Sometimes my days are too chaotic.
Some days I can’t quite focus while praying.
Some days I’m not disciplined enough to stop.
But some days I’m flat out running away from God. Shame, fear, confusion, doubt, and a host of other reasons have kept me from seeking out the love of God. It’s easier to run away, to avoid God rather than owning up to my failures or to find out that God isn’t all I’ve been promised.
Doubting God’s love is a huge problem that I recently faced head on. I felt a burden to just start writing about my “runaway” tendencies with God in a brief eBook. It has been a healing book to write, and this week (Monday-Thursday) I’m giving it away on Kindle as my Christmas gift to you.
I’ve shared a brief preview below…
I was told as a child that I was a wicked debtor, doomed to be eternally tormented by God unless I took part in a divine transaction. I could go to court with Jesus on my side before God, the angry judge with the keys of hell jingling around his waist. Jesus paid my debt, standing by my side in the witness stand and pleading my case.
I skipped out of court because Jesus thwarted God’s plans of eternal hellfire for me.
It’s like Jesus became the brilliant defense attorney who figured out a way to beat the system. I wasn’t saved because of God’s love for me. I was saved because of a loophole. God was ready to torment me for eternity, so it sure seemed that he could save me or burn me. It’s all a transaction, a business deal, a covenant that he has been forced to accept.
In the midst of all of this, I read in the Bible that God loves me, and I struggle to believe it. “God so loved the world…” the scripture goes. That’s nice, but the court room drove home a very different narrative of wrath and anger. God was only willing to accept me after Jesus paid the terrifying price of his own life.
I know that Jesus saves. I also know that the image of a wrathful God in a courtroom overshadows the many truths in scripture about the love of God, the way God has adopted us as children, and the image of Jesus as a victor over death who has freed us from the grip of evil. I don’t know how to make all of the images come together into a coherent diagram or paragraph.
In all of this I see the beginning of my struggles to believe that God loves me. Wasn’t he ready to burn me for eternity before Jesus came around?
Read the rest for free this week (12/16-12/19):
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Why We Run from God’s Love by @edcyzewski is free on Kindle 12/16-12/19 http://amzn.to/1eh1f7Q
Do you run from God’s love? Why We Run from God’s Love by @edcyzewski is free on Kindle 12/16-12/19 http://amzn.to/1eh1f7Q
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Do you doubt God loves you? Explore these questions and more in Ed Cyzewski’s new eBook: Why We Run from God’s Love. It’s free on Kindle 12/16-12/19.