. He doesn’t spare us from loss. That’s not how discipleship works. The promise of his provision is not based on our lists of needs.

God’s promise is to care for our basic necessities if we put his Kingdom first. God’s promise is that he won’t forsake us in the storm.

That isn’t a promise for smooth sailing in life.

God can show up in great power and provide incredible things, but we should never mistake that with a God who spares us from tough circumstances.

I look at Daniel’s story as an example of God’s faithfulness in the midst of a storm. Daniel didn’t receive all that he desired, but he always had exactly what he needed.

We were getting ready for bed last Tuesday evening when Julie noticed something a little different. She didn’t make much of it, but at midnight, she couldn’t deny that contractions were beginning. She told me, and I promptly freaked out.

Neither of us slept very much. The contractions continued to grow in intensity and frequency in the late morning on Wednesday, but they were never regular. Even into the early afternoon, these 10 minute contractions gaps would throw off what was supposed to be a steady little march to the 3-5 minute contraction gap that would signal the moment we needed to run to the hospital.

Instead, they fluctuated, though they became intense. Should we go? We called our doula several times. We took walks. We did all of the home laboring you can do. Then we took a walk in the alley behind our home, and things got moving.

It wasn’t easy for my wife Julie, but everything went about as well as could have been expected. At 8:28 pm on Wednesday, July 11th (my mom’s birthday) our son Ethan entered the world. And now I’m no longer just a writer by day. I’m also a stay at home dad.

I’ve never had a knack for kids. I just don’t know what to do with them. However, once the nurse placed our wiggling little baby in my arms, I knew.

What’s been shocking over the past few days is how many half-done tasks there are around the house. I frequently leave things in order to take care of Ethan. It’s a no-brainer, but it’s also something I didn’t necessarily think about ahead of time.

So my priorities have changed now. I’m still a writer, but I’m also a stay at home dad. I work from home and I parent. I’ve been building my freelance writing these past three years so that I could do this very thing. I’m just lucky enough that my passion for writing is something I can build around my son, rather than forcing myself to approach life the other way around.

I was thinking the other day about life calling after reading my friend Sandi’s guest post from last week about enduring seven miscarriages, adopting a daughter, and finding many other “daughters” through her work as a seminary professor. Regardless of what she imagined as the ideal for her life, Sandi had to find God’s calling for her life and accept that as her greatest goal—even if that didn’t include birthing her own children.

As we figure out what it looks like to have Ethan in our lives, I’m amazed at how unobtrusive he is because he’s now at the center of my home life with my wife. He’s not a distraction. Every chore and project becomes the distraction from him because he’s now my highest calling.

I still have my writing work. My wife is still the love of my life. I still plan to publish as many books as I can. The difference is that Ethan is now at the center of it all, and that feels perfectly right.

Parenting is not THE highest calling. I can’t make an absolute out of my own life because God has many callings for others. However, my life is shifting and realigning around Ethan. At one point in my life, I may have feared this or wondered how I’d ever manage it. Now that Ethan is here, I can see that it will be a challenge, but it is also quite simple.

Sometimes you need to just take that leap into the unknown, trusting that God can carry you and you’ll figure things out as you go. From what I know about parenting in general, that leap into the unknown is a common theme.

Speaking of the unknown, since I’m on paternity leave for a few weeks, here’s the plan at the blog. I have collected a few guest posts for the Belonging series, and the writers for the Women in Ministry series graciously sent me their posts early, so things around here will continue as usual.

When I come back at the end of July, I’ll wrap up the Belonging series. This series has been particularly healing for me as I transition from a broken sense of church into healthy Christian communities.

In August, I’ll begin writing more about my upcoming, co-authored book Hazardous: Committing to the Cost of Following Jesus. There are a lot of stories that went into this book related to figuring out what it looks like to live out costly discipleship, and I’ll be sharing a peek at some of them.

Best yet, I’ll be inviting you to share your own story of Hazardous discipleship during the book’s release week, so stay tuned for more about that. The best encouragement I can find putting the Bible into practice is hearing how others are doing it. By hearing how God has led others, I’ve been emboldened to listen to him and to step out in faith.

For now, I need to step out and help prepare dinner for Julie (and indirectly for Ethan). Thanks for reading my blog. When I step away from it, I always miss it, and a huge part of that is the interaction I have my friends and colleagues in the comments. I can’t wait to get back to blogging soon, but for now, I have eight pounds of blessing to take care of.

While working on the Taking Root series, I noticed that I was far more pleased with the quality of my posts if I gave my ideas more time to develop. As I started my new series on Belonging in the Church, I wanted to find a way to still give those posts time to take shape so the writing could be sharp, economical, and to the point.

The solution I’ve played with and finally settled on is to take Thursdays off. I’ll either share guest posts or some highlights from blogs I’ve been reading. This gives me a little more breathing room and enables me to recommend my favorite blogs. That’s something I’ve been meaning to do for quite some time now, and I’m glad that I can finally make it happen.

Check out Ray Hollenbach’s post: Jesus, Friend of Pharisees

Ray writes, “The same man who welcomed Matthew the tax collector was also friends with Nicodemus and Joseph of Arimathea.”

Lore Ferguson has a beautiful post about the tension between worship and fear: Kissing Fear

Lore writes, “Worship. Fear. Be in awe. Draw near…”

Sarah Bessey has an eerily similar story to my own about heartbreak and restoration in the church. The difference is that she writes about it with way more passion and poetry than literal ole’ me. This post will make your day: In Which God Has Restored Church to Me

Sarah Writes: “Six years ago, Brian left full-time vocational ministry and, you who have walked this road with us, you know, it’s been a journey. We were so burnt out, so exhausted, so broken hearted and part of me, a big part of me, never wanted to darken the door of a church again. ”

Kristin Tennant wants you to Learn How to Be Bored Again, and I think she’s right on.

Kristin writes, “I’ve been thinking about time not as currency, but rather as space. ”

I hope you enjoy these posts. I’ll be sharing the Women in Ministry Series guest post tomorrow, and then Monday I’ll pick up where we left off with my Belonging in Church series. Thanks for stopping by!

Taking Root is a series of meditations I’m writing and editing for Central Vineyard Church during the season of Lent. You can download the podcast version of each post by subscribing to my church’s podcast or visiting the podcast blog for each day of the series.

You can’t watch a television show these days without stumbling on a cell phone commercial. One of them shows a series of cell phones racing along a graph that demonstrates the speed of each phone’s data connection. At the end, a particular phone explodes through all limitations, surpassing the other phones, and proving to one and all that it is the best phone since it offers the fastest data connection.

Speed wins.

Another series of commercials have two colleagues at work who use their blazing fast data connections to keep a few minutes ahead of their colleagues. They know about retirement parties first, buy the best gifts for colleagues, and stay ahead on their projects because of their amazing cell phones.

Speed is better.

We’re offered speed through transportation, shipping, and food production. News outlets fight to deliver the news first. Fast food is pervasive.

Speed is everywhere.

If I ever ask anyone “How are you?” the most common response has to be, “Busy!” We are promised speed because we’re busy and we need to rush from one place to another. Moving slow is believed to be the fast track to unemployment, becoming a social outcast, or worse. Why else would we become so upset when stuck in traffic or when the internet goes down? We need to move fast, or else…

Speed can be a good thing in its place. However, speed is not a sustainable lifestyle. It’s only possible for a season or in short bursts.

There is a Cost to Speed

Those who never slow down will eventually crash. Think of a race car that never even takes the time for a pit stop, let alone for routine maintenance in between races. A race car that jumps from one race to another will never refuel or change its tires, causing it to grind to a halt, careen off the track, or crash.

We are in a long term race, and fighting to improve our speed and efficiency will eventually take its toll if we don’t understand how to slow down. Perhaps we fear being left behind if we slow down, but pushing ourselves too hard will lead to a far worse crash that will put us out of commission for a while.

Sacred Rhythms Fight Speed Addiction

As we’ve looked at the seasons of Christianity and the practices of stopping, waiting, and listening during prayer, we can create rhythms where rest and speed coexist. The goal isn’t to always move slow. The goal is to pace ourselves, learning when to sprint, when to slow down, and when to stop altogether.

The Advantages of Knowing When to Slow Down

We’re not doomed to a slow lifestyle. I’ve found that pacing myself with rest in between the fast-paced parts of my day often helps me move faster at the right times.

I only hit the wall when I try to push myself to keep a fast pace all day. When I can’t sustain that speed, discouragement and guilt can set in. Finding the right pace will help us both work better and rest effectively.

If you’re feeling the pull of a fast-paced, crazy day, that’s a sign that you need to create a space to rest, even if it’s for a few minutes. You know how to stop, breathe, and open yourself up to God’s voice. Stopping right now is the key to taking your next step forward.

The Greenhouse

What parts of your day are the most fast-paced or chaotic? What makes them like this?

What do you find most relaxing? What can you do to derive more benefits from these practices?

Stop for five minutes to pray today, asking God to show you the right balance in these areas?

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s watching NHL hockey. If there are two things I’m good at, they’re watching NHL hockey and giving unsolicited advice. Since the hockey games won’t be on until later tonight, I thought I should venture into the unsolicited advice realm.

OK, so here’s the thing. I stopped by the store today and saw all of these people stressing out over cards, chocolate, flowers, and other such things for Valentine’s Day. We all want to have an awesome Valentine’s Day, but how can we make such a thing happen? It would seem that everything at the stores is fighting against such awesomeness.

Don’t worry, there is hope. Here are three tips to having an awesome Valentine’s Day. You didn’t ask for them, but you need them.

#1 Order Take Out

I know the movies and television always show people eating out on Valentine’s Day, but gosh darn it, eating out on Valentine’s Day is a pain. You’ve got to make a reservation, wait a while, and drive all the way back home. If there’s one thing I’ve hated about Valentine’s Day, it’s finding a restaurant and then having to wait an hour before sitting down to eat. That’s how you kill all of your small talk before you’ve even hit the appetizer!

Skip all of that and order takeout. Pizza, Chinese, or Indian: it doesn’t matter. Keep it simple. Focus on each other, not on getting a reservation at that crazy restaurant. If you can just eat your food out of the boxes, you don’t even have to worry about dishes, freeing up your hands for other things…

#2 Write One Specific Thing in Your Card

Avoid greeting cards that use the words, “Sometimes I…” or “Even though I.” These are the gateways to banal cliché and must be avoided if you are to achieve awesomeness on Valentine’s Day. Nevertheless, the card itself isn’t too important, provided you write something specific and personal, even one thing that you appreciate.

Do you appreciate the past with this person? Do you look forward to the future? These are all things you can mention in the card. Can your card have Pepe Le Pew on it in the process? Absolutely.

#3 Pick Up One Significant Thing

I used to get stressed about picking up chocolate or flowers until I realized that it’s far more important to pick one significant thing that my wife actually likes. This shows that I’m paying attention to her and know her. Flowers aren’t a bad idea necessarily, but the bigger deal is demonstrating that I listen to her and appreciate who she is. Buying one significant gift such as her favorite drink, even if it’s something non-alcoholic, communicates something far more significant.

There you have it, my three steps to having an awesome Valentine’s Day. If you screw up these three simple tips, don’t come crying to me.

This morning I was trying to imagine what Christmas would be like if my family got together and decided we were going to discuss everything we believe about politics, religion, same-sex marriage, abortion, U.S. foreign policy, and anything else that may be a source of contention. Just for the fun of it, we could sit around and evaluate one another’s beliefs and life decisions, criticizing them one by one.

I doubt we would make it to the meal, which would be rather sad since we always have pierogies on Christmas Day.

I don’t have any intention of trying this out. Rather, I write this in order to follow up on last week’s post about Christian unity and the idea that we can remain united despite our divisions.

The more I think about families, the easier it is for me to believe that meaningful Christian unity can be possible today despite the fragmented nature of Christians. It’s true that most of us know the right answer on paper: we are united by the bond of Jesus. Believing that statement when someone holds a belief that seems to run counter to the Bible or acts against the spirit of love requires a bit more faith than we can muster some days.

When I think of the differences in my own family and our ability to gather every year for great parties that have no shortage of love, I’m hopeful about Christianity. Many of us are already experts at living at peace and unity with family despite major differences.

We know how to avoid sensitive topics.

We know how to focus on what joins us together.

We know how to show an interest in others who are quite different from us.

There have been days when I’ve despaired about Christianity and the ways we are hopelessly fragmented. However, this morning, I am hopeful.

Even now we are all looking forward to the birth of Jesus, celebrating his coming among us and the arrival of God’s salvation. We all struggle with materialism. We all have long to-do lists before we can celebrate the holidays.

When we sit down to pray, seeking God amidst busy days and tasting the joys of his presence, we are all connecting to the same Father who loves us. As we tap into the peace and love that comes from our one Lord, may he share with us his passionate love for his people.