:: in.a.mirror.dimly ::

Over the past six months or so we’ve been on a real journey of faith that I’ve pretty much kept under the radar on this blog. I don’t generally like to share too much from my personal life online, but I think I have a few lessons to share and stories to relate that will be an encouragement to others.

This will also explain why we now live in Connecticut.

About two years ago a friend of ours encouraged us to pursue graduate school for my wife Julie. We’d been talking about it for years, but we kept assuming that we should put it off. After a lot of thinking, planning, and testing, we decided to give it a shot. Last April Julie was accepted at the University of Connecticut to begin working her way toward a PhD in English Lit.

Consequently, we had to sell our house in Vermont, she had a lot of preparation to do, we had to find a place near Storrs, CT, and I needed to figure out a job. Over the following months we sensed that I should try writing and speaking full time, which meant we really needed an affordable place to live in Connecticut and to live on a tight budget. We also needed to downsize significantly by giving away or selling a lot of stuff.

When we decided to give grad school a try back in 2007, I began watching the real estate market very closely, planning to sell our house myself. How hard could it be in a small, fairly stable market such as Vermont? That was lesson one. There are times to save money and to be a do-it-yourself person, but not when your family’s financial future is hanging in the balance.

Over the three months I tried to sell our house myself I was not only humbled, but felt that I’d been foolish in putting us into a tight financial spot. I also put my own prospects of launching a freelance writing and speaking ministry in jeopardy. All of this was humbling for me beyond words.

The next blow came on the first day or our family vacation in late July just after leaving my day job. My next book deal fell to pieces in a matter of days. The publisher had changed directions significantly and we could no longer agree on the direction or details of the book after I had completed the first draft. So as I was launching my “freelance writing career,” one of the major sources of my pride, income, and security disappeared.

By the end of July, Julie and I wrapped up our jobs in Vermont, meaning our income suddenly stopped. We also signed on with a realtor. In early August we had to move to our apartment in Connecticut, meaning that we would soon have a rent and a mortgage to pay. The house needed to sell, and soon.

During the month of August we learned that a lot of people were looking at our house, but no offers were made despite the work of our incredible real estate agent. By early September I began to panic. We really needed an offer on the house. I knew we had priced it right, and the sheer number of viewings was evidence enough of that. Over Labor Day weekend I began to crack.

On the trip home from meeting family I prayed intensely over the sale of our house. “God, we need you to sell this house.”  While driving on a dark country road in Connecticut (yes, we have them here), God spoke in an almost audible voice, “Do you want me, or do you want me to solve your problems?”

I had to be honest. I wanted God to sell the house. I didn’t want God or to seek his Kingdom first. On the following day I struggled to write and ended up fretting about the house and our finances. Reminded of God’s word the previous evening, I left my desk and kneeled in the other room resolving just to worship God. After a few minutes of this, I remembered we had not one, but two reserves of money that I’d completely forgotten.

That gave us some breathing room. I’d never felt so cared for by God over the following month. Two weeks later we received an offer on the house and negotiated a price that I think was fair for both parties. The same buyers closed on the house yesterday. We are now free from that hefty mortgage payment.

We could have stuck it out longer, but back in June I picked the latest date I’d want to wait to sell the house: early November.

The process of selling our house has been trying, with lots of uncertainty. It hasn’t been easy. However, the lesson I learned that evening in September has stuck with me. Do I want God or for God to solve my problems? This has felt like boot camp in seeking first God’s Kingdom.

It has also helped me to see God’s provision in every detail of our lives here in Connecticut. Every accepted article, every friendship we make, and every wonderful place to hike is a blessing from God. We wouldn’t have ended up here without God’s provision at key moments.

I wish I had a pithy way to sum this crazy experience up. I feel like we were trying to figure out where God wanted us to go and to obey that leading. Following God’s lead has not be comfortable or easy, but it has been rewarding. I have experienced intimacy with God on a new level, have seen sin in my own heart challenged, and have learned to hold loosely to home, money, and status.

Everything really is on the table, but if we lose any or all of it, it is far more precious to have intimacy with God. I’m still digging deeper into the mystery of seeking first God’s Kingdom. It’s not an easy thing to do. However, as we pass through these trials and terrifying times we will find abundant life and joy in God and his provision.

Continuing my meditations on the book of Romans…

What are the marks of weak faith?

One person’s faith gives great liberty in disputed matters, but the weak in faith place limitations on themselves.

They key is to avoid quarrels over disputed matters. Don’t condemn others whether they have more or less freedom.

In the case of acceptable food among the Romans there is no cause to judge one another because God has accepted both sides of the debate. Judgment of fellow believers is a mark of a lack of faith in God’s ability to make someone stand or fall. They have no place in judging God’s servants.

The standard set involves being convinced in one’s own mind about these matters, but to also hold back on judging others. We can expect to hit interpretive conflict when attempting to apply the principles of this passage to our doctrinal disputes today. Where do we draw the lines? I think we would quarrel over which matters are even worth quarreling over.

However, Paul reminds the Romans that they do not live for the approval of one another, but rather they live and die for God. Christ’s death and Resurrection established his Lordship over all humanity. If God acts in mercy, reigns as Lord, and is able to make his servants stand or fall, then there is no room to judge his servants.

When considering judgment and quarrels, it is important to ask whether the person being judged or challenged in an argument has anything to gain. In fact, does the judge or instigator derive the most “benefit” by justifying his/her own views or way of life?

Judgment has been reserved for God. The Romans are challenged to resolve to not put any obstacles in the way of a fellow believer since judgment and quarreling do not lead to peace or edification. Even those with freedom to eat anything should be willing to abstain out of love for those with weak faith. These peripheral matters do not promote righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. When promoting the growth of one another so that we are approved before God and others, the Romans will find that disputes often do little to help anyone.

When considering how to handle disputes, the direction of God and the peace of the Kingdom should lead all responses. That doesn’t open the door to heresy necessarily, but rather the goal is to build up others rather than picking them apart and condemning them.

They are free to hold opinions on disputed matters, but they are ultimately accountable to God and need only be approved by God in them. Their beliefs should be rooted in faith, believing that God is honored by their beliefs and practices. In fact, the practice of condemning others may be a sign that some need to justify themselves, to build up their convictions and ultimately their faith by pulling others into their systems of belief. Judging others and pushing them to accept other convictions on disputed matters shows a vestige of doubt and fear that one’s beliefs may be wrong unless everyone else accepts them.

However, if someone is not fully convinced on a matter before God, then there is a real possibility of sinning because his/her relationship before God is put into jeopardy with uncertainty interfering with the relationship. Faith is also the means by which the Romans are made right before God, and so departing from faith means reliance on other means for holiness and perhaps salvation.

For more on this topic, see my previous post: When We Should Not Debate Theology

Continuing my meditations on the book of Romans…

Obedience to God is the foundation for all obedience to government, and so the order of allegiances is established here. Living in peace and obeying laws seems to be the focus—a balance where God comes first but law and order are still maintained. Rather than providing a blueprint for all Christian involvement in government, this passage addresses extremist who may use their allegiance to the Kingdom of God to justify revolt or the violation of laws.

We dare not take Paul’s command to submit to authorities as a tacit endorsement of all governments or all governmental policies. At the same time, Christians must wrestle with the necessity of obeying governmental authorities while committing to challenge injustice and immorality in their governments.

For the Romans, who are told to love one another with affection, honoring one another, they are once again reminded to love their neighbors as they would themselves. This seems to also satisfy the obedience required under the government, if not with all people.

Paul’s final reason for living in righteousness is the expectation of God’s coming salvation. Time is running out, so stay in step with God, living in his light rather than the darkness of evil deeds. Instead of letting their sinful natures control their minds, they are told to let Christ take control. he will lead them to righteousness and goodness.

Putting on the Lord Jesus Christ carries the sense of playing a role or assuming a part. Left to their own devices the Romans may leave debts outstanding, fail to love one another, or live in slavery to their immoral desires. In claiming their identity under the Lordship of Christ they are choosing to live in God’s light, which will soon come to define all of time and space. By putting on Christ they are claiming the resurrection power he has over sin as explained in Romans 6-8.

Whether in public or in Christian community the Romans should not let financial, relational, or sinful debts remain. They have a new identity in Christ. 

Continuing my meditations on the book of Romans…

With a clear picture of salvation and God’s historic plan of redemption into the present in place, this letter moves into more practical matters, namely how to live holy lives as God’s people. It is good for the Romans to know they should count themselves dead to sin, alive to Christ, and empowered in the Holy Spirit, but what does this look like on a day to day basis?

The answer is a daily offering of themselves to God, becoming living sacrifices that are surrendered to God but still able to live obedient, holy lives. This is a difficult matter, as it’s easy to make pleasing one’s self the primary goal of each day. However, Paul reminds his readers that Christ has done as much for them and that such a commitment will allow God to renew their minds. This will lead to the kind of holy lives that he says they should be living. In addition, God will make his will known to them.

The result of this will be holy living where the believers can use their gifts in service to others. Even with these gifts in use, the Romans are reminded not to judge themselves according to their usefulness or magnificence of their gifts. Their measure for themselves is directly tied to their faith.

This strikes me as a good check on whether believers are seeking first God’s Kingdom and offering themselves to God daily for direction. Faith is the means by which such steps are taken, believing that God can direct and empower his people to live in holiness and obedience.

With these things in mind, Paul adds on a series of commands and pleas for right living among the believers in Rome. They are called to a counterintuitive and countercultural lifestyle of self-sacrifice and love that is simply not possible for those who have failed to offer themselves to God as helpless, God-dependent sacrifices. The power of self interest must be laid down before God in order to love neighbors, provide for them, and to meet enemies with prayers and blessings.

Continuing my meditations on the book of Romans…

Though the majority of the Jews rejected Jesus as Messiah and the promise of God has been extended to Gentiles, the Lord has not rejected his people. He has saved a remnant. They are saved by God’s free and undeserved kindness. Many Jews have been seeking God’s favor, but his kindness is not based on merit, but rather God’s purposes in election. Only those enabled by God could respond to him.

In God’s plan to make salvation available to all people, he appointed Paul to carry the Gospel to them. However, even that calling aimed to spark jealousy among the Jews. God had not forgotten them.

God isn’t done with the Jewish people, as their lineage from Abraham is still important. Paul is hopeful for the day of salvation still coming for the Jewish people.

Since salvation comes by God’s mercy and the cutting off of some Jewish branches, Paul warns the Gentiles from thinking too highly of themselves. They should fear the possibility of falling away. God is kind to those who continue to trust in his kindness, but he is also severe to those who disobey.

God is both severe and kind, patient and decisive, cutting off and preserving. It would seem every time the Jews and Gentiles thought they had God’s plan figured out, Paul revealed new aspects of it that would seem to smash all systematizing. God has a plan and purpose in election, humans make choices they are responsible for, and those in Christ are both safe from sin and in danger of choosing to fall away.

The appropriate response to God comes at the end of this chapter: worship. Hold the truth we know about God out there, but celebrate God and the mercy that comes through the salvation offered by Christ. The last thing God needs is to be twisted and misrepresented by finite humans.

Worship is the place for humanity, whether always part of God’s plan or an addition grafted in.

I’m in a strange place this evening. I would have thought that I couldn’t sleep because I’m nervous about a major financial thing we have in the works (I’ll say more on that in about a month or so when it’s all wrapped up), but it’s not that. There is every reason in the world for me, especially anxiety-prone me, to be up worrying.

But I’ve been preoccupied this evening…

For starters, I’m discussing co-authoring a book with a good friend of mine. It’s a project that I’m really excited about and once I hammer out this post, I’ll be returning to the sample chapter that I’m working on. In addition there are some speaking engagements coming up and some great ministry opportunities that may be opening up in my neck of the woods.

We made the move to Connecticut because all roads seemed to lead this way for us. It’s been a leap of faith all the same. We don’t have all of the pieces in place yet, but there are enough to assure us that we’re on the right track. To simply see the possibilities for ministry is incredibly encouraging because it’s just the kind of thing that God has been placing on my heart lately.

While I ponder all of the good things going on and the opportunities opening up, I find myself forgetting, regularly forgetting this huge financial thing that’s been going on—now in the background. I somehow managed to take a shaky step toward seeking first God’s Kingdom, and I didn’t even realize it.

I wish I could be more specific, but for now I’ll have to keep it vague and just pass along the lessons God is teaching me.

I have a prayer request. It’s kind of a big deal. I can’t get into the details until things get settled, but rest assured, it’s a large burden that only makes other burdens feel heavier.

And so I’m praying about it. I’m asking others to pray about it. What am I asking God to do about it? “Make it go away.”

I want God to deliver us, to settle the situation, and to help us move on with our lives. We’ve worried about this long enough.

A few months ago we received some encouraging words from fellow Christians about this situation: God had it under control. Things are going to work out. God is with us.

It’s kind of been quiet since then.

And really, I shouldn’t complain. I mean, Noah spent a good year locked up in the ark without so much as a peep from God. I’m sure he kept thinking this flood can’t go on yet another day? Can it?

Oh, it can.

And so I was driving home last night and praying about this… this… thing. I’m trying to let go. I’m trying to seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness. However, when you have something as big as this staring you in the face, you can’t help but notice it. It’s in the way.

God spoke to me last night. It wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear.

“Do you want me or do you just want me to make this go away?”

To be perfectly honest, I felt like saying, “Make this go away, and then we can talk.”

Agh.

Today I am very humbled by my attitude. I wouldn’t want to waste a perfectly good trial by not drawing near to God in the midst of it.

The greatest virtue is love. Love is what will endure. Love is what makes our salvation and sanctification possible.

However, faith stands out as the first step that makes accepting and sharing love possible. While love is the greatest aim for our lives, it is faith that must be a primary catalyst and ongoing spark throughout our lives.

I see faith as a bridge or perhaps a kind of fuel. It isn’t the ultimate destination or the entire machine, but it is no doubt essential from the start. While in this world we never hit a time when faith isn’t necessary.

Faith keeps the Christian works humming, but our goal isn’t to became faith-filled people. Our goal is to become God-filled people, who are therefore love-filled people since God is love.

As we tap into the essence of God and God’s extraordinary love, it is faith that carries us. It is well and good that God loves us, but it won’t do us any good if we cannot believe in it, trust in it, or rest in it.

However, it isn’t enough to just believe in this love. Faith draws us in to God where we aim to be consumed by his love, his salvation, and his life-changing Spirit. That’s why Jesus said the mark of his followers will be love.

We can’t get to love without faith, but we dare not stop with faith. Faith has connected us with the love of God. We can now spend the rest of our lives believing in and living in the fullness of that love.

Staring at a dryer and two baskets full of laundry to fold, I cursed the curse of laundry. I hate folding laundry, even if I must confess my love for neat and orderly drawers of the stuff.

I began to ponder how laundry is like some kind of terrible affliction. And then I considered the fall of humanity into sin and the ramifications of Genesis 3:21:

“The LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them.”

It’s as if God kicked Adam and Eve out of the garden and into a laundry mat. While handing over the animal skins, I imagine God saying, “This is going to annoy you a whole lot more than it’s going to annoy me.”

Oh, for the days of the fig leaf.

In the end, the stubborn rebelliousness of humanity, our penchant for seeking power and control ensured that we would spend countless hours washing, folding, and putting away our clothes. How ironic it is that one residual effect of the fall into sin ensures we have one more tedious thing to do.

While standing in the garden last night in the cool of the evening, checking on the progress of our tomatoes, lettuce, and swiss chard, I sensed so much peace and comfort. It was as if Eden had come again to our yard, with blossoming irises, cosmos, marigolds, and pansies. And then I looked down at my mud-smeared jeans and thought of those cursed laundry baskets waiting for me.

There are two commands from scripture that stand out as the greatest:

1. Love God

2. Love Others

Everything flows out of these two commands. And yet, it’s a bit strange to think of God commanding us to love him. I can’t imagine that working out all that well in a typical human relationship, so what is the deal here?

God’s love is developed fully throughout scripture as a relational, self-sacrificing love. God is compared to a lover whose spouse has been unfaithful—as in, people are the unfaithful ones to God. While we were sinners, Christ died for us. And so God has made the first, most costly move to have a relationship with us.

Also, if we’ve learned anything from our history, we are very adept at creating our own religions and ways of worshipping God. We tack on guilt, extra sacrifices, and come up with a list of reasons why we are unworthy of God’s love.

Keep in mind that the command to love God in Deuteronomy comes on the heels of Israel’s 400 years in the land of Egypt amidst all manner of idols. If Christianity can become so pervasive in America without being state sanctioned for the past 300 years, you’d better bet there are ramifications to living in a nation where the Pharaoh  stands at the top of a long list of gods. Four hundred years in such a society will influence how you relate to God.

I read God’s command to love as counteracting these influences. The most important part about worshipping God is learning to love God, not what we bring to the table.

God has already loved us, desiring that no one should be separated from his love. Will we reciprocate this love, and meet God on such simple and beautiful terms, or will we try to figure out our own way to God?