:: in.a.mirror.dimly ::

As I look at where I’ve come from as an evangelical Christian the vast majority of evangelicals I read and interact with, I’ve been realizing that I generally lack a functional vocabulary of the Holy Spirit.

While I’m very much aware of the Holy Spirit’s presence, and I mention the Spirit at times, I lack the tools to speak of the Spirit’s work with other evangelicals. I’ve seen this among many colleagues online as well.

In a blog post I once critiqued one well-known speaker and author among the missional gang of Christians for his dearth of references to the Holy Spirit. A friend who knew this author shared that he knew from personal interaction with this man that he was fully committed to relying on the Holy Spirit for Christian mission.

However, we would never know this from his writings.

From blogs to sermons to books, in my travels and readings I repeatedly run into Christians who merely assume the Holy Spirit’s work or take his/her/its presence for granted. The teachings generally end with some kind of call to action, Do this. Period

If we challenge such teachers, even if I challenged myself sometimes, the reply would be something like, “Well of course the Holy Spirit is in the mix.” Somewhere. We don’t quite know how to verbally express how the Holy Spirit empowers us to holy living and generally makes the whole salvation, Christianity thing possible.

There are a few reasons for this verbal disconnect. In examining my own struggles with speaking of the Spirit there are reasons that range from the evangelical fear of sounding too “Pentecostal” and a failure to seek out the Spirit’s influence in our daily lives. I’ll touch on these reasons tomorrow.

About two years ago I realized that I’ve been trying to hedge my future and my finances beyond God’s plans for us. I was listening to financial advice all of the time, trying to build equity in our home, and praying that one day we’d have a lake house.

There, I said it. I would really like to live next to a lake.

I know that it’s common to speak of Jesus as Lord and Savior, but some days I’d like to have my salvation and my financial security together. It’s what we call having two masters: ourselves/the world and Jesus. They don’t mix.

Two Masters or One Lord

Jesus told his followers they cannot serve God and money. Rather, they should seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness.

Making Jesus Lord has a way of wrecking our plans and our hopes for security. Jesus did not allow his followers to have divided loyalties.

There is No Plan B

When I think about making Jesus my Lord and placing his plans ahead of my own desires, I think of not having  backup plans. There is no plan B for disciples who place their hope in the Kingdom of God and the Resurrection.

I wrestle with this idea of a plan B. In one sense we don’t want to be reckless. We need to plan, to try new things, and to experiment. Sometimes living by faith has been used to justify foolishness. I’ve come close to that more than I care to admit. However, there is a fine line of faith that we’re always seeking.

As we stepped out in faith in our move to Connecticut I’m always working on this Lordship of Jesus thing. It involves listening to him and then actually obeying where I sense him leading. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m hearing him, and so I check with my wife or my in-laws.

Over the years I’ve learned to check with them more often than not.

I feel like I’ve hit my fair share of frustrations after following God’s leading. I’ve sometimes acted out of guilt or just my own desires and stupidity. But I think a few things are lining up bit by bit. I would have never chosen such a process for figuring out God’s calling for us, but then again, we need to remain open to the ways that Jesus establishes himself as Lord of our lives.

Either we have all things in God’s Kingdom and in the promise of the Resurrection, or we are to be pitied more than anyone else. Plan B is not an option.

I hate going to the dentist. It’s never that bad. But as someone with some anxiety issues, reason and past experience need not intervene. While trying to think of something else, I turned to my old friend NPR.

There was this guy on talking about Goldman Sachs, the jerks who crashed the economy on the release date of my book, and how they screwed a lot of people by betting against their own investments. It sounded pretty shady and infuriating.

The reporter explained the basics, and about five minutes into the show I felt like I understood the situation. As I considered it, I realized that I probably wouldn’t profit all that much from listening to the show. I mean, what is a freelance writer and speaker in Eastern Connecticut going to do about a bunch of bankers holed up in Manhattan?

I began to think in terms of what would benefit me most, and what would last. This clearly was not it.

While I enjoy NPR, I even listened to Fresh Air on the way back, at that moment I realized that the most important and lasting thing I could do was to turn off the radio and to worship God. For someone who spends a lot of time thinking about his faith, worship can become a rare commodity.

The default for humanity is self. Even theology can become about ourselves, what we know, and building up our own reputations. Throughout scripture there is a tension between humanity’s focus on self and the place of God as the only one worthy of worship.

Intentionally disconnecting from the noise of life in order to worship God can turn a day from an effort to accomplish what I want to serving God with everything I do and asking him what he’d like me to do. Unless we’re convinced that God is worthy of our worship, we won’t give him his proper place as Lord of our lives.

Sometimes it takes the threat of a dentist to drive that message home.

After a series of disappointments and discouragements yesterday, I hit a wall. It was nothing too terrible, but just frustrating enough and regular enough to make me feel like a mini-Job. Everything I touched yesterday seemed to become either worse or a lot worse.

On Facebook and Twitter I used my Passive Aggressive Status Pass.

I ranted a bit at home. I pouted quietly to myself. And then I laid in bed asking God what the hell just happened.

I was in a mood.

The words of Jesus from the Gospels came to mind, “What do you want?”

Jesus asked that question from many people in the Gospels. They usually had one thing such as, “I want to see” or “I want you to heal my dying daughter.” I had a list of thirty or so smaller things that would make life for us a ton easier if they fell into place as planned. I also had my own nagging insecurities tagging along to keep me in the dumps.

What did I want? Well, in thinking about my day, I realized that I could at least say I didn’t want God all that much. I wanted solutions: accepted articles, writing projects to fall into place, etc. I also wanted security and possibly a little bit of success—you know, not too much lest I get prideful. Wink, wink.

I got to thinking about all of this, and then I thought of my post from last week about Jesus leaving us his peace. I had my own plan for achieving peace, but Jesus has given us peace already. When my own plans for peace hit a wall yesterday, I sensed God reminding me that he wasn’t interested in giving me peace through my own means.

Step away from the wall.

I needed to let go of my own plans and desires, opting instead to rest in him and his peace and letting that be enough. It feels like a cop out to say that in one sense. But when the most important command from Jesus is to love God and to love others, it strikes me that I need to get the foundation right before expecting anything else to fall into place.

Where was God when I hit my wall? Waiting for me, offering me peace, and even loving me. While I kicked at the wall that I couldn’t get past, he was waiting for me to step away from it and to follow him.

A friend once shared the story of praying for his brother to follow Jesus. He’d been praying for years, inviting his brother to his Baptist church from time to time. It weighed deeply on his heart.

One day he prayed a little differently: “Lord, just save my brother, I don’t care which denomination he goes to. Just save him.”

A few months later his brother starting attending a Presbyterian church and became a follower of Jesus.

This is a story that has made an impression on me, reminding me that while we may be praying for God to help someone or save someone, we often attach some strings to our prayers. When my friend finally realized that he only wanted his brother to be saved as a Baptist, he let go of that desire.

Maybe it’s just a coincidence in that case, but I’d like to suggest something here that this story always stirs up in my own heart. When we’re praying for God to move in another person’s life, perhaps God wants to start moving in our own lives first, to change something, and to push us deeper into discipleship, holiness, and service.

Perhaps the change that God works in our own lives will answer what we’ve been praying for. Maybe God wants to change us in order to reach someone else.

Another installment of my fictional series Sarcastic Saturday:

Earth–In a surprising development for Christians devoted to social justice and loving one another, the Kingdom of God appeared because enough Christians have taken a bold stand for the truth. Michael the Archangel appeared in the heavens and proclaimed the victory of truth over error and relativism.

People who love truth everywhere are rejoicing that they were right. “We knew that if we exposed enough error and took a bold enough stand for truth, sound doctrine, and watered down Christianity emphasizing service that God’s Kingdom would show up,” said one self-proclaimed truth activist. “I’m not surprised that we were right,” he added.

“Here I thought my worship was meaningless because of the injustices Christians have been ignoring,” shared one pastor who works among the homeless. “As it turns out, the only thing God has cared about all along is if we get our doctrines correct.” 

Christian social justice ministries have since shuttered their operations, opting to commit to further study in order to sort out their doctrines in light of the Messiah’s second coming.

“What a shocker,” shared one member of Christians for Social Action. “The next thing they’ll say is that sarcasm can be redemptive.”

After participating in a variety of church meetings over the years, I wanted to share a little theory I’ve been working on based on some experiences, some ongoing thoughts, and some conversations. I don’t want this to devolve into whining or castigating everyone who doesn’t meet whatever my standard may be.

I’d like to offer these thoughts as four goals for every church, not as judgments of what we are or are not doing. These are things that are worth pursuing. I’d like to know what you think of this and whether it may help us sharpen our focus as we gather together.

I think if a church can do these four things, then it’s on track with the Kingdom of God and the general trajectory of scripture:

Worship

Worship is the one thing that we know churches should do. Sometimes our worship veers a little too much toward our own experiences of God, but it is important for Christians gathered together to worship God first and foremost. Jesus is the head of the church, and therefore we enter his presence with the praise and thanks that he is due. Worship can take place in music, spoken word, prayer, or other acts in community.

Fellowship

Whether fellowship with God and fellowship with one another, churches should be drawing near to God and in the process of meeting God they will find their unity with one another. Not every church that worships God authentically moves into fellowship with God, but it is often the aim of most churches to both worship and to meet with God when they gather.

Transformation

While it’s wonderful to have fellowship with God and one another, meeting God should push us toward the next step of allowing God to transform our lives, to free us from sin, and to empower us to live holy lives. Fellow believers have the important role of building one another up and making sure that we leave our gatherings with greater freedom and in deeper commitment to God.

Service

When we meet our God who transforms and empowers us, the next logical step is to join him in his work among others. This could include serving fellow believers, but should not be limited to that. The church that meets God and experiences his healing power needs to be willing to share it with others. If that’s not happening, then we need to ask why.

Final Thoughts

I think most churches try to do at least two or three of these things well, but all four are necessary for our communities to become outposts for God’s Kingdom. When we talk about why we gather together as Christian communities, I think these are the four categories that should drive our prayers, thoughts, and plans.

Each piece flows from the other. If we’re missing one piece of this, we aren’t fully embodying the Kingdom of God in our churches.

Continuing my meditations on the book of Romans…

After providing instructions on Christian conduct and asking the Romans to commit to build one another up, Paul continues to instruct the Romans on living in Christian love and unity. Though love and unity are generated by the power of the Holy Spirit through Christ, Paul makes it clear that the Romans have an important role to play.

Christ bore the insults directed to God, much like David in the Psalm quoted, and laid down his life for others. The Romans who have clear consciences and can live by faith without extra limitations in unimportant matters should seek the best for their neighbors and build them up. the goal isn’t winning the argument but remaining confident and selfless, encouraging one another.

There is a balance between God’s work and the Romans’ calling to accept one another. Only God can help them to endure and to remain united with one mind and voice. And much like Christ’s obedience to do God’s work, they are to be servants among one another. In the unifying of Jew and Gentile there are lessons to learn about blessing others above themselves.

After so many strong words in this letter, Paul shares his hope in God and his hope that the goodness of God at work in the Romans will help them live holy lives together. Paul only speaks of Christ’s work and his calling in Christ, aiming to fulfill his duty to preach the Gospel to the Gentiles. It is by God’s power that he has spread this message far and wide.

However, in fulfilling his spiritual ministry with words, signs, and wonders, Paul also desires to carry material blessings from Gentiles to the Jews in Jerusalem, even if it puts him in harm’s way. he asks them to join in prayer for his safety and for an audience that will gladly receive the Gentile churches’ gifts.

Over the past six months or so we’ve been on a real journey of faith that I’ve pretty much kept under the radar on this blog. I don’t generally like to share too much from my personal life online, but I think I have a few lessons to share and stories to relate that will be an encouragement to others.

This will also explain why we now live in Connecticut.

About two years ago a friend of ours encouraged us to pursue graduate school for my wife Julie. We’d been talking about it for years, but we kept assuming that we should put it off. After a lot of thinking, planning, and testing, we decided to give it a shot. Last April Julie was accepted at the University of Connecticut to begin working her way toward a PhD in English Lit.

Consequently, we had to sell our house in Vermont, she had a lot of preparation to do, we had to find a place near Storrs, CT, and I needed to figure out a job. Over the following months we sensed that I should try writing and speaking full time, which meant we really needed an affordable place to live in Connecticut and to live on a tight budget. We also needed to downsize significantly by giving away or selling a lot of stuff.

When we decided to give grad school a try back in 2007, I began watching the real estate market very closely, planning to sell our house myself. How hard could it be in a small, fairly stable market such as Vermont? That was lesson one. There are times to save money and to be a do-it-yourself person, but not when your family’s financial future is hanging in the balance.

Over the three months I tried to sell our house myself I was not only humbled, but felt that I’d been foolish in putting us into a tight financial spot. I also put my own prospects of launching a freelance writing and speaking ministry in jeopardy. All of this was humbling for me beyond words.

The next blow came on the first day or our family vacation in late July just after leaving my day job. My next book deal fell to pieces in a matter of days. The publisher had changed directions significantly and we could no longer agree on the direction or details of the book after I had completed the first draft. So as I was launching my “freelance writing career,” one of the major sources of my pride, income, and security disappeared.

By the end of July, Julie and I wrapped up our jobs in Vermont, meaning our income suddenly stopped. We also signed on with a realtor. In early August we had to move to our apartment in Connecticut, meaning that we would soon have a rent and a mortgage to pay. The house needed to sell, and soon.

During the month of August we learned that a lot of people were looking at our house, but no offers were made despite the work of our incredible real estate agent. By early September I began to panic. We really needed an offer on the house. I knew we had priced it right, and the sheer number of viewings was evidence enough of that. Over Labor Day weekend I began to crack.

On the trip home from meeting family I prayed intensely over the sale of our house. “God, we need you to sell this house.”  While driving on a dark country road in Connecticut (yes, we have them here), God spoke in an almost audible voice, “Do you want me, or do you want me to solve your problems?”

I had to be honest. I wanted God to sell the house. I didn’t want God or to seek his Kingdom first. On the following day I struggled to write and ended up fretting about the house and our finances. Reminded of God’s word the previous evening, I left my desk and kneeled in the other room resolving just to worship God. After a few minutes of this, I remembered we had not one, but two reserves of money that I’d completely forgotten.

That gave us some breathing room. I’d never felt so cared for by God over the following month. Two weeks later we received an offer on the house and negotiated a price that I think was fair for both parties. The same buyers closed on the house yesterday. We are now free from that hefty mortgage payment.

We could have stuck it out longer, but back in June I picked the latest date I’d want to wait to sell the house: early November.

The process of selling our house has been trying, with lots of uncertainty. It hasn’t been easy. However, the lesson I learned that evening in September has stuck with me. Do I want God or for God to solve my problems? This has felt like boot camp in seeking first God’s Kingdom.

It has also helped me to see God’s provision in every detail of our lives here in Connecticut. Every accepted article, every friendship we make, and every wonderful place to hike is a blessing from God. We wouldn’t have ended up here without God’s provision at key moments.

I wish I had a pithy way to sum this crazy experience up. I feel like we were trying to figure out where God wanted us to go and to obey that leading. Following God’s lead has not be comfortable or easy, but it has been rewarding. I have experienced intimacy with God on a new level, have seen sin in my own heart challenged, and have learned to hold loosely to home, money, and status.

Everything really is on the table, but if we lose any or all of it, it is far more precious to have intimacy with God. I’m still digging deeper into the mystery of seeking first God’s Kingdom. It’s not an easy thing to do. However, as we pass through these trials and terrifying times we will find abundant life and joy in God and his provision.

Continuing my meditations on the book of Romans…

What are the marks of weak faith?

One person’s faith gives great liberty in disputed matters, but the weak in faith place limitations on themselves.

They key is to avoid quarrels over disputed matters. Don’t condemn others whether they have more or less freedom.

In the case of acceptable food among the Romans there is no cause to judge one another because God has accepted both sides of the debate. Judgment of fellow believers is a mark of a lack of faith in God’s ability to make someone stand or fall. They have no place in judging God’s servants.

The standard set involves being convinced in one’s own mind about these matters, but to also hold back on judging others. We can expect to hit interpretive conflict when attempting to apply the principles of this passage to our doctrinal disputes today. Where do we draw the lines? I think we would quarrel over which matters are even worth quarreling over.

However, Paul reminds the Romans that they do not live for the approval of one another, but rather they live and die for God. Christ’s death and Resurrection established his Lordship over all humanity. If God acts in mercy, reigns as Lord, and is able to make his servants stand or fall, then there is no room to judge his servants.

When considering judgment and quarrels, it is important to ask whether the person being judged or challenged in an argument has anything to gain. In fact, does the judge or instigator derive the most “benefit” by justifying his/her own views or way of life?

Judgment has been reserved for God. The Romans are challenged to resolve to not put any obstacles in the way of a fellow believer since judgment and quarreling do not lead to peace or edification. Even those with freedom to eat anything should be willing to abstain out of love for those with weak faith. These peripheral matters do not promote righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. When promoting the growth of one another so that we are approved before God and others, the Romans will find that disputes often do little to help anyone.

When considering how to handle disputes, the direction of God and the peace of the Kingdom should lead all responses. That doesn’t open the door to heresy necessarily, but rather the goal is to build up others rather than picking them apart and condemning them.

They are free to hold opinions on disputed matters, but they are ultimately accountable to God and need only be approved by God in them. Their beliefs should be rooted in faith, believing that God is honored by their beliefs and practices. In fact, the practice of condemning others may be a sign that some need to justify themselves, to build up their convictions and ultimately their faith by pulling others into their systems of belief. Judging others and pushing them to accept other convictions on disputed matters shows a vestige of doubt and fear that one’s beliefs may be wrong unless everyone else accepts them.

However, if someone is not fully convinced on a matter before God, then there is a real possibility of sinning because his/her relationship before God is put into jeopardy with uncertainty interfering with the relationship. Faith is also the means by which the Romans are made right before God, and so departing from faith means reliance on other means for holiness and perhaps salvation.

For more on this topic, see my previous post: When We Should Not Debate Theology