:: In.a.Mirror.Dimly ::

Today’s guest post is by Jaimie Bowman:

This Mother’s Day I was asked to preach at my church, and the night before I realized that I was quite nervous. My mind rushed back to the first time I ever preached on a Sunday morning, which was when I was 22 years old.

The service was set to begin but we could not find the pastor anywhere.  The worship team was missing two members, a husband and wife, and it was glaringly obvious that they were somewhere with the pastor and that something was wrong.

After about 15 minutes, they rushed to the stage, faces beet red.  Something in my gut told me that it was about me, but I pushed those insecurities aside and preached for my life.  The fire that had been shut up in my bones for the past few years came out, and I felt empowered like never before.  I found out later there had been a heated confrontation about me preaching that morning.  Immediately after worship was finished, the husband and wife left the service and soon after decided to leave the church.

That wasn’t the first time my "womanhood" caused an issue.  When I was 15 years old, I announced to my parents that I felt called to the ministry. My dad, being a pastor of a conservative church that did not support women in ministry, did not feel the need to change his position on account of his daughter.  When I was 21, I was almost afraid to tell them I was becoming a Licensed Minister, but I did and we have never really spoken about it since.

Over the years, these kinds of obstacles did not seem to fade.  It seemed like wherever I went, minding my own business, other people felt like it was their business too.  People tried to "set me straight," discipline me, and put me back into the cocoon that I had just emerged from. I didn’t understand why they were so mad, taking up so much of their time trying to fix me.

The hardest part of the situations that I faced was that I was just trying to obey God.   Whenever I preached, I sensed the anointing of God like never before. The words came easy, like honey from my mouth, and my own gender just….never occurred to me.  I was too busy preparing for messages to notice what everyone else saw as the elephant in the room.  I wasn’t trying to usurp anyone’s authority, or demand my rights, or kick down any doors – I was just trying to be obedient.

Thankfully I had many wonderful people pour life into me during my early ministry years since I went to a Christian university that fully supported women in ministry.  Yet, outside of that safety net, I found the church to be a dangerous place.  I became one of those women who asked God, “Why did you make me a woman?” and pleaded with Him to take this calling away from me if it wasn’t from Him. 

Yet the burden only became stronger.

What surprised me the most was that the majority of the objections came from the women, not the men. It was the men who had spoken life into me, who had urged me to use my gifts, who had prayed for God to open the doors for me. The women often were the ones who seemed most upset and more intent on setting me straight.

I have learned that women can either be each other’s biggest supporters or biggest enemies.  Today it is my aim to help other women feel supported and encouraged in their calling.  I recently started the South Bay Network for Women in Ministry, inviting women from our area to come together for a time of fellowship and prayer.  Nine women joined together at my church, and there was such an excitement in the air.  Most of us had never met before, but we became fast friends. 

I heard story after story of women passionate about serving their God, yet their greatest obstacle seemed to be the church itself – the church they so desperately wanted to serve.  Some of these women were broken, feeling discouraged, overlooked, and underpaid. However, there was a silent hope in the room – a hope that, as we all come together, we can be the support one another’s needs, even when we cannot find it in our own churches.  

As women in ministry find one another, there is renewed hope.  We have a hope that as we are faithful to use our gifts and not give up, that God will be pleased.  We are not here to fight. We are not here to take over anyone’s positions. We are simply here to serve God with our gifts. 

Instead of pouring my energy into proving people wrong, I just want to pour my energy into encouraging other women in ministry, to let them know that they are not alone.

And that Mother’s Day sermon that I was so worried about?  One older gentleman came up to me and said, "Well, I have to tell you, I didn’t think it would be that good coming from a woman, but I was wrong."  I smiled.

Today’s Guest Blogger

Jaimie Bowman is a minister to whomever needs ministering to.  Married to her husband-pastor for 13 years, together they have two cute boys, ages 5 and 7.  As a speaker and writer, Jaimie longs to connect with and encourage other leaders.  Although she lives in Southern California, she does not have a tan and does not go to the beach for fun.  You can often find her drinking coffee and writing about leadership at www.jaimiebowman.com, or about motherhood at her personal blog The Wonder Years.  Jaimie is a Licensed Minister and holds a Master’s Degree in Church Leadership.

About the Women in Ministry Series

The Women in Ministry Series is a collection of guest posts that aims to:

• Provide an alternative to the women in ministry debates by telling the stories of women in ministry.
• Encourage women to explore their God-given callings.

Contributions Welcome: Contact Ed to pitch your post idea in 2-4 sentences.

You can stay updated on the latest post each week by signing up for the weekly e-mail list. (You also get a free E-book!)

Comment Policy: Everyone is welcome to leave a comment. However, this series takes for granted that women are called by God into every facet of ministry. This is not the place to debate that point and such comments will be removed.Women have been told “no” in far too many places. This is one place that is committed to saying “yes.” For more about the comment policy or submitting your own story, read here.

Next Week’s Blogger: Tammy Nischan

There are some stories that leave you hungry for more because you know there’s so much that simply can’t fit into a blog post—they need to be told at length on a front porch in order to capture their breadth and depth. Better yet, some stories are still being written, and the next chapter promises to be great. Harriet Congdon’s guest post has both of those elements.

I grew up within a U.S. military community in Japan. My civilian father traveled almost 8,000 miles, met my mother when she offered to launder his clothes, married her and started a family. It was my father who literally raised my sister and me since my Japanese mother was a silent presence in the home as a deaf-mute who could not read or write.

I got used to grunting Marines sharing our Christmas meal. All through school, I gravitated toward boys and preferred their conversations. I didn’t care that I was the only girl in electronics class and wood shop. I excelled in math and science. And my father instilled in me a belief that I was equal to men and could do anything I wanted with my life.

This is what I believed…until I became a Christian.

After graduating from Bible college, I observed the exclusion of women from certain church roles, heard the biblical arguments and submitted unhappily. After giving birth to three sons in three years and probably suffering from severe postpartum depression, I wondered if there was life after mommyhood and wanted out. I spiraled downward until I hit bottom where my faith shattered into pieces. But God in His mercy brought a woman into my life who mentored me back to health and hope.

As my pursuit of God reignited, I was surprised by a growing desire to serve in our church. However, there were two problems. First, since the church was very conservative, the only available place to explore my gifts was within a women’s ministry. But I didn’t relate well to other women and I resented God for making me one. Second, our church didn’t have a women’s ministry.

Sensing that God wasn’t impressed with my excuses, I took a deep breath and started one. The women’s ministry experience became a significant step toward discovering God’s call. The changing seasons of life brought new female friendships and young women who asked me to mentor them. Eventually I realized something significant. I loved women. And I loved being a woman! However, I also realized that I did not want to be confined to a women’s only ministry.

Feeling inadequate when other ministry opportunities opened, I enrolled in seminary. As one of very few women in the MDiv program studying Hebrew and Old Testament, I was inspired by several incredibly gifted and intelligent women who were called to ministry.

After graduating at the age of 50, I was asked to be the first woman to teach a Bible course at the conservative college. Later the even more conservative seminary asked me to teach a Hebrew class. Eventually the seminary hired a female OT professor. I enjoyed the academia, but after two years I was longing to serve in the church with all my gifts, education and experience.

Looking back I see patterns that have shaped my call. Both men and women have been significant forces in my own formation so that my passion is to further mutual dependence, respect and partnership in the Kingdom. Also my marriage has informed my hope for reconciliation between women and men, a marriage where I have been spared patriarchal patronizing and have been treated as an equal partner.

Lord willing, I believe the best years of my ministry lie ahead. But the path is not entirely clear. For the last six years God has placed me in a hierarchical church learning the challenges of how to be a reconciling voice. I have been a catalyst for some change.

However, I believe it is time for me to move on, to find a church where women are equal at every level of leadership and Christian brothers welcome women into their hearts and into partnership, to find space in a church where all my gifts can be used, my voice is valued, and I am truly free.

While in this “school of reconciliation,” God, in His mercy and sense of humor, has opened the door to China, a country where there are no gender roles thanks to communism. Without pastors or governing boards, thousands of urban churches are led by young women and men who call themselves “coworkers” to avoid any sense of hierarchy. For me, ministry in China is a reprieve from grief and from feeling suppressed. How ironic to be more FREE to minister in China than America!

Challenges remain, but I trust God for the next step, knowing that each obstacle uniquely contours my path, shaping my passions, my gifts and my dreams. And by continuing to hope and dream, I do my part to subvert the traditions of men and to tell God’s story of reconciliation.

About Today’s Guest Blogger

Harriet Congdon is a wife, mother, and grandmother with an MDiv who loves talking theology and teaching Old Testament. She is exploring writing at her blog, Story in the Middle, where she wrestles with making sense of life between competing worlds, whether theological, racial, or gendered. In Portland, Oregon, she is loving life with her husband of 33 years, a retired educator, who has promised to go wherever God leads her.

About the Women in Ministry Series

The Women in Ministry Series is a collection of guest posts that aims to:

• Provide an alternative to the women in ministry debates by telling the stories of women in ministry.
• Encourage women to explore their God-given callings.

Contributions Welcome: Contact Ed to pitch your post idea in 2-4 sentences.

You can stay updated on the latest post each week by signing up for the weekly e-mail list. (You also get a free E-book!)

Comment Policy: Everyone is welcome to leave a comment. However, this series takes for granted that women are called by God into every facet of ministry. This is not the place to debate that point and such comments will be removed.Women have been told “no” in far too many places. This is one place that is committed to saying “yes.” For more about the comment policy or submitting your own story, read here.

Next Week’s Blogger: Jaimie Bowman

When author Nicole Unice signed up for the women in ministry series, it just so happened that she could pick a date that coincided with the release of her first book: She’s Got Issues. That’s not to be confused with the sequel I hope she’ll write some day: She’s Got Tissues—hope for people with allergies. Whether or not she has tissues, Nicole has a story to tell, and I’m honored that she’s sharing it with us today:

In 2000, I was sure God called me to ministry. I was so sure about it, I traded a full scholarship at a local graduate school for a five-hour commute to seminary. With blank notebook and eager mind, I set off for what I imagined to be an amazing life in the church. I had never met a woman in ministry, but I was undeterred.

And then I took my first class. And I was a 23 year old female surrounded by men, professional forty-year old men. Pastors. I loved every word of the teaching but then a few of those men, the pastors, would speak up. They would quote bible verses to each other and talk about theology and they would sound like Pharisees. I would want to raise my hand and say, “excuse me, pastors, there is a professor here who actually has things to teach.” But instead I stayed quiet, and stared around that classroom and stretched my five-hour-commute legs and thought, God must be wondering how I heard him so wrong.

So I did what good Christian females do, and switched into the counseling program. There I was safe. I was with almost all women and a few quiet men, and the kindest and bravest professors who were both pastors and counselors, who taught me what it meant to be present in pain, to be a healing voice and touch, and to stop trying to cure when all I’m given is care.

And then I did what married women do. I got pregnant. I went underground and forgot about the call of 2000. I kept learning, but this time about childbirth and ear infections and how to parent with my husband and how to root deeply into community. And for a few hours each week, I traded my yoga pants for khaki pants and unlocked my counseling office door and received people. And it was ministry. And it was good.

I volunteered in women’s ministry and began to teach and a fire was kindled in my soul. Care was important, but counseling was never what I thought I would do in seminary. And then, nine long years after the call, I sat at a women’s leadership conference and listened to a woman preach with fire and with femininity and it was like nothing I had heard in any church and I began to cry. And I asked/shouted/cried to God:

Why didn’t you make me a man if you wanted me to pastor?

Why didn’t I stay in the pastoral program if you wanted me to teach?

Why won’t you bring me a woman mentor if you want me to make it in ministry?

And slowly, out of prayers of honesty and pain, what seemed wrong, God began to make right. I began to teach and to lead, to slowly integrate all I had learned in counseling with all I had experienced in ministry. I began to speak out with confidence, using the wisdom of years of listening to people behind my closed office door. And instead of one person listening to me “preach” with passion about how God loved her and listened to her, I taught groups.

Although I thought He had forgotten me, He never had. And although I thought my degree was wasted, it never was. And although I thought I was on the slow track, the mommy track, the wrong track, he was only shaping my path, using the twists and turns to smooth out the rough edges of my soul, to embrace myself as a leader and a follower, a challenger and a nurturer, a teacher and a listener.

The slow track pressed me to surrender, and I fought it. Surrendering meant God’s way of ministry, whether that involved a business card and an office or not. Surrendering meant it was not my job to change everyone’s mind about women in leadership. Because the way anyone in ministry changes the world is by looking like Jesus. It’s with gentleness, humility, and kindness. It’s with patience. It’s with a meekness that knows when to be strong and when to be silent.

These are not easy to come by for natural-born leaders, both men and women. But when I look in the rearview mirror of life, I don’t see one mistake. God used every bend in the long road to prepare me to fulfill the call of 2000. It’s 12 years later, and He’s right on time.

About This Week’s Blogger

Nicole Unice is a ministry leader at Hope Church in Richmond, VA. She teaches in a variety of capacities within the church. Her first book, She’s Got Issues (Tyndale) released this month. You can find out more about the book at http://www.ShesGotIssuesBook.com or follow her on Twitter: @nicoleunice.

About the Women in Ministry Series

The Women in Ministry Series is a collection of guest posts that aims to:

• Provide an alternative to the women in ministry debates by telling the stories of women in ministry.
• Encourage women to explore their God-given callings.

Contributions Welcome: Contact Ed to pitch your post idea in 2-4 sentences.

You can stay updated on the latest post each week by signing up for the weekly e-mail list. (You also get a free E-book!)

Comment Policy: Everyone is welcome to leave a comment. However, this series takes for granted that women are called by God into every facet of ministry. This is not the place to debate that point and such comments will be removed.Women have been told “no” in far too many places. This is one place that is committed to saying “yes.” For more about the comment policy or submitting your own story, read here.

Next week’s blogger: Harriet Congdon

Today’s guest post is by Jessica Goudeau, whose mother literally wrote the book on women in ministry:

I’ve spent most of my adult life going back and forth between wanting to do ministry and running from it like the plague. I know the gifts that God has given me, teaching and loving and helping people in need, are designed for ministry. I know that because I inherited them from my mother, who is one of the most gifted ministers I have ever known.

The reason I’ve run from them is because I’ve seen firsthand what it can be like for a woman in ministry.

Over the many, many years my mother has been teaching, in Sunday church, ladies’ class, and now at a Christian university as a theology professor, she has been patient, kind, and loving. Mostly, people have listened well to her. Sometimes she has been boxed into stereotypes—a woman who speaks must be “pushy” or have an agenda.

My mother does not. She is gentle and strong, thoughtful and discerning. She is not afraid of saying what is truth, but she is not out to shove an idea on a church that is not ready for it. I’ve heard her counsel churches that were tackling the role of women in their congregations to take their time, to pray, to listen to each other, to base their changes on strong theology and not on feelings or emotions or the economic power of a rich influential few.

My mother is not afraid to challenge freshman boys who enter her class ready to spew their opinions on anyone. But she spends most of her time working with young women who plan on using their gifts and young men who listen to her as a teacher, regardless of her gender.

She has earned her place among her mostly male colleagues through her teaching, her scholarship, and her desire to partner with them. She literally wrote the book on how to handle balanced and loving partnership between men and women in the church. Her book, Bound and Determined, argues that “we are bound together as Christian women and men by God’s design and that we must live with a determination to be God’s holy people in all of our partnerships.” It takes both women and men to have this conversation.

I watched as she lived out the stories that became her book. I watched as she navigated over the years the deeply-held convictions of people who thought that her gender kept her from using the gifts that God gave her. I watched her pain from, and forgiveness for, people who said hurtful or untrue things over the years.

She handled these situations with maturity. In my immaturity, I couldn’t always understand why she bothered.

The role of women in the church was the last thing I wanted to talk about.

And then I had two daughters. And the thought that they might ever feel like I felt at the age of seven, when I wanted to be a boy so I could preach, keeps me up at night. And I finally understand why both my mother and my father talked and prayed and moved to make a space for women in the church where I grew up, where women now teach.

It was for me. And my sister. And my brother. Because our legacy of faith is the most important thing for both of them. Because they value our voices, male and female. Because they want us to grow up to be the people God has called us to be, nothing more and nothing less.

Since becoming a mother, I have found myself moving back into ministry, just like my mother. When I was little, they used to strap my pack ‘n’ play in the back of our big van (it was the ‘70s) and haul me to college ministry devos. Now we bring our daughters along (in car seats, of course) to poor neighborhoods all over Austin while visiting Burmese refugees. In the last few years I’ve spent most of my time with mothers who weave and create traditional handicrafts in their home. I was drawn toward ministry even when I wasn’t looking for it. Looking back on the last five years in which I’ve been a mother, I realize I’ve created the same balance of academia, ministry, and motherhood my own mother cultivated in my growing-up years.

I couldn’t be prouder to take after her. And I can never thank her enough for the path she forged, for me and for women like me. I’ll spend my life trying.

My oldest daughter has already begun rolling her eyes at the things I say. I hear her tone, the distinct “MOOOOOM” only a daughter can roll out, and I know the road ahead of us could be long. I’ll probably embarrass her over the years. But I can only hope she has a fraction of the respect and love for me someday that I feel for my own mother.

I’ve entered ministry, full-on with my sleeves rolled up. I’m ready to talk and teach. Because I want my daughters to be the women that God created them to be. I’m ready to carve out a space for their precious, intelligent, beautiful voices. Just like my mother did for me.

About Today’s Guest Blogger

Jessica Goudeau is the Executive Director and co-founder of Hill Country Hill Tribers, as well as a grad student in English literature. When she’s supposed to be working on her dissertation, she can usually be found blogging about books, babies and Burmese refugees at loveiswhatyoudo.wordpress.com.

About the Women in Ministry Series

The Women in Ministry Series is a collection of guest posts that aims to:

• Provide an alternative to the women in ministry debates by telling the stories of women in ministry.
• Encourage women to explore their God-given callings.

Contributions Welcome: Contact Ed to pitch your post idea in 2-4 sentences.

You can stay updated on the latest post each week by signing up for the weekly e-mail list. (You also get a free E-book!)

Comment Policy: Everyone is welcome to leave a comment. However, this series takes for granted that women are called by God into every facet of ministry. This is not the place to debate that point and such comments will be removed. Women have been told “no” in far too many places. This is one place that is committed to saying “yes.” For more about the comment policy or submitting your own story, read here.

Next week’s blogger: Nicole Unice

Today’s guest post is by Kathy Escobar. When I think about a leading female pastor and and writer, Kathy is certainly at the top of my list.

Years ago, if you looked up the definition of "Christian Good Girl", I swear my picture would be right next to it. I was so good at being good! I knew how to keep the peace. I knew how to give people what they want. I know how to put my needs last. I knew how to say all the right things at the right time to sound really spiritual. I knew how to be nice.

Although I was not raised in a Christian home, when I turned my life over to Christ and joined his team, I found that all of the people-pleasing, peace-making, good-girl skills I had learned as a child of an alcoholic raised in chaos worked perfectly in the spiritual realm as well.

I earned all kinds of praise in the churches I was in for my good-girl-ness. Kathy’s so nice. Kathy’s such a team player. Kathy’s so easy to get along with.

None of these things were hard for me to do. They were like reflexes, a natural and immediate instinct to assess the situation, and then adjust to keep the peace and maintain whatever status quo needed to be maintained.

Over the years, though, as I started to do some personal healing work and begin to look at the unhealthy patterns in my life, something profound began to shift. I started to tell the truth about my own story. I started to not worry so much about what people thought. I started to advocate for others who couldn’t use their voices yet. I started to disagree. I started to use my voice and stir the pot about change in the church.

I started to worry more about pleasing God than pleasing man.

And guess what happened? Leaders didn’t like it. They liked me a lot better when I was following the rules, playing the good-girl game. A weird and subversive shift occurred when I started showing up more honestly, more passionately as a leader. The best words I can use to describe it are: "painful silence."

In my situation, the painful silence lead to me losing a pastoral ministry job that I loved. The reality was that I was just not "good" enough, submissive enough, to be part of that system anymore. Honestly, if I could have switched back to the Good-Girl fast enough, I might have been able to save my job. Temporarily.

But I was too far gone. My soul and passion had started to come alive and I couldn’t turn back.

As difficult as that season was for me personally, professionally, and spiritually, I am so grateful for it because I learned the most important lesson of my life as a leader:

Well-behaved women won’t change the church.

We just won’t.

Well-behaved women will keep the wheels spinning on systems that keep working, keep growing, keep moving. We will do good and honorable work that matters and helps people and makes a difference in their communities.

But we won’t change the church.

Some people think the church doesn’t need changing; they’re fine with the way things are because it works for them. But I think there a lot more of us out here than even we ourselves know–passionate women who believe the body of Christ needs much more than a face-lift to become all it’s meant to be.

Yeah, well-behaved women will not change the church.

Instead, change in the church will come from not-so-well-behaved women who are willing to risk their pride, reputations, and "being liked" to stand for what God is stirring up in their hearts.

Change in the church will come when women who are called to lead, lead, even when others don’t think they can or should.

Change in the church will come when women refuse to squelch their gifts and begin to unleash them without asking for permission first.

Change in the church will come when women passionately follow Jesus, not systems-made-in-his-name-that-do-not-reflect-his-image.

Change in the church will come when women bravely use their voices, power, and any influence they have to inspire others to be brave, too.

I admit, it’s still sometimes hard for me to not be the good-girl. I miss the safety. I miss the praise. I miss the security, even if it was false. Some days I wish I could make nice like I used to because it was so much easier then.

But the Kingdom of God was never about easy. It was never about comfort. It was never about maintaining the status-quo. It was never about playing nice.

The Kingdom of God Jesus called us to participate in creating–here, now–isn’t well-behaved.

That’s reason enough for us not to be, either.

About Today’s Blogger

Kathy Escobar co-pastors The Refuge, an eclectic faith community dedicated to those on the margins of life and faith in North Denver.  A speaker, spiritual director, group facilitator and advocate, Kathy is passionate about healing community, equality, justice, and change in the church.  

She has written several books, including the most recent, Down We Go: Living into the Wild Ways of Jesus, which is centered on cultivating incarnational community in a wide range of contexts.  She has a Masters degree in Management and Organizational Development and a certificate in Evangelical Spiritual Guidance from Denver Seminary and blogs regularly about life and faith at www.kathyescobar.com. Kathy lives in Arvada, Colorado with her husband and 5 children.

About the Women in Ministry Series

The Women in Ministry Series is a collection of guest posts that aims to:

• Provide an alternative to the women in ministry debates by telling the stories of women in ministry.
• Encourage women to explore their God-given callings.

Contributions Welcome: Contact Ed to pitch your post idea in 2-4 sentences.

You can stay updated on the latest post each week by  signing up for the weekly e-mail list. (You also get a free E-book!)

Comment Policy: Everyone is welcome to leave a comment. However, this series takes for granted that women are called by God into every facet of ministry. This is not the place to debate that point and such comments will be removed.Women have been told “no” in far too many places. This is one place that is committed to saying “yes.” For more about the comment policy or submitting your own story, read here.

Next Week’s Blogger: Jessica Goudeau

When I first imagined what this series could be, I hoped that I would be able to share stories like the one we have today from Rev. Meg Jenista. This is the kind of story that every Christian needs to read.

In 1963, Betty Friedan wrote, “There was a strange discrepancy between the reality of our lives as women and the image to which we were trying to conform, the image that I came to call the feminine mystique.” Friedan’s revolutionary research was the underpinning of the 1960s and 70s feminist movement, the aims of which have, in many ways, supplanted the so-called feminine mystique as the operational norm of gender stereotypes and feminine self-understanding in broader culture.

Reading Friedan’s work 40 years later within the context of church culture, I heard my own life experience explained to me. There is still an operational feminine mystique guiding our churches today, a one-size-fits-all mentality of Christian womanhood. I submit into evidence the "Women’s Interest" section of your local Family Christian bookstore. . .and the defense rests.

There is a dominant story in our Christian churches about what it means to be a woman. In reality, there are a lucky few women who naturally fit into this story. Other women subconsciously adopt this narrative, pretending it is their own, amputating the parts of themselves that don’t quite fit between the covers of the storybook.

Most women I know are partial-resisters of the story, timidly struggling against but ultimately bowing to the societal hand-slap that comes along with trying to tell the pieces of your truth that don’t comfortably fit the plotline of the dominant narrative. There are some women out there who just flat out resist the story. I would like to meet these women.

As an ordained minister in the Christian Reformed Church, you might suppose I am one of those no-holds-barred resisters. I remember a more conservative time in my life when I assumed that women preachers were all New-Age goddess-worshippers who cut up Scripture to their own liking. But that caricature of women ministers assumes we are “in your face” simply because we exist. Instead I offer the story of my timid struggle to own my identity, as a child of God first and a Minister of Word and Sacrament second.

In my first preaching class at seminary, I prayed that I would suck. I did. I prayed that God would relent, that it would be manifestly obvious that this was NOT God’s gifting. Then I would be free to return to my regularly scheduled life – a life that did not include rocking the boat. I didn’t have a radical agenda. I wasn’t looking to prove anything. That’s not quite true. I was looking to prove that I didn’t have a radical agenda.

Even as I prayed, though, I kind of knew that this was going to be one of those unsatisfactorily answered prayers. And, frankly, I was mad at God. Again. I was mad because God made me in such a way that God’s people didn’t know what to do with me. 
So I preached. I preached well, as it turns out, and I loved it.

Even after resigning myself to this difficult gifting, I was also deeply ashamed of it. Once, preaching in front of my mentor, she stopped me and asked, “Why are you standing there with one leg wrapped around the other? You look like you’re nervous or that you’re trying not to take up too much room. What’s that about?” Without pre-meditation, I blurted out: “It’s okay if I preach but if I’m too good or confident, it’ll make the boys feel bad.” Tears in my eyes, hand over my mouth, we both stood there. “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.”

Since then, seminary education, various internships and four years of ordained ministry have confirmed that I was made for this, that God is calling me to this. But I still find it difficult to feel the entirety of God’s delight because I know that this calling comes with the mixed reviews of God’s church. When the assumptions about my character come at me, as they do yet on occasion, I remember my own shame-filled truth: “Don’t be too good. Don’t be too confident. Don’t make the boys feel bad.” I remember that resisting the church’s dominant narrative is still a hand-slappable offense. I remember how it felt to secretly suspect God made me wrong.

Being the person God has called me to be is so much more complicated than the tidy little story God’s people have offered me. Some days I would give anything to be one of those lucky few women who naturally fit into the story of the Christian feminine mystique.

Then I remember that complicated is real. And real is better easy. Thanks be to God.

About Today’s Guest Blogger

The Reverend Meg Jenista is a graduate of Calvin Theological Seminary in Grand Rapids, Michigan.  She was ordained at Third Christian Reformed Church in 2008, where she continues to serve as the Minister of Community Life and Witness.  She eagerly awaits the day when Tina Fey decides to write a sit-com based on the lives of young clergywomen. You can listen to her sermons here. She tweets as @RevGirlKazoo.

About the Women in Ministry Series

The Women in Ministry Series is a collection of guest posts that aims to:

• Provide an alternative to the women in ministry debates by telling the stories of women in ministry.
• Encourage women to explore their God-given callings.

Contributions Welcome: Contact Ed to pitch your post idea in 2-4 sentences.

You can stay updated on the latest post each week by signing up for the weekly e-mail list. (You also get a free E-book!)

Comment Policy: Everyone is welcome to leave a comment. However, this series takes for granted that women are called by God into every facet of ministry. This is not the place to debate that point and such comments will be removed.Women have been told “no” in far too many places. This is one place that is committed to saying “yes.” For more about the comment policy or submitting your own story, read here.

Next Week’s Blogger: Kathy Escobar

Over the past year I’ve had the privilege of getting to know Stephanie Smith and have watched her develop her voice, refine her writing, and always, always learn with enthusiasm and humility. Those who question the quality of writing from 20-something writers simply haven’t met Steph.

I never wanted to host the women’s coffee and danish hour; I wanted to rescue child soldiers. And I didn’t want to do women’s ministry at a church; I wanted to go to the red light district of Amsterdam.

I never wanted to do women’s ministry. I got roped into it.

It was my freshman year at Moody Bible Institute, and my plan to major in missions to serve among the hungry and impoverished was effectively upturned by an informational meeting for the Women’s Ministry major.

There were only a few of us, a cluster of girls and the department chair politely taking turns sharing their passions as we went around the table. During the course of the meeting, estrogen was displayed at its finest—one girl started crying about a paper she had to finish that night, and there was the inevitable mention of PMS. The professor talked to us with her manicured hands, telling us an anecdote about how her husband recently dragged her to Home Depot when all she wanted was a latte—nonfat and no foam, please.

There we were, women young and old saturated in our own stereotypes, and somehow, in a peculiar stunt of grace, I wanted in.

I wanted in for the same reason that fires me up today—because beyond the tedious gender debates and the defensive disclaimers against angry feminists and doormat housewives, I believe in women. And I have witnessed, first as a student of women’s ministry and many times since, the beauty of a woman who has found her voice. This is what I hope we will be known for—not our looks, our limitations, or our agenda, but our voice.

She may use her voice to sing the back-up harmony or to lead an army, I’ve seen both. Sometimes her voice is bold and authoritative, trembling with the urgent tenor of the movers and shakers, muckrakers and go-getters, and sometimes she speaks quietly out of a well deep with wisdom. And me? I learned through the generous affirmation of others that my voice best ministers through paper. I’m not the woman at the helm, teaching and leading great initiatives and events. I’m the woman whose heart overflows onto the page and perhaps touches a kindred soul.

She’s free to find her own style. This is what I discovered as I delved into the Scriptures for myself, searching for God’s heart for His daughters from quick-handed Jael to meek-hearted Mary.

I used to echo the sentiment of Sue Monk Kidd, author of The Secret Life of Bees, when she said, “Mary and sacred feminine images in general had become wounded, diminished, and sacrificed…I was put off by the meek and mild look. I wanted to shake her.”^[1] But as I look to Mary’s famed Magnificat, or Mary’s song, I see a woman who knew how to articulate herself. . .and speak to her Maker’s glory. Mary not only possessed a strong sense of voice, she sang. And we are called to do the same.

About Today’s Blogger

Stephanie S. Smith is a twenty-something writer, editor, and book publicist addicted to print and pixels. She runs her business, (In)dialogue Communications, from her home in Upstate New York where she lives with her husband, trying her hand at backyard sustainable living and muddling her way through the liturgical year. You can find her blogging at www.stephindialogue.com about embodied faith, or tweeting @stephindialogue.

About the Women in Ministry Series

The Women in Ministry Series is a collection of guest posts that aims to:

• Provide an alternative to the women in ministry debates by telling the stories of women in ministry.
• Encourage women to explore their God-given callings.

Contributions Welcome: Contact Ed to pitch your post idea in 2-4 sentences.

You can stay updated on the latest post each week by signing up for the weekly e-mail list. (You also get a free E-book!)

Comment Policy: Everyone is welcome to leave a comment. However, this series takes for granted that women are called by God into every facet of ministry. This is not the place to debate that point and such comments will be removed.Women have been told “no” in far too many places. This is one place that is committed to saying “yes.” For more about the comment policy or submitting your own story, read here.

Next Week’s Blogger: Pastor Meg Jenista

[1] Sue Monk Kidd, Traveling with Pomegranates (New York: Penguin Books, reprint edition 2010), 48.

When I asked Carol Howard Merritt to contribute a guest post to this series, I knew she had some great ministry stories, but nothing could have prepared me for what follows. Enjoy!

“Well. The good news is that you did well on your tests. Your grades are way above what we require. Your IQ is very high,” the advisor began.

“Oh great,” I sat back in relief. I went to Moody Bible Institute in the hopes of getting into their Mission Aviation program. After months of orientation and testing, I was finally receiving the verdict of whether I was accepted.

“BUT,” she said, trying to catch up with herself. “The Board rejected your application.”

“Really? Why?”

“Well,” she opened my file, pretending to examine pages for clues so she could avoid my eyes. “We don’t have any girls in the flight school. We’ve never had a girl apply.”

“That’s not true. I saw a woman in our orientation class,” I protested.

She shook her head. “She’s in avionics, not flight. Carol, we don’t even have any girls’ restrooms on the Tennessee campus,” She finally looked up and closed the file. Grasping the folder with one hand, she reached out her other hand as if she wanted to hold my palm in prayer.

I folded my arms tightly around my chest and imagined all of those secretaries relieving themselves in the woods.

She exhaled, shook her head diagonally, and continued, her words dripping with sympathy, “Believe me. The Board had a difficult time with your application. It felt like those men argued for hours. But the donors spend more money on flight school students than any other student. They just couldn’t take the risk.”

“What risk?” I asked.

“Think about it. What happens when you get pregnant?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you willing to promise that you’ll never get married?”

“What?” I said crossing my legs the other direction. I couldn’t figure out what she was saying. I was seventeen. Did she want me to take a vow of celibacy in order to get into the program?

“You can’t fly after you get pregnant.”

I sat. Taking it all in. She did expect a vow.

“Plus,” she went on, as her compassion took on a patronizing tone, as if she was trying to explain to a five-year-old the facts of big-girl life. “Being a pilot is a position of authority, and as a woman, it just wouldn’t be what God would want.”

“Why isn’t it in the catalogue that the Flight school is only for men?” I asked bitterly.

She continued her sorrowful head shaking. “We just never expected a girl to apply,” she smiled. Pointing to a box of Kleenex, she made an invitation, “You can cry, if you’d like.”

I looked at her, rolled my eyes and thought, Oh hell no. I am not giving you that satisfaction, and walked out of the room.

I left my advisor’s office, feeling shattered, ashamed and disoriented. I didn’t want to fly the planes to be in authority. I wanted to help people—to take medical supplies and building materials onto the mission field. Why was that act of servitude off-limits? I was not allowed to teach a boy who was over the age of six, because a seven-year-old male had spiritual authority over me.

The only thing that seemed acceptable for women was playing the organ and singing in the choir. I sucked at both. With my complete lack of domestic and musical abilities, I was useless to the church. I wanted to serve God, but how?

I suppose that’s when I began to question “God’s intended order for women.” I read Jesus’s parable a thousand times. We were given talents. We were not to bury them, but to use them.

So why had God given me all the wrong talents? Why did teaching and studying theology excite me like nothing else?

What finally saved me was the fact that even more than serving people, I wanted to serve God. I began the painful and arduous path of trying to live into the fullness of what God beckoned me to be. I had to tune out the eternal chorus of people calling me a “feminazi.” I had to quit imagining how I embarrassed my parents. I had to tame my thoughts that taunted me for not being good enough, smart enough, or just plain enough to be in ministry. I kept plodding along the path God set out, one step at a time.

I would have never planned this journey—going to seminary, becoming the solo pastor of a tiny Cajun congregation, leading a larger church in Rhode Island, and serving a church in downtown D.C. I began writing, and the process was like discovering an unused appendage. Then, I stumbled upon a whole new vocation, as I travel around, teaching church leaders and seminarians.

Now I’m working on a book, trying to trace the circuitous path behind me, in the hopes that others will be able to find their own way to live into the fullness of God’s call.

About Today’s Blogger

Carol Howard Merritt is a pastor at Western Presbyterian Church in Washington, D.C. She is the author of Tribal Church and Reframing Hope. She blogs at TribalChurch.org, which is hosted by the Christian Century. And she co-hosts the God Complex Radio podcast with Derrick Weston.

About the Women in Ministry Series

The Women in Ministry Series is a collection of guest posts that aims to:

• Provide an alternative to the women in ministry debates by telling the stories of women in ministry.
• Encourage women to explore their God-given callings.

Contributions Welcome: Contact Ed to pitch your post idea in 2-4 sentences.

You can stay updated on the latest post each week by signing up for the weekly e-mail list. (You also get a free E-book!)

Comment Policy: Everyone is welcome to leave a comment. However, this series takes for granted that women are called by God into every facet of ministry. This is not the place to debate that point and such comments will be removed. Women have been told “no” in far too many places. This is one place that is committed to saying “yes.” For more about the comment policy or submitting your own story, read here.

Next Week’s Blogger: Stephanie Smith

People who complain that Christians don’t tackle enough real world issues aren’t reading Joy Bennett’s blog, Joy in This Journey. When she writes about joy, that’s joy in spite of the most trying circumstances a person can face. Joy and her husband Scott are a great team, and I’m always grateful for Joy’s honesty and courage in tackling the tough topics of our faith.

I have a secret identity. You could say I do undercover work, but I just call it ministry—serving where God placed me. Some people may not see it that way, but that doesn’t really matter to my partner in crime, also known as my husband, the church elder.

My husband Scott and I are building a fairly egalitarian relationship. In our nearly 14 years of marriage, we’ve birthed four children, started, transferred, and left jobs, learned to give shots and work i.v. pumps, bought and sold houses, replanted and closed churches, and buried our oldest daughter. To say these years have been intense is an understatement, but through it all — the terror, agonizing decisions, joys, misunderstandings, celebrations, depression, sleep deprivation, selfishness, laughter, sacrifice, and grief — we have become a team. We know we’re better, more complete together than we are apart. In his weakness, he leans on my strengths, and in mine, I lean on his. Rather than feeling threatened or insecure by another’s strengths, we encourage each other to run with our gifts. We continue to work out where our consciences require standing our ground, and where we can compromise and defer to the other.

We work as a team in every aspect of our lives, including church ministry, as far as the confines of the church we are in will allow, anyway. We have always been a package deal. (I will not go into the frustrations of these confines here. Suffice it to say that I’ve spent my life in non-egalitarian churches.)

Seven years ago, Scott took the role of church elder and served there for five years. Before he did so, we talked through how it would change our family. Any volunteer role is a family commitment, but church leadership roles are especially so. The kids and I would lose Scott to meetings and ministry, and we would all be watched closely (I had no idea how closely). This would be especially costly for our family because we were still caring for Elli, our oldest daughter born with congenital heart defects and cerebral palsy (she passed away in 2008). We both knew that we would have to carry his responsibilities together for it to work. His eldership would essentially be mine too, despite the fact that only he had the official title.

Being in leadership can be a head-trip. Looking back, I am thankful for our difficult circumstances. With Elli in and out of the hospital frequently, we couldn’t get big heads or think we were above anyone else. We needed help far more often than we could offer it. There was no denying our place in the dirty life-trenches beside our church family, lending a hand as we could and taking the one lent to us when we needed it.

My husband wasn’t the preaching pastor, but he did preach occasionally. He also taught adult Sunday School classes and led Bible studies. When preparing to preach or teach, Scott would often read me sections and ask me, “Does it make sense? Am I missing something? How can I communicate this better?” We would dig into the nuances of word meanings and how different people (e.g. men, women, single, married, rich, poor) might understand things. We always unearthed something the other hadn’t seen. (We do this with my writing too, and it helps me communicate better too!)

One of the roles I loved most was advocating for the women. I helped my husband see how the teaching and practice of male-headship affects women in church. As a man, he simply couldn’t see the confusion it created about what is and isn’t appropriate. I remember him and the preaching pastor sharing their disappointment with how few women spoke up in mixed groups. I explained that these women dearly love God and want to please him and remain silent out of fear that speaking aloud violates male headship. Some women even refuse to pray aloud in front of men. I learned just how much these men needed my unique insight into the women of our church in order to meet them where they were and support their growth in grace. It was a pleasure and a privilege to be eyes and ears, to convey my sisters’ needs and their perceptions of God and faith and life to the elders, and encourage one another in The Way.

Church ministry is grueling, and we made a lot of mistakes. We left wounded and dry, and we’ve been on quite a faith journey since. The experience showed me how desperately we need to do church better, though I’m still not sure how. I am sure of a few things, though — we need each other, especially people who are different than us, I don’t trust pastors who lead without input from their wives, and I look forward to partnering with my husband in ministry again one day. Maybe next time I’ll have the official role (I know we’ll have to talk about that one).

“If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? If they were all one part, where would the body be?” 1 Corinthians 12:17, 19

About Today’s Blogger

Joy Bennett is a writer, asker of questions, and bereaved parent. She writes, “I’ve blogged since 2005, writing on faith and doubt, raising children with special needs, grief, and depression. My faith is very much still in process. Views expressed are my own and do not reflect those of me yesterday or tomorrow.” [If you hear a blogger howling at the moon, it could be Joy…]

About the Women in Ministry Series

The Women in Ministry Series is a collection of guest posts that aims to:

• Provide an alternative to the women in ministry debates by telling the stories of women in ministry.
• Encourage women to explore their God-given callings.

Contributions Welcome: Contact Ed to pitch your post idea in 2-4 sentences.

You can stay updated on the latest post each week by signing up for the weekly e-mail list. (You also get a free E-book!)

Comment Policy: Everyone is welcome to leave a comment. However, this series takes for granted that women are called by God into every facet of ministry. This is not the place to debate that point and such comments will be removed.Women have been told “no” in far too many places. This is one place that is committed to saying “yes.” For more about the comment policy or submitting your own story, read here.

Next Week’s Blogger: Carol Howard Merritt

There are few things more intimidating than introducing a guest post by Lisa Delay. She’s got serious chops in theology, spirituality, technology, design, and humor—especially in the subset of Ligers. Perhaps I need only say that anyone who doesn’t enjoy Lisa is probably the kind of person who steals ice cream from children or eats all of the steak in the house. In light of that, I’m delighted to have Lisa’s guest post today.

As a seminary student a couple of years ago, I would often hear the comment, “Do you want to be a pastor of a church?” Some were intrigued as they asked me, and others were sort of surprised or even dismayed. I might say something like, “Oh gosh, no!” Then some would let out a little sigh of relief, and others would just freeze in a perplexed stare.

I never went to seminary to end up leading a church.

I went to learn and grow, and to help educate my writing to produce the same in others with the help of the Almighty, that is. The call to study at such a place seemed undeniable, but certainly out of place by typical determinations. Could this really be beneficial when it appeared to be only a difficult, time-consuming, costly, and career-limiting stint of higher education?

My denomination’s doors for women as pastors are shut and locked from the inside. Why not just get an MBA in 1/3 the time and get five times the return for my financial investment? Right? Duh.

It’s important in the course of this story to share that I don’t take the word “call” lightly. It hardly ever applies to me, save two other times. I just don’t use that language, and I tend to be suspicious when people over-utilize that word.

No, for me a “call” is like this deep conviction planted in my heart (think Dallas Willard. The heart = one’s control center/will). This conviction then progresses through prayer, study, introspection, and wise counsel. I sense that if I don’t move in a certain direction I’ll be standing against something much bigger than me, and blocking it somehow to my own detriment.

It could be that God knew that ministry in the local church setting was a human-sized dream and not a God-sized one for me. It turns out we are now perfectly poised for women of God to influence the world with God’s love in ways we couldn’t have even dreamed up even a decade ago.

Connection to others through the internet breaks all the gender-centric barriers Christians and culture have propagated for thousands of years. These barriers have often cut women off from being the teachers, apostles, prophets, and whatever else God has gifted them to be.

This transformation of gender roles came into laser focus for me when I viewed Johanna Blakley in her TED talk entitled “Social Media and the End of Gender”. Blakley explains how women primarily drive and dominant social media in every category, worldwide. Yet, instead of a feminization of the internet landscape, people aggregate in “Taste Communities.” Gender stereotypes are now trumped by more accurate definers, and voilá gender is transcended.

That “masculine feel to Christianity” idea that’s been batted around lately? It’s blind to authentic and seismic shifts in how we relate to each other. Thankfully, pastors don’t have to think of themselves as jock straps of Christendom, which is nice. Beliefs and values are stronger bonds for determining relationships anyway. They always have been because they are the glue that keep communities cohesive and thriving.

Ten years ago I couldn’t get an audience with men, except maybe through countless hours of prior hard work to earn some kind of seal of male approval. Now I write, I teach, I interview, I create videos, and I interact with, encourage, and influence others across genders through the powers characteristic of a digital age.

More than ever, I realize that this is God’s plan for my ministry. We can only imagine how dynamic and transformative this new digital era will be. I’m confident that it’s a Golden Age for women in ministry.

For any woman reading this article, or any man who would like to encourage a woman in the work of the Lord, I encourage you to read, mediate, and pray with these two of my favorite passages on this topic, and be sensitive to the role God would have you play in this new Golden Era:

Luke 4:18-19 (The beginning of Jesus’ ministry; he quotes from Isaiah.)

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to release the oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

Luke 1:46-53 (from Mary’s song, and the beginning of her ministry)

“My soul glorifies the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has been mindful
of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed
for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
His mercy extends to those who fear him.”
from generation to generation.
He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
He has brought down rulers from their thrones
but has lifted up the humble.
He has filled the hungry with good things
but has sent the rich away empty.”

Do I need a church office and cluster of parishioners to have a ministry? Nope. And neither do you. Welcome to the Golden Age.

About Today’s Blogger

Lisa Colón DeLay is a long-time blogger with a visual arts and design background and a Master of Arts in Religion, with a spiritual formation concentration. Currently, she is focusing on spiritual guidance for writers (especially bloggers) with a two month series and a burgeoning community on Facebook committed to virtue in blogging.

About the Women in Ministry Series

The Women in Ministry Series is a collection of guest posts that aims to:

• Provide an alternative to the women in ministry debates by telling the stories of women in ministry.
• Encourage women to explore their God-given callings.

Contributions Welcome: Contact Ed to pitch your post idea in 2-4 sentences.

You can stay updated on the latest post each week by signing up for the weekly e-mail list. (You also get a free E-book!)

Comment Policy: Everyone is welcome to leave a comment. However, this series takes for granted that women are called by God into every facet of ministry. This is not the place to debate that point and such comments will be removed.Women have been told “no” in far too many places. This is one place that is committed to saying “yes.” For more about the comment policy or submitting your own story, read here.

Next Week’s Blogger: Joy Bennett of Joy in This Journey