Aug 3, 2009 6
On Moving and Letting Go
Jesus asked Peter, “Simon, do you love me more than these.” I paraphrase here because I’ve been busy. Busier than I could have ever imagined.
I’m not out for pity here. Just setting the context. We are moving, trying to sell our house, staging it to sell, and trying to get every single little repair done. On top of that, I had a 3-hour presentation to give last week, a major book project to work on with a tight deadline, and the usual smattering of writing projects. Oh, and I spent the morning on the phone trying to find a truck since the moving company lost our reservation.
It’s been non-stop go. At 12:13 AM I’m still having a hard time shutting down.
But tonight I was cleaning up after our rabbits a bit and for some unknown reason, I thought of Jesus and Peter chatting by the Sea of Galilee. “Do you love me more than these…”
Moving is a time of letting go. You have to sell stuff, give stuff away, and prepare your house for another person. You have to put everything you own into a box. It requires so much work. I’ve been trying to carve out time to pray, to read scripture, to cultivate some kind of inner life. However, in the grand scheme of things, this move in many respects is about obedience.
We’re moving to Connecticut this Thursday in part because my wife will be attending UConn. However, the main reason why we’re moving to Connecticut is because nearly two years ago I was visiting a dear friend, told him my wife was miserable in her current job, and that perhaps one day she would study English. He said, “What are you waiting for, do it now.”
Advice like that from a good friend is precious. It cut right into me, and in a moment I knew he was spot on. I got up, called Julie, and told her we needed to get her into an English program. Not because I was “letting” her. Not because she was “leading” me. But because God inspired a friend to say just the right thing.
With all of the sacrifices that come with moving, leaving our hard work on this house behind, and leaving our beautiful home state of Vermont—it has become a home for us these past four years in so many ways—I have kept that moment in mind, remembering the sense I had that God was doing something, leading us somewhere, and promising good things if we could step out in obedience and let go of the other plans we had.
In one sense we’ve had to let go of a lot. Selling our home right now is generally frowned upon and makes for poor conversation with folks. “Why would you sell NOW?” Well, we had to be obedient and trust that God has something else for us.
For me, I run smack into that question of Jesus again, “Do you love me more than these?” I worry about our house selling, about finding enough work, and finding Christian friends, but amidst the packing tape, boxes, and paper plates, Jesus wants to know if I’ve made loving him number one in my life. Am I willing to suffer material, personal, relational, and professional losses for his sake? Am I willing to make him number one, to measure my success and worth by loving him?
I know it’s chic for Christians to speak of making God number one in your life and then the money will show up on time, the rent will be paid, or car you need will be dropped off at your door. It works out many times like that. But what if God doesn’t come through with that check or car? Would we still measure our value and success by simply knowing him? How do we handle a future that doesn’t look the way we expect?
Tonight I feel like loving Jesus “more than these” means staring into the black hole of our deepest, darkest fears, letting go of whatever we cling to for protection against those things we fear, and then throwing ourselves onto Jesus. He can be enough. He has to be enough. He promises to be enough. I love the things that make me feel safe. That’s why we call them idols, and they have to be tossed out.
The first step toward loving Jesus is letting go.
